Hidden in Snow (The ?re Murders, #1)(45)

What does it matter whether the blanket is neat and tidy when Amanda is never coming back?

Lena goes into her daughter’s room. She curls up on the bed, buries her face in one of Amanda’s tops, inhaling the scent that still lingers.

Three days have passed since she saw Amanda for the last time, though she didn’t realize it then. The pain is sharp and intense. She feels as if someone has stuck a knife in her heart.

Ludde places both his front paws on the bed. Lena lets him jump up and lie down beside her. He isn’t allowed on the beds, but it no longer matters. He wags his tail a few times, then rests his head on her shoulder.

She feels the warmth of his body as her tears drip onto his soft fur.

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44

Ebba is lying in the double bed in her parents’ room with the covers pulled up to her chin. She is desperate to see her mother. Both she and Ebba’s father are on their way back from Stockholm.

Ebba has spoken to them several times since the news about Amanda’s death came out, but it’s not the same as having them home.

The news has spread quickly via social media during the course of the day. Messages have poured in from classmates and the rest of the school. Everyone knows that Ebba and Amanda were best friends. They assume that she will be able to fill them in on all the details.

She hasn’t replied to a single one.

Her phone buzzes. The name on the display makes her feel even worse. It is Lasse, their adviser.

Will he get mad if she doesn’t talk to him?

She realizes she ought to answer, but she can’t do it.

Instead she stares at the screen until he cancels the call.

Yucky Lasse—that’s what Amanda used to call him.

Ebba pushes her phone under the pillow so she doesn’t have to look at it.

The TV is on with the volume turned up high; silence is too difficult. That’s when thoughts of Amanda come crowding in. She can’t take in the fact that her best friend is dead, that they’ll never see each other again.

The evening news has started. Suddenly she is aware that they are talking about the murder. A photo of Amanda appears on the screen, standing on a shore in the sunshine.

Ebba can’t breathe. She was there that day. She was the one who took the picture on her phone when they went swimming in the lake last summer.

When Amanda was still alive.

Every sound fades away. Each breath is a struggle, becoming painful and shallow. She can’t get any air.

She feels an increasing pressure on her chest, as if she can’t get oxygen.

Her lungs are burning.

Ebba thumps her chest on the left side repeatedly in an effort to keep her heart beating; she is convinced she is going to die, just like Amanda.

Eventually she is able to breathe regularly again.

The panic attack is over.

When Ebba opens her eyes, she sees images from a press conference on TV. Two women and two men are sitting at a table on a podium. She recognizes one of them—it’s Daniel, the detective who was here on Friday.

She stares at his face, makes it her fixed point, and concentrates hard to stop the panic from overwhelming her again.

Her hands are still shaking.

She buries her head in the pillow and wishes once again that her mom were here. She needs to hear her voice, telling Ebba that everything will be okay.

If only she had the courage to tell her mom what happened.

It seems unreal to think that it’s only a few days since she and Amanda sat talking during recess.

The memory of that conversation on the bench outside school during a cigarette break still haunts her, but right now she is in the same situation as Amanda was, wondering what to do.

There is no one she can talk to.

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45

Hanna is lying on the sofa in the living room with a book she can’t concentrate on. It’s about the #MeToo movement in New York. She chose it from the bookshelf but hasn’t gotten past page fifteen, even though the topic is close to her heart and the title has been on the bestseller lists for a long time.

The news of Amanda’s body being found is crowding in on her thoughts.

It is six thirty. She has no desire to cook dinner. Her phone pings as she reaches for the remote to switch on the TV.

Thanks for the chat yesterday. A group of us are going to Supper this evening—want to join us? Karro x It takes Hanna a few seconds to realize this is the Karro she met during the search with Missing People.

What is Supper?

A quick google gives her the answer: it’s a popular restaurant in the middle of ?re, with a good score on TripAdvisor. The home page shows attractive pictures of South American food in bright colors.

Her instinctive reaction is to say no. It’s nice of Karro to ask, but she can’t cope with being around other people at the moment.

Then it’s as if she hears her sister’s voice: You can’t sit at home, grieving over Christian. He doesn’t deserve it.

No, he doesn’t. For the first time since she arrived in ?re, Hanna is more angry than upset.

She hasn’t replied to his message about the ruined clothes, and he hasn’t sent any more. She has no regrets— he deserves it after what he did. How could he be in a relationship behind her back?

She still can’t get her head around the fact that he lied like that.