Havenfall (Havenfall #1)(16)

Disappointment and impatience flare through me. “Of course. Just give me a minute.” I take a step away, but Marcus’s hand on my shoulder stops me.

“Brekken’s a soldier now, Maddie,” Marcus says, his voice low and serious.

“Okaaay.” I draw out the word. “So what? What are you getting at?”

“So he’s bound to the High Court.”

“All the more reason to go congratulate him.” There’s a beat of awkwardness. “Isn’t that the proper thing to do? I’ll get the bubbly after I say hello.”

My confusion must show on my face, because my uncle hurries to add, “Yes, but … just … don’t spend all your time together. You know how people talk.”

“No, I don’t know.” My voice comes out sharp and I can’t help it. “What will people say?”

And why should I care?

“We are the portal-keepers. We have to stay neutral, Maddie. No one can think we’re showing favoritism between the Realms. That is our job. Our responsibility. That is, if you want to run Havenfall one day.”

“Of course I want that,” I say, waspish. “You know that. More than anything.”

Anything except maybe Brekken.

What Marcus is saying makes sense, but he’s talking to me like I’m a kid, and it rankles me.

“You’re married to a Fiorden,” I point out.

“Graylin was never a soldier.”

I swallow, trying to stay calm even though it feels like the bottom of my stomach has dropped out. The horrible thing is that Marcus’s right; I know how careful he is to split his time evenly between Fiordens and Byrnisians. The whole point of Havenfall and the peace summit is to provide a neutral zone for the Adjacent Realms. Fiordenkill and Byrn are the only two left, making it more important than ever to sustain the peace.

But my stupid brain never connected that with Brekken. We can’t be together. And now my eyes are burning.

I clench my fist tight. I cannot, I will not, cry in front of Marcus and the delegates and everyone. I know Havenfall isn’t perfect, but it’s supposed to be mine, the summer refuge that makes up for the shitty rest of the year. Strange that a place with so many rigid rules, regulations, and protocols would have, all this time, felt to me like freedom.

“What we do here is dangerous, Maddie,” Marcus is saying. He smiles at me, gently, but his eyes are serious. “We need to be all things to everyone to maintain the balance. This place, what happens here, is important and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but I don’t want to see you hurt again.”

Again.

He pauses, twirling his wineglass in his hands, then looks back up at me. And I know he’s trying to find the words for something he tells me every year, in his roundabout way.

This is our history. Our legacy. To be Innkeeper requires courage, diplomacy, and the will to carry out the greater good. Not everyone is cut out to do this work. It won’t be easy, but you’re strong.

The idea fills my head like an oil spill. It triggers the dread that always eats away at the corner of my mind, the fear that with the wrong words or actions, I could lose Havenfall. I could misstep and turn the delegates against me, or let the secret slip and ruin everything. Since I was a child, this place has been the only place that has ever mattered to me—the inn and its people have felt like home all these years. Without it, I’d have nothing.

Sometimes the past is better kept locked away.

I clutch my key ring, feeling the metal edges of the cat-ear brass knuckles scrape into my palm, focusing on the minor physical pain to chase the other kind away while I go around to the other side of the bar. I need to get some air. I need to talk to Brekken.

If I ran into Brekken on my way to the cellar, that could hardly be read as favoritism, could it?

Anyway, all these delegates have seen us play together as children, weaving through feet in the ballroom, making a mess of the gardens, splashing around in Mirror Lake. It’s hard to think everything has to change now.

He comes into view and my heart flips, the dark worries of moments ago bubbling down to a low simmer. I want to launch myself at him and throw my arms around his neck, but Fiordens aren’t big huggers, so I stop an arm’s length from him, my heart banging against my ribs. Just as well, as it turns out, because he has two glasses of something sparkling in his hands.

“Maddie,” he says, and his eyes are the exact shade of indescribable blue as the mountains outside. He’s grinning. “I am so, so glad to see you.”

“Well, I scarcely recognize you,” I tease, though the effect is a little ruined by the breathless way my voice comes out. “What’s it like being a soldier?”

Brekken smiles, unmistakable pride lighting his eyes. This is all he’s wanted since we were little kids, since he made me practice sword fighting with him with sticks we found in the garden, or we sat upstairs in my room, playacting battles with my stuffed animals. He passes me one of the glasses, and I take a sip to find it’s sweet. My chest warms.

“It’s difficult,” he says. “And tedious sometimes, and cold.”

“What do they have you doing?” I ask curiously. Fiordenkill is at peace as far as I know, both with Haven and Byrn and internally, among the snowbound city-states that make up that world.

“Oh, you know.” Brekken’s smile widens. He can’t quite hide how proud he is to finally be a soldier. “Nothing too exciting. Collecting taxes, protecting trade ports.”