Hidden in Snow (The ?re Murders, #1)(62)

He hears smacking noises as Alice’s mouth closes around the teat of the bottle. She is intent on one thing and one thing only.

His thoughts drift away to Harald and Lena’s gaunt faces, the anguish that has hollowed out their cheeks in a matter of days. Daniel doesn’t know what it’s like to lose a child, but he is familiar with the pain of loss.

Once again he feels brokenhearted that his mother, Francesca, never had the opportunity to meet Alice before she passed away. He constantly searches his daughter’s face for any sign of a resemblance between them, but Alice has blue eyes, not hazel. At least he and Ida gave Alice Francesca as a middle name.

Daniel often wonders how his mother would have reacted to Alice. Presumably she would have adored her granddaughter, loved being a grandma. He knows that she secretly mourned the fact that he was an only child.

What would she have thought of Ida?

It is almost five o’clock when he puts Alice down again.

She falls asleep immediately. Her eyelids flutter; then she is snuffling contentedly.

He really ought to go back to bed, but instead he pulls up a chair and sits for a while with Alice’s tiny hand in his.

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64

What do you do about school when your children have just lost their big sister?

Harald has no idea. Nothing in his life has prepared him for this moment. Yesterday they were allowed to stay home, but somehow a kind of normality must resume.

He is grasping desperately for routine. He has managed to get up, get the kids dressed, and go down to the kitchen on autopilot. Now he is standing by the counter with a cup of coffee while Mimi and Kalle push their breakfast around their plates.

Neither of them says a word, and their usual bickering has stopped, as if someone has flicked an invisible switch.

Harald remembers how irritated he used to get by the noise that constantly filled the house. The never-ending squabbles, the constant pinging from tablets and phones.

Now the silence is eating him up. Even the sound of Ludde’s claws tip-tapping across the floor can no longer be heard.

Harald still doesn’t understand what happened. Ludde was a young dog. On Sunday he was perfectly fit and healthy.

He hardly sees Lena. She has completely collapsed.

When their family doctor came by yesterday evening with some sleeping tablets, she practically fell on them. Since then she has remained in a deep slumber, allowing her to escape reality, at least temporarily.

Harald would like to escape too, but he doesn’t know where to go. He longs for Mira; he wants to weep in her arms, shut out the horror for a while.

The coffee aroma is making him feel sick; he empties the cup into the sink.

Kalle takes a small sip of his chocolate milk, then puts down the glass very carefully, as if he is afraid of disturbing the atmosphere.

The kitchen clock shows seven thirty, the time when the twins usually set off for school.

Routines, Harald thinks. It’s best to stick to routines.

“I’ll drive you to school today,” he offers.

Mimi looks up at him anxiously. She hasn’t finished her cheese sandwich. “Isn’t Mommy having breakfast?” she asks in a small voice.

“Mommy’s asleep.” Harald almost manages to sound normal. “I expect she’ll have something when she wakes up.”

“I can make her a sandwich,” Kalle says.

“It’s better to let her rest for as long as she needs to. Go and get your things.”

“Do we have to go to school?” Mimi says. Her lower lip is trembling, and the skin beneath her eyes is almost transparent from a lack of sleep. She too cried herself to sleep last night.

Harald sits down on the chair beside her and pulls her close. He wants to cry and shut himself in the bedroom like Lena has done, but if he does that, who will hold the family together?

Deep down he wants someone else to take charge, establish what is right and wrong. Spell things out so that he doesn’t have to make all the decisions.

He isn’t religious, but if he were, he would ask God, How can you be so cruel? How can you allow our daughter to be murdered, then take our dog away from us?

“Let’s forget about school,” he whispers into Mimi’s hair, which still has a sweet, babyish scent. “Would you like to stay home and watch a movie instead? We can make popcorn, eat candy?”

Mimi nods, and so does Kalle.

“Can we really?” Mimi asks.

“Of course you can.”

Harald clenches his fists to avoid losing control. He must be strong in front of the children. He must get through this.

He hardly slept last night; he just lay awake with a thousand questions swirling around in his head.

His phone vibrates in his pocket. He hopes it’s Mira— she’s the only person he wants to see right now. He texted her a while ago, asked if they could meet up outside the office. He can’t go into work. If he has to face the sympathy of his colleagues, he will break down.

“Daddy might need to go out for a few hours,” he says.

“Will you be okay, or should I call Grandma?”

Mimi shakes her head. “We’ll be fine.”

Harald takes out his phone, glances at the display. Mira has replied.

Eleven o’clock at the usual place?

For a moment the weight lifts from his shoulders. She is there for him.