Hockey With Benefits(27)

God.

I turned the other way, giving my back to him because I was shaken.

That felt–different.

This whole day felt different, like we were shifting, and for a moment, fear branded my insides. A shiver went down my spine, and I couldn’t breathe. For a minute. A few seconds. It felt like an hour, until–OFF–I shut it down. Everything.

Once I did, I gasped, silently, but my lungs seized.

I couldn’t bring myself to turn around. The water was raining down on me, and I reached out, the tips of my fingers pressing against the tile. I closed my eyes, counted.

One.

Two.

Three–my fingers started shaking.

Four.

My lungs were closing–five.

I pushed off, and whipped around, but he wasn’t there. Thank goodness.

I could do this. I could go to laser tag with Cruz. We could hang out. We were already going to hang out. We were texting. We’d talked on the phone.

The changes didn’t mean I had to shut this down.

Yeah. That was it.

Because if it didn’t–I couldn’t go there.

I still needed this connection.

It was fine.

Fine.

Everything would be just fine.

Still, as I grabbed the towel Cruz had left on the counter for me, and began drying my body, I closed myself off to what I was doing. I went in my head, and did something I hadn’t done for a few years.

My brain was a house. There were rooms. Doors. Hallways.

I put my mom in one room. My dad in another.

Miles. Gavin.

My roommates all got their own room together.

Tasmin, her boyfriend.

And the last one, Cruz. He got the basement.

Once all the doors were shut, and the hallways were empty, I could function again.

I moved into the bedroom. Cruz wasn’t there. He’d made the bed and my clothes were on top, not folded, but laid out. He added one of his hockey hoodies, and I grabbed it. I’d put it away, but after I was done dressing, there was a warning knock before the door opened. He popped his head in and gestured behind him. “Guys are taking off. You want to ride with me or…?”

“No,” I choked out, clearing my throat before my voice sounded normal again. “No. I need my car. I’ll meet you guys there.”

“You good?”

“I’m good.”

He jerked his chin up before heading out.

I waited a little. I didn’t want to go out his window if I didn’t need to, so once the house was quiet and I heard the cars leave, I went out through a side door.

“You good?”

“I’m good.”

The thing was…me, my issues, I should’ve been lying through my teeth with that statement.

I wasn’t.

I was still holding his hoodie, too.





15





MARA





I drew up short when I went inside because it was bustling with people. People I didn’t expect to be here.

“Daniels!”

Aw, shit. That was Gavin and looking behind him, I was seeing a good portion of Alpha Mu guys with him. Atwater came over at that time, draping an arm around my shoulder as if I were there for him to rest his weight on. “Nah, man. Daniels is with us.” He motioned to my sweatshirt, or Cruz’s hoodie. “Check the shirt.”

Gavin smirked. “Yeah, right. She parties with us. How about it, Daniels? Alpha Mu against the hockey house. You joining?”

“She’s here, isn’t she?” Atwater’s tone was casual, but his body was rigid.

I glanced over, seeing Cruz at the counter, watching what was going on with us. His gaze flickered over the hoodie, but no expression crossed his face.

I needed to draw a boundary. There was no girlfriend/boyfriend ownership here, so I stepped out from under Atwater’s arm and motioned to Gavin. “I’ll go with Alpha Mu.”

“What?”

“YES! First victory.”

“Cru–” Atwater started to turn his way but caught himself. “–awp. Crap. Okay.” He pretended to leer at me. “Get used to losing, Daniels.”

“Little Daniels isn’t–”

I turned to glare at Gavin, who had stepped up next to me. “Stop calling me that.”

He frowned, his eye twitching a little. “Allen–”

“You’re not Zeke Allen. I’ve not known you since I was in kindergarten. Mara or Daniels, I don’t care, but Little Daniels is not your name for me.”

“Yeah. You put him in his place.” Barclay joined us, his vest on and holding his laser gun in hand.

“Stuff it, Barclay.”

Gavin just got a laugh in response, but turned to face me directly, his back to them. He lowered his head, lowering his voice too. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just you’re not Zeke. I don’t want to have to deal with his annoying ass when he’s not even here.”

Gavin’s head lifted back up and he nodded, a half-grin showing. “Makes sense. Daniels.”

“Thanks.” Looking around, I said, “I’m going to grab my stuff.”

“Make sure to tell them what team you’re on.”

“The losing team,” Atwater added.