Havenfall (Havenfall #1)(44)

But what if the rumors are true?

“Weird,” I say, but instead of coming out light and airy, my voice cracks on the word. I keep coming back to the same conclusion: I have to close the Solarian door as soon as possible, to keep anyone and anything from getting out or in. As long as the door’s open, the inn is vulnerable, a gaping wound right below our feet.

Taya, now leaning against the desk—it’s like she can’t sit still or stay in one place—looks up. “What is it?”

“It’s only …” I clear my throat and gather my thoughts. Buying time, I drop the papers on the nightstand and line up their edges carefully. “I still kind of can’t believe that you believe me. About everything.”

“Don’t question it, or I might change my mind.” Taya grins and claps my shoulder before leaning back with her hands on the desktop, tipping her head up to consider the oak-beam ceiling. “There’s something strange about this place. I can feel it. And …” She looks down at me for a second, then up again, cheeks stained pink. “My brother always told me there were other worlds out there. That maybe we were a prince and princess of one of them, and someday we would find our way back. I shouldn’t remember that. I was just a toddler, but I do.” Then her smile dims. “Unless I just made it all up. That’s also a possibility.”

“No.” The word comes out with a force that surprises me. Maybe because the way she talks about Terran is like putting a stethoscope to my own chest and hearing my thoughts about Nate. “Just because you were little doesn’t mean the memories aren’t real.” Mine are real.

“You asked about my big life goals,” Taya says. “I want to find him.” She lets out a shaky laugh. “It sounds stupid out loud.”

“Not stupid at all.” Sympathetic pain shoots through my chest. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose a brother because of a government system, not because of a monster like I did. To know every day that he might be out there somewhere, and never know for sure. “I could help you.”

I don’t know why I say it. I never decided to say it. The words just come out. But I find that I can’t take them back either. I just sit there like an idiot, looking up at her, still half-sure that she’s going to laugh in my face any second.

She tilts her head, and it’s hard to read her face. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I lost a brother too. I’d give anything to have him back.” More word-vomit.

What is it about Taya that makes me lose it like this? I’ve always prided myself on my ability to keep my mouth shut. I never told anyone about Havenfall, except my dad, even though—or maybe because—I knew he wouldn’t believe me. I’ve never talked about Nate because I could never share the whole truth, and lying always made it worse, not better. And now here I am, spilling my guts to someone who I met only a little over a day ago, practically a stranger.

Her face has softened. “I’m sorry. Is he—”

“Dead, yeah. Nate died.”

I say the words fast like that’ll make it easier, but it doesn’t, nothing does. The tears are threatening again. Hastily, I grope to change the subject. I point to the papers.

“Help me get to the bottom of this, and once my uncle gets better I’ll do whatever I can to help you find your brother. Terran?”

“Terran,” she confirms. Her eyes on mine are thoughtful and so dark, almost black.

“Deal.”

She leans forward and shakes my hand in a soft, warm grip, and then leans back, blowing out a breath like she’s exhausted. “Whew. This summer is already heavier than I signed up for.”

“What did you sign up for?” I ask, half-curious.

She hitches one shoulder in a shrug. “The usual. You know. Kill some time, forget about my ex-girlfriend, make some money so I can find my brother.”

“Are you in college somewhere?” I ask, remembering that she’s nineteen.

A guarded look flits over her face. It’s there and then gone. “No. The making money thing has to come first.” Her tone doesn’t invite any further questions. “What about you?” she asks.

Even though there’s a hint of a sparring tone to her words, I feel a smile spread over my face as I think about my master plan. “Yeah. I want to take classes online and live here.”

“And what then?”

I shrug. It’s become a habit to talk about Havenfall to outsiders in a deliberately casual way—letting anyone see how deep my need for this place goes is exposing a wound in my soul. People my age want money, a car, a college acceptance letter, a boyfriend or girlfriend. Normal things. All I want in the world is for Havenfall to be my home.

“Who knows?” I say lightly. “Maybe I’ll take this place over someday.”

Taya’s gaze holds mine, and I have the uncanny feeling she sees through my blasé fa?ade.

But all she says is, “Sounds like a good plan.”



The next morning when I wake up, I feel just as exhausted as ever, having scarcely slept at all. Nightmares kept me tossing and turning all night, and though I can’t remember them, I can guess well enough what they were about. Open doorways, tunnels hiding monsters.

Still, I drag myself out of bed, into my least wrinkled clothes—a short, long-sleeved gray dress over black leggings—and stumble downstairs to Marcus and Graylin’s suite.