Here's to Us(What If It's Us #2)(92)

I’m on the train, one stop away from Mario’s. I’ve spent the entire ride staring at the LA Wizard shirt he made me and Arthur’s bootleg ticket to tonight’s Play It Again dress rehearsal. These little gifts are personal reminders of how much these guys want me in their lives. It feels a little hard to believe, but I’ve got to exhibit some character growth. That’s what I’m ready to do when I get off the train.

I don’t drag my feet getting to Mario’s. I text him to come outside, because I’m not ready to do this in front of his family.

My heart is pounding, like everything has been building to this very moment.

The front door opens, and Mario comes down the steps in nothing but overalls. No undershirt, no socks. One strap is hanging down, showing his bare chest. Mario doesn’t seem fazed by how chilly it is. He only takes me in with his hazel eyes and pulls me into a minty kiss. And I keep our lips pressed while I run my hands along his arms.

I break the kiss and take a deep breath. “Hi.”

“Couldn’t stay away, Alejo?”

“Apparently not . . .”

Mario grabs my hand. “Well, why are we out here? Vamos.”

“I actually can’t stay long. I got to get to Arthur.”

“Oh right! His show. I’m so excited for him. Aren’t you going to be running late?”

“Story of my life.” I squeeze his hand, scared to let go. “I got to open up to you about something.” I take a deep breath. “Arthur is in love with me. He actually never stopped being in love with me.”

There’s silence. Like he’s already dreading this conversation.

“So that’s why he broke up with Mikey.” Mario rubs his forehead. “When did he tell you all of this?”

“A couple days ago.”

Then he’s quiet. There’s nothing but the sounds of passing cars and laughter exploding from inside the house.

Mario sits on the steps. “I take it he doesn’t want you going to Los Angeles.”

“He understands why I want to go. But when I read between the lines, he doesn’t want me to move. Which still doesn’t make sense, since he doesn’t even live here.”

Mario looks me in the eye. “Maybe there’s another reason why it doesn’t make sense . . . a me-shaped reason.”

I sit beside him. “Of course you’re the main reason it doesn’t make sense. Everything else with Arthur could be figured out if that’s what I want to do. But even with everything you and I have in common, there’s something in the mix with you that I didn’t have when I was dating Arthur.”

“A stronger grasp on Spanish?”

“Okay, two things,” I say. “The other thing was doubt, Mario. I don’t know what the future holds for me and Arthur. I just know that when I was with him, I knew that he wanted to be with me. I can’t say the same for you.”

He nods. Another breeze rolls in and he rubs his arms to warm up. I want to hold him close, but now isn’t the right time. There may never be a right time for us ever again.

“You deserve to know how someone feels about you,” Mario says. His gaze is so intense that I almost look away. I can feel how much he cares about me. “But you guys gave it a shot already. What makes you think it’s going to be different now?”

“It might not be different. It might not work. But you’re special enough to me that I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already am. And the truth is, I’ve spent so much time since the breakup trying to move on from Arthur. I practically lie to myself every day about how much I don’t care about who he’s dating, when in reality it breaks me. It’s not fair to move away and start my life over with you when I’m still carrying some huge feelings for him.”

“Do you still love him? No importa. Don’t answer that. I don’t need to know.” Mario looks up at the sky, staring at the retreating sunlight. “I really think we could’ve been something great, Alejo. I hope I can be happy for you one day. But that’s not tonight.”

“You don’t ever have to be happy for me, Mario.”

“I know. But I want to.”

We sit together in silence, and when Mario shivers, I hand him the LA Wizard shirt.

“Here. It makes more sense for you to have this now. Especially since you’re going to make some incredible magic out in Los Angeles.”

I really do believe this. One day, I’m going to see a billboard for a TV show that credits Mario as the screenwriter. And I’m going to take pictures like a proud friend, even if we’ve lost contact by then.

Mario stares at the shirt instead of putting it on. “I’m going to head on in, Ben.”

No longer using my last name feels like an immediate downgrade from where we were romantically. And it’s weird, but it’s right for us.

“Can I hug you?” I ask.

“You better.”

He wraps his arms around me first and I rest my chin on his shoulder. “Gracias for everything good and lo siento for everything bad.”

“De nada. Para lo bueno y lo malo.”

He fights back a cry and lets go, turning so fast that I can’t even see his face one last time. And then he’s back inside his house, quick as magic.

I stand there for a moment, feeling too heavy to move. No matter what happens with Arthur, I know I made the right choice to end things with Mario. Hudson asked me about my perfect ending. But I’m going to focus on the beginning instead.