Hidden in Snow (The ?re Murders, #1)(90)

Ida sits down opposite him.

“You can’t keep working around the clock like this. What if you burn out?”

“I don’t think there’s any danger of that,” he mumbles with his mouth full. “I told you—I’m fine.”

“I’m afraid of something happening to you.”

“Don’t be.”

Ida leans across the table and places her hand on his.

“Isn’t there anyone else who can take over for you?”

The last thing Daniel wants is for a colleague to step into his shoes. He has assured Birgitta Grip that he can handle the investigation, especially now he has additional resources in the form of Hanna.

“This is my job, darling.”

Ida’s eyes fill with tears. “Think about Alice! If something happened to you, she’d only have me!”

That hits home. Daniel isn’t sure whether his reaction is due to guilt or irritation. Does she have to be so dramatic?

“For God’s sake, Ida—I’m a cop!”

His tone is too sharp. He regrets it the second the words are out, but the flash of anger in Ida’s eyes tells him it is too late.

“How can you be so selfish? Don’t you care about us anymore?”

“Of course I do. I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to sound insensitive.”

He hopes that she will accept his apology so they can stop bickering and go to bed. He longs to lie down, close his eyes. He is exhausted and knows he can’t provide the kind of nuanced support that Ida needs. She is still full of hormones—Alice is only three months old.

They have had this kind of quarrel before, and it never ends well. He almost wishes Ida had stayed asleep. He doesn’t want to have this conversation tonight. He concentrates on his food, hoping she will calm down.

Unfortunately, Ida misinterprets his silence.

“Listen to me!” she snaps. “You have a family now. A baby daughter. You can’t live the way you used to!”

That’s the last thing he’s doing, and she ought to know that, but her words hurt.

Which is no doubt the intention.

The years in Gothenburg shaped him; for a long time, work was his number-one priority. His savior too, after Francesca’s death. He sometimes misses those days when he only had himself to think about, when he didn’t have to take anyone else into account. Nonetheless Ida and Alice mean the world to him.

“Mom said you’d react this way,” Ida adds. “She said you wouldn’t listen to me.”

“Have you been discussing me with your mother?” The thought of Ida complaining to her mom makes him even more frustrated.

“Who else would I talk to? It’s not as if you’re ever around.”

He really doesn’t want to lose his temper; that will do no good at all. He can’t afford a huge fight tonight.

He carefully places his knife and fork on his plate and finishes off his beer. He takes a few deep breaths, trying to regain his inner calm.

“The only thing you think about is your job.”

The sharp tone is too much for him.

“A young girl has been murdered, Ida. Do you really think this is the right time to argue about this?”

“How can that take precedence over me and Alice?”

“It doesn’t.”

Tears of anger trickle down Ida’s cheeks. She quickly wipes them away. “You never have time for us. It’s as if we don’t count anymore.”

Daniel is so tired of feeling guilty. He does his best; he never stops trying. Why can’t she see that?

“Let’s go to bed. Please, Ida.”

“So when are we going to talk? You’re never home.”

“Tomorrow. I’ll try to get back early, I promise.” He stands up to clear the table. “I really must get some sleep. I have to be up very early,” he adds.

“How do you think I feel, all alone here with Alice, knowing you don’t care about us?” Bitterness is etched on Ida’s face. “Mom was right about you all along. You’re completely self-obsessed. I should have realized you’d never make a good father.”

That’s the tipping point. There is no stopping the anger; it simply floods his body and takes over completely.

“Shut the fuck up!” he yells, picking up the plate and hurling it at the wall with all his strength.

The crash echoes around the kitchen. As if in slow motion, the plate shatters into a thousand pieces, white porcelain raining down onto the floor. There are shards everywhere.

Ida stares at him, openmouthed. “Have you lost your mind?”

Daniel can’t explain what happened. Everything went black.

Inevitably Alice wakes and starts screaming.

He goes out into the hallway, grabs his jacket, and disappears into the night.

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FRIDAY, DECEMBER 20

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98

At dawn Harald gives up. Sleep is impossible. Thinking about Fredrik is keeping him awake.

He must be the guilty party.

Harald should have realized earlier. Mira has always said that Fredrik can be jealous and vengeful; he’s not the kind of man you want as an enemy. She told him how furious Fredrik was when he found out about their relationship.