Her Perfect Family(64)
And suddenly I’m seeing not only that I’m strong enough to get through this but that I have more options than I’d realised. Apparently, you can do private adoptions. I didn’t really know anything about this; I’d assumed it was just part of surrogacy or something. I’d discounted adoption as I know that Mum and Dad would completely freak out at the prospect of having a grandchild ‘out there’ with no proper contact. But get this. With a private adoption, you can write your own rules. Be as involved as you want in the child’s life.
Like I say, it’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders because it no longer feels as if it’s a black-and-white choice. Have the baby (and put off all my dreams) or have an abortion (and possibly regret it?). I mean I’m not judging others here. Some people are fine having a termination and that’s their business and their right but I just don’t think that’s me. It’s been keeping me up at night. And I still feel fury that it was his immediate reaction – to get rid of the child.
But a private adoption? Maybe . . .
I’m not going to make any quick decisions, of course, as I’ve been swinging like a pendulum ever since I found out about the pregnancy. But I want to at least consider this properly.
And I don’t have to decide until after the graduation ceremony so I just need to get my head straight, dig deep, and talk to Mum and Dad.
Results are in ten days. All I need now is to get that damn first.
Also – just before I sign off – I need to sort out my Facebook security settings. I’ve had another couple of weird messages. I’m trying to be calmer about it as it’s hopefully just someone random. But I’ve been googling and I didn’t even realise that you can check which devices have logged into your Facebook account.
Unbelievable. There have been loads of log ins on devices I don’t recognise – an iPad Air (I don’t have one) and a Mac (don’t have one of them either). Obviously my money is on ‘A’. I changed my password but if he was already logged in via some other device, I’m wondering if that is a loophole? No idea.
I can apparently disallow these other devices which might solve the problem.
We’ll see. I just wish I was on to all this sooner. I’m always careful now about what I post on Facebook and I don’t use DMs any more, just to be on the safe side. I wish I’d taken the whole security side of social media more seriously before now.
But I’m feeling a tiny bit better overall. Not crying quite so much. If I can just get results and graduation out of the way, and then get Mum and Dad behind me, hopefully I can make the right decisions and come out of this all OK.
CHAPTER 46
THE PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Amelie has paint all over her hands when Matthew arrives at the school. She’s in the art room of the nursery wing with one of the classroom assistants, and beams as he walks into the room.
Matthew sweeps her into a hug, not caring about the paint, and closes his eyes with relief.
‘You’re hugging too tight, Daddy.’
‘Sorry, darling. Sorry.’
‘I got paint on your shirt.’
‘It doesn’t matter. Listen – I need to just have a quick chat with the head teacher and then we’re going home early.’
‘Am I in trouble?’
‘No, no. Of course not.’ He kisses her on the forehead, cupping her face.
‘What about my lunch? They said it’s crumble and custard today.’
‘We’ll have lunch with Mummy. Find you something nice. Ice cream.’
‘With chocolate sauce?’
Matthew ruffles his daughter’s hair, relief still sweeping through him. Trust Amelie to play the advantage card. He stands and looks towards the head teacher Mrs Lewis who’s waiting in the doorway. She’s in charge of both the main school and the nursery wing too.
‘Yes to chocolate sauce. I’ll be back in just a moment. You finish your lovely picture.’
Matthew follows Mrs Lewis into her office where a uniformed officer is waiting. The PC introduces himself and looks wary. Matthew’s already explained on the phone that there are ‘complications’ but he’ll need Mel to sort out the protocols. The head teacher gave him an outline on the phone and he’s shared the bare bones with Mel. But they urgently need more details.
‘My wife should be here in about ten minutes.’ He checks his watch, thinking of his own frantic drive here. Sally was at the hairdresser’s and is distraught to have missed the school’s call, which went to voicemail while she was at the basin.
Mrs Lewis adjusts her screen so that Matthew and the police officer can see the footage from the school’s security cameras.
‘We had a problem a couple of years back with reports of a man hanging around outside. So we had these installed, covering the playground and the gates. As I said, Amelie came in during the morning playtime to say she had a letter for her daddy.’
Mrs Lewis presses play on her machine and Matthew watches the blurred image. Amelie is playing hopscotch on her own near the corner of the playground and then suddenly looks up. A woman is standing outside the playground railings. Amelie pauses as if listening and then walks over to the woman. Matthew feels his stomach muscles tighten.
Amelie and the stranger talk for just a moment and then the woman passes something through the railings. They seem to say something else to each other and then Amelie moves across the playground, out of sight of the camera.