Happenstance(83)

“Like…daycare?”

“I suppose that’s what you’d call it. She minded children.” He takes a long sip from his mug and takes his time swallowing, as if he hasn’t thought of the distant past in a while. “Sometimes I helped out.”

I concentrate on keeping my features schooled, but it is a challenge and a half. “You helped out watching children?”

“Yes.” Even Tobias looks somewhat incredulous over this revelation. “I mean, I didn’t change nappies or anything, but I brought them to the park if my mother needed a smoke. They walked behind me, two by two, holding hands.” The fondness in his expression fades gradually. He taps a finger against the side of his hot chocolate. “It must be a great story now. For them to tell at parties. Tobias Atwater used to walk me to the park. I’m sure it gets a laugh.”

There’s a prolonged pang in my ribcage. “Maybe they do tell the story. I hope so. You deserve to be thought of as more than who you were for twenty-minute intervals on camera. Because you are. A lot more.”

He sniffs. Throws his ankle up onto the opposite knee. “Forty-minute intervals.”

“My apologies,” I say, lips twitching. “So, did you push them on the swings?”

“Of course,” he responds, offended. “Looked out for playground bullies, too. There’s always one.”

“Do you like children?”

“I like them for other people.” It’s an off-handed comment, but as soon as he says it out loud, his face becomes stone cold serious. “Do you want kids, love?”

I take a deep inhale and let it out, seriously considering the question. “I’ve never thought about it before. I’ve been too busy figuring myself out. But…I’m leaning toward no. When I think about having kids, it’s only my parents that come to mind. I’d be doing it mainly for them.”

Tobias continues to study me. “I’d say Banks feels the same as me. But I’m not sure about Gabe. He strikes me as a traditionalist.” He hums. “We can get him a dog.”

That does it.

I spit hot chocolate all over Gabe’s fleece.

Tobias’s laughter fills the backyard, the sound lacking in all artifice. It’s pure and real and I realize I’ve never heard it like that before. Well worth the cost of replacing the coziest article of clothing in Gabe’s closet. “Look what you made me do!”

He’s swiping at his eyes. “I was serious about the dog. He’s the bulldog type. I know it.”

“Stop making fun of your brother.”

“He’s the favorite. It’s only fair that I get to take the piss once in a while.”

“I don’t have a favorite,” I say, looking him in the eye. “I just…”

“What?”

“I don’t know. I just have this weird…sense. When it comes to…”

“What each of us needs?”

Having it put into words out loud causes my blood to pump faster. “Yes.”

A moment passes while we look at each other, the wind picking up around us.

Tobias slowly sets his mug down on the stone patio and stands. He takes two steps until he’s towering over me, then pulls me to my feet. The only part of him that’s touching me is his hand, which encircles my wrist, but I’m close enough to feel his body heat and that alone turns me into a winded mess. In seconds, I’m trembling.

“Can you sense what I need right now?” he asks, his words feathering my mouth.

I can only manage a nod. “You need to know I’m sleeping with you for more than what your body can give me.”

That statement makes him start, his breath going choppy. “I…Elise…”

I wasn’t expecting to say that either. Maybe that’s when truth is in its rawest form. When you don’t think about letting it out, it just flies free on its own. “I’m in this for your heart, too.” I wind our fingers together and tow him behind me to the back door. “Come inside and I’ll make sure you feel it.”





Time is ceasing to have any meaning within these four walls.

I make love with Tobias in the cool dark, looking deeper than I have before and finding so much untapped strength and vulnerability inside of him. So much that he’s willing to explore with me over time. I look him in the eye as he moves on top of me, showing him how much I like who he is. Who he’ll become. Who we are together, within the circle of four. It’s a shattering experience that leaves us both shaking and gasping, holding on to one another’s hands. The hours together deplete us and we drop into a deep sleep.

I could never have expected to wake up and find that everything has turned to shit.

It’s late that afternoon after yet another shower and I’m staring down at my email inbox in disbelief, rereading the message from Karina for the third time, positive I made a mistake or looking for some winking emoji to tell me she’s joking. There’s nothing to reassure me, though, just those same damning lines in the body of the email.



* * *



Elise,



* * *



The timing of this isn’t ideal, but I’m hoping you’ll see this as a bright spot of sun in the middle of a storm. You’re going to be published! I passed your piece on to the human-interest editor, Lisette, and she ate it up like chocolate gelato. Now for the amazing part—it’s going to run in tomorrow morning’s paper. The tram power outage is still fresh in everyone’s memory and she thinks that might lead to more shares of the online version. We’re going to make it anonymous, considering the private nature of the material, not to mention we’re trying to keep you less visible until we figure everything out with Alexander. Congratulations, nonetheless! You’re a writer. I’m not hiring you, so don’t get too excited. But you’re a writer. A good one.