Happenstance(49)

“Amen to that,” Gabe sighs, looking at Tobias.

Tobias rolls his eyes.

“But we feel very strongly about you, Elise. So much that we’ve learned an entirely new nature. How to be unselfish. How to give instead of take.” Those words carry reminders of last night and my thighs flex in response. “This isn’t temporary.”

That sentiment is echoed in the eyes of the other two men, their intensity snaking around my limbs and pulling me under. Back to the place of willing surrender I was in last night.

Fight it, whispers my last iota of self-preservation.

“You don’t understand what you’re getting into. My fear of committing has bled out into every other part of my life. Professionally, I take shortcuts, because I’m afraid to do the hard work and fail. It’s why I’m a sandwich girl trying to be a reporter.” The hard part, the worst part, climbs my throat. Am I really going to reveal my worst shame out loud to these men?

Yes. I am.

I can’t believe it, but I am.

“And…I was ready to change. I was. I took a trip home to San Diego and told my parents I was done messing around. Wasting time and money with my harebrained ideas, like food trucks and all-natural deodorant. I enlisted with the marines. I was going to be in the military like my dad and finally make them proud of me, but they rejected my application. They looked at my work history and could see I had no capacity for commitment.” I try to pull my hands free of Tobias and Gabe’s grip, try to leave the warmth of Banks’s body, but they all step closer. They press in on me tightly as I gulp in a huge breath of air. “I went right back to my old habits, because I don’t know what else to do. You guys really don’t want any part of this.”

“Try us,” Gabe says gruffly against my temple.

“The truth is, we all have our shit, Elise. We’re all carrying baggage around.” Banks is speaking. “Maybe I’m crazy, but the shit doesn’t feel as heavy when we’re together.”

“I actually forgot I was carrying mine last night.” A frown line appears between Tobias’s brows. “To say that’s unusual would be an understatement.”

I’m caving. I can feel it.

I’m letting a toe edge over my line in the sand.

Because what they’re saying is true. For so long, I’ve been powerless, like I didn’t have control of my life or anything in it. Where I moved. What school I attended. As an adult, I can’t seem to find success no matter how much I want it. But when the four of us are together, I’m given this wealth of control. Sure, I’m currently locked in an escape room, but I’m usually the one deciding how we proceed. Who I touch. What I want. Yes or no.

They make me wonder what else I’m capable of. Beyond them.

“Do you guys have an actual plan or are you just going to keep showing up and accosting me in public?” I whisper in a big rush.

Their chests start to move faster. Deep exhales of relief. Inhales of anticipation.

“I always have a plan,” Banks says, pulling me closer, followed by the other two converging on me. I’m lifted into a four-way bear hug, my feet elevating off the ground.

“I always have the hotel room,” Tobias says, his tone a little bumpy. “That’s an invaluable contribution and I won’t hear any different.”

Gabe clears his throat. “I steal things.”

“We date. That’s the plan, Elise. We date you exclusively. You date us exclusively. We don’t have to put a label on this.” Banks chuckles softly. “I’m not sure there is one for us.”

My groan is muffled by Banks’s shoulder. “The group texts trying to schedule dates around four different agendas are going to unalive me.”

“Do all four of us have to go on every date?” Gabe asks. “No offense, but I doubt Tobias wants to go to a Mets game.”

The Brit rears back slightly from the four-way hug. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Gabe shrugs. “It means they don’t serve martinis at Citi Field.”

“How do they feel about uncontrollable erections?”

“Break it up, guys,” I say.

Both of their mouths snap shut. I could get used to this.

Maybe it’s that glimmer of optimism that nudges me into making a suggestion. They can’t be the only ones concerting an effort. If I’m agreeing to become a member of a quad, I’m going to be an active participant. “How about…we commit to one date per week with all four of us. The rest of the time, we can do one-on-one dates. But the other two must be made aware. All four of us have to agree to everything. I want…”

“You want…?” Tobias prompts me.

“I want you all to feel like you’re in the loop. I want you all to feel…valued.”

“Even me?” Tobias again.

I cast my gaze toward the ceiling. “I guess.”

He elbows Gabe without breaking the hug. “She’s warming up to me.”

Banks has been silent for almost a full minute. “I can agree to solo dates. And group dates once a week.”

Gabe chews the inside of his cheek for a beat. “Me too.”

“I’m in no position to make demands,” Tobias sighs, before winking at me. “Yet.”

“Do the solo dates include sex?” Gabe asks, his swallow audible.