His & Hers(70)

She took me by the hand, and led me to the nearest man. Then she told me to sit down on the fallen tree trunk next to him. I didn’t want to, but I didn’t want to be rude either. So I sat down next to the stranger, who stank of body odor and beer. When I started to shiver, he rubbed my bare leg with his big ugly hand, saying it would help me warm up.

Catherine Kelly sat down next to me, and looked as frightened as I felt.

A bottle of vodka was passed around, along with strange-smelling cigarettes. More logs were added to the fire, and dance music was played. Which seemed odd to me, given nobody was dancing. I thought the men must have owed Rachel some money, because they all took out their wallets and gave her a handful of notes. I thought it might have been for the pills she took out of her purse, but that wasn’t all the men were paying for.

“Take one,” she said, coming over to Catherine and me.

There were two little white shapes in her hand. They looked like mints, but I knew enough to know that they weren’t.

“No, thank you,” said Catherine, and I shook my head too.

“You do want to be in our gang, don’t you, Catherine?” Rachel asked.

The girl stared up at her. Then she took the pill, washing it down with vodka straight from the bottle.

“And you don’t want to be the new odd one out, do you?” Rachel asked, looking at me.

I took one too. She smiled, then kissed me in front of all the others. She stuck her tongue deep inside my mouth, and afterward I wondered whether it was just to make sure I’d swallowed the pill. The men clapped and cheered while they watched.

Rachel took off my sneakers then.

I was too drunk and cold and stupid to ask what she was doing.

She tied the laces together, then hurled them up into a tree. My shoes dangled from a branch that was too high to reach, and everyone laughed again. I didn’t like how they were looking at me.

“Now you can’t run away from us,” Rachel whispered in my ear.

She wanted to dance, so we did, until I felt so dizzy I fell to the ground. Even when I was lying motionless on the forest floor, the woods still seemed to spin around me. I lay in the dirt and dead leaves and struggled to keep my eyes open. I was so tired all of a sudden. She pulled the top of my dress down and pushed the bottom of it up; then I remember the sound of her disposable camera.

Clickety-click. Clickety-click. Clickety-click.

The next thing I remember was her kissing and stroking me, with everyone watching. They were all smiling at us, even Catherine Kelly, and I felt strangely happy too all of a sudden. So much so that I didn’t mind. When I next opened my eyes, I saw Helen on her knees in front of one of the men. He had a fistful of her shiny black hair. Another man had his hand up Zoe’s skirt, and I noticed that she was naked from the waist up. Catherine appeared to have passed out on the forest floor, and one of the men was pulling her clothes off.

Rachel put her hand on my cheek, turning my head to face her. She kissed me again, sliding her fingers between my legs. It felt so nice, but then other hands started touching me, rough ones, replacing hers. When I opened my eyes again, the man I had been sitting next to was squeezing my breast with one hand, while rubbing himself with his other. I heard someone cry. I thought it was me, but then I saw Catherine, completely naked and facedown in the dirt. One man was on top of her, another appeared to be waiting.

“Come on, don’t be a cock tease, at least suck it or something,” said the man who was touching me. “We’ve all paid good money to celebrate your birthday with you. Be a good girl like it says on your nails.”

I looked down at my fingers, where Rachel had painted the words.

“Get off of me,” I whispered.

“You wanted to be part of our gang, well this is what our gang does,” Rachel said, trying to hold me down. “How do you think I paid for your new clothes and the highlights in your hair? Grow up, Anna. It’s just sex. It will hurt the first time, but then you’ll be fine, I promise. Try to relax.”

I didn’t want to relax. Fear flooded through my entire body as he tried to push my legs apart. Then anger. I slapped him, pushed her, and struggled to my feet.

“Get the fuck off of me,” I screamed at them both.

“I want my money back,” he said to Rachel.

“Just use the other one, I’ll give you a discount,” she replied, looking over at Catherine.

I watched as he walked over to join the other men. They were no longer forming an orderly line.

I know I should have tried to pull them off.

I know I should have helped her get away. It was all my fault that she was there in the first place—I invited her—but I was so scared of what was happening.

I don’t know how many of them took their turn. I watched in horror for a little while, trying to find my clothes, while Rachel took photos of them doing it.

I’m ashamed to say that I did nothing.

As soon as I found something to cover my naked body with, I ran all the way home in bare feet without looking back.



* * *



“We’re here,” says Richard.

I’m so tired, I don’t know whether I was asleep or just resting my eyes. He’s already turned the engine off, and as I stare out of the windows into the darkness, I see that we are surrounded by nothing but trees. It’s cold in the car, as though we might have been parked here for a while, and I realize I’ve no idea how late it is.