Heartache and Hope (Heartache Duet #1)(59)

“Ava!”

She slams her locker shut, and then she runs… a slow run, but still a run. The first sound of her cry comes just as we pass the office. I manage to get her around the waist, force her to stop and face me. “I’m sorry,” I say, “I’m sorry.” It’s all my brain can come up with.

She squeezes her arms between us, her hands on my chest, and then she pushes. She pushes me away, swiping at her tear-stained cheeks. Her cries echo through the empty halls as she holds her bag to her chest and takes the few steps to the psych office. I follow after her, but I don’t touch her, too afraid of her reaction.

She opens the door without knocking, and I’m right behind, stopping just inside. Miss Turner stands as soon as she sees Ava, dropping her sandwich on her desk. “Ava?” she whispers, then looks at me. “What happened?”

Ava’s cries are louder now, uncontrollable, and there’s an ache in my chest that prevents me from answering.

“Ava?” Miss Turner says again, moving around the desk to get to her. “Sweetheart?”

“You said!” Ava cries, the loudness of her voice shaking me to my core. I pull out of my daze, only to realize she’s talking to me. “You said, Connor! You said you didn’t want anything more from me!”

My heart squeezes, flatlines. A lump forms in my throat. “I didn’t…” I look between Ava and Miss Turner. “I didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t know!” she screams. “They don’t do it in front of you or Rhys, but they do it. And they do it to me. And to her!” She takes a breath. “You said…” she repeats, quieter this time. She leans against the wall and then slides down until her ass hits the floor. “You pressured me to be there, to face that… You said you just wanted me, but you lied!” She lifts her knees to her chest, her face going between them, arms covering her head, shielding her from… from me. “You lied, Connor.”

She’s rocking now, back and forth, and I haven’t taken a breath. Haven’t felt a single beat in the place I keep just for her. “Ava, I don’t—” I choke on my words. “I don’t know what to say.”

Her cries are silent, the sound replaced by hiccups, and she won’t look up, won’t stop rocking. And then her breaths get louder, faster, escalating to a point harsh enough that Miss Turner curses, grabs a paper bag from her desk drawer. She drops to her knees in front of Ava and strokes her hair, imploring her to look up.

Tears fill my eyes while the knot in my stomach grows and grows and grows some more. Ava takes the bag from Miss Turner and breathes into it, her breaths slowing, but her cries still steady. Her shoulders shake with every one of her hiccups, and all I can do is stand.

Watch.

Wait.

Worry.

The bell rings, and Miss Turner looks up at me. “Go to class, Connor.”

I widen my stance, my arms at my sides. “I’m not leaving her.”

Ava’s single whimper shatters every living cell inside of me.

Miss Turner’s voice hardens. “That wasn’t a suggestion, Mr. Ledger. Get to class. Now!”





I don’t know how I make it through the rest of the afternoon, but as soon as the bell rings, I go searching for Ava. First her locker, then my car, then Miss Turner’s office. She’s nowhere to be found, and so I call her. Again and again and each time there’s no answer. I try messaging her:

Connor: Where are you?





And then Rhys:

Connor: Do you know where she is?





And then I go to send one to Trevor, but I realize I don’t even have his number. Hands pulling at my hair, I look up at the sky for answers—answers that aren’t there. I check the basketball court, the locker rooms, and then Miss Turner’s office again. It’s locked.

I knock. “Ava?”

There’s no response, so I go to the office and ask where Miss Turner is. Apparently, she’s clocked out for the day. I give up on school and am almost home, my phone continually dialing Ava’s number as I drive. And then a text comes through:

Rhys: She’s here.





I pull over.

Connor: With you?

Rhys: Yeah.





Jealousy burns a hole in my chest.

Connor: At your house?

Rhys: No, but yeah. Just drive to my house. You’ll see us.





Rhys rushes to my open window the second he sees my car. I spot Ava sitting on the sidewalk, her legs crossed, staring up at her old house. “She won’t talk,” Rhys says, his voice low as he pulls on the car door to get me out faster. “I tried, man, but… I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”

“All right,” I tell him, calm. As if I have all the answers. I’m as lost as he is, if not worse, because I should know what to say. Or do. But I don’t. And maybe it’s worse that I’m here, because maybe I’m the one who caused all of this, but I’m not willing to walk away like I did before. “Just go home; I’ll take care of her.”

He leaves without another word, and I gather what little strength I have left and slowly go to her. Her cheeks are wet, but there are no tears in her eyes. At least not yet. “Ava?” I whisper, and she blinks, looks down at her hands. “Can I sit with you?”