Here's to Us(What If It's Us #2)(12)

We get on line, which is trailing out the door. I tiptoe and peek ahead to see if I spot Arthur. I don’t, but I’m not ruling out that he’s here. He might be too short to notice.

“It’s not the end of the world if you bump into him,” Dylan says, eyeing me. “You love him.”

My chest tightens. “What? No I don’t.”

“Whoa, Mr. Defensive. I’m not saying you’re in love with him, but I am saying you love that little firecracker. In the right way that doesn’t have you cheating on your boyfriend.”

“Mario isn’t my boyfriend.” My feelings about Arthur would feel simpler if Mario were though. “You know how exes get so competitive, right?”

“Uh, yes. Harriett literally told me that she was more important because she had tens of thousands more Instagram followers than I do. Is it too late for me to text her that one Samantha is worth a million Harrietts?”

I glare at him.

“Way too late,” Dylan says. “Back to your thing. Why is he Public Enemy Number One?”

“He’s not my enemy, but it sucks how much it feels like Arthur is winning everything. Great college, a boyfriend, a cool summer job in New York. What do I have?”

“Your sexy best friend.”

“That’s not new.”

“My man bun is, and I don’t believe you’re giving it the love it deserves.”

“I don’t know, D. Sometimes I feel like my life is moving so slowly that it’s like it’s not moving at all.”

“Like this line.” Dylan peeks ahead. “How long does it take to choose a cookie, people?”

“Thank you for your undivided attention.”

“Say what now?” Dylan winks. “The war between exes is a complex one, but do not forget that Arthur would burst into flame like a vampire hit by the sun if he took one look at your boyfriend.”

“Not. My. Boyfriend.”

The comparison game about appearances is stupid. I’m into Mario for different reasons than I was into Arthur. Not better ones. Nothing was instant with either of them. I wondered about Arthur a few times after first meeting him at the post office, but I wasn’t putting up his face in coffee shops. And I clocked pretty quickly that Mario was really cute, but it still took months and a whole writing assignment to get closer.

One day I hope I don’t have to work so hard for something to feel easy.

I’m sure Arthur and Mikey got it good. Sometimes I think about them singing show tunes together and how Arthur doesn’t have to introduce Broadway hits like Hamilton to someone like Mikey so they’re free to talk about more obscure off-Broadway shows. Stuff for the real theater fans, not ones like me who listen to a cast album because a cute boy wanted me to while he read my manuscript. That experience with Arthur was really special and intimate. It’s upsetting how that’s nothing but a moment in time; I’m nothing but a blip for him. I liked his Instagram post and he still didn’t bother reaching out to let me know that he’s in New York. Really, that’s how I find out he’s in New York? Instagram?

It’s fine.

I’m going to stop obsessing about the past.

I’m going to keep my eyes on my own paper.

On my own life.

Like how tomorrow I get to spend time with Mario. I’m going to help him with some errands before we hang out at my place. Watch a movie, work on some Spanish, maybe even more. I totally see how this looks like a date to most outsiders. But it’s different with Mario. Everything is different with Mario.

Sometimes I feel like we’re a clock with one hand stuck on eleven, never quite meeting in the middle at twelve.

I hope we’ll find our time.

We finally get into Levain Bakery, where the smell of freshly baked cookies is powerful. Dylan informs the cashier that he’s here to pick up an order, but of course we can’t leave without treating ourselves, too. I get oatmeal raisin and Dylan gets dark chocolate peanut butter. He holds up the cookie like a fist to the sky.

“You could beat someone to death with this,” he says.

“No you can’t,” the cashier says.

Dylan stares at her suspiciously, taking a step back. “I hope you have a great and cheery day.” He carries his box and heads for the door, whispering, “She’s definitely tried killing someone with a cookie, Ben. Do we report this?”

“What do you think?”

“. . . No?”

I hold open the door and the universe takes a swing. It’s not the punch I was expecting, but that might be a few breaths away.

Arthur’s best friend, Jessie, is standing outside. She seems just as surprised to see me.

“Ben! Oh my God, hi!” Jessie hugs me, and once again, it’s like I’m being sucked back in time. She hugs Dylan next. “You guys! It’s like a reunion special.”

“Can it be one of those reunions where there’s a catfight?” Dylan rubs his palms together. “Where’s Arthur? Bring him out, let’s get this Battle of the Exes started. Ben, I love you, but my money is on Arthur. There’s something scrappy about him.”

Jessie laughs and rolls her eyes. “Arthur is still unpacking at the apartment. I’m on cookie duty. Do you guys remember that night at Milton’s? Feels like ages ago.”