Grounded (Up in the Air, #3)(81)

Too late, I closed out the window of that horrid video.

I looked back at him, but he wasn’t looking at me. His eyes were glazed and unseeing, still glued to the computer. He took a step back and closed the door behind him, leaving me alone in the room.

I just sat there for a few minutes, my mind still processing what I’d seen. I needed a minute to compose myself before we spoke about it, if there was even anything to say.

So he’d had sex with that horrible woman, probably too many times to count. Watching it had at least given me some clarity. James at his angriest, at his coldest, at his most furious, had never been to me what he was to Jolene. They had been a Dom and a sub letting off steam, nothing else.

Although I hadn’t realized it at the time, James had always been different with me. Looking back on it now, James had shown me a profound tenderness and love that belonged only to me, from our very first time together. I realized that I needed to value that more, because it was more precious of a gift than I’d allowed myself to see. He was my Dom, and I was his sub, but our love had turned it into so much more than what I’d seen on that video. Yes, James had been a hedonist and a slut before I’d met him, but I saw now that I’d been his first lover. He’d changed his rules for me. He bended for me constantly. Because he loved me.

I sat and brooded for maybe ten minutes before I got up and followed him.

I thought I’d find him in our bedroom. It was empty. I found my phone and called him. He didn’t answer. I searched the huge apartment for him, even venturing tentatively onto the fourth floor in my efforts.

I finally resorted to calling Blake.

“Ms. Karlsson,” she answered promptly.

“Blake, do you know where James is? Did he leave the apartment?”

“Yes, Ma’am. He left just a few minutes after he’d arrived.”

“Do you know where he went?”

“No…”

“Can you find out?” I asked, starting to panic a little.

I wanted to see him. I didn’t want him thinking the worst about my reaction to watching that video, as I knew he would.

“I’ll make some calls, Ms. Karlsson.”

“Thank you,” I said.

She hung up.

She called back about ten minutes later. “I couldn’t locate him, Ms. Karlsson. Clark isn’t picking up, and he’s the only one with Mr. Cavendish. The only answer I could get from the others is that he went out.”





[page]CHAPTER THIRTY

Mr. Kinky





I tried to just wait after that, but I was restless and worried. I had no clue where he could have gone. I didn’t know where he’d go if he was going out and upset. It was only two in the afternoon. Had he just gone back to work? I hadn’t a clue.

I tried hard just to wait patiently for him to return. I tried to paint, but it was no good. I tried to watch TV, but I was hopelessly distracted. I called Stephan, who was in Vegas with Javier, but he hadn’t heard from James. I told him what had happened.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Of course my feelings would be his first concern, I thought.

“I’m fine,” I told him. “It sucked, but it’s not as though James has ever made a secret of his past. If anything, it made me see that what he did with those other women is not the same thing that we do. I’m worried about him, not me. The look in his eyes, Stephan… I feel like I broke his heart again. I need to find him.”

He had no idea where James had gone either, but Stephan did what he did best. We talked for hours, about everything, but mostly about James, and I felt better when we said goodbye.

That good feeling lasted only an hour when there was still no sign of James. It was almost seven p.m. when I got desperate.

I was wearing a small slip of a dress, sans bra. It was an ‘around the house in the hottest part of the summer’ kind of outfit. I took the time to put on a bra, and found some comfortable shoes that matched the sleeveless, off-white dress. I called Blake as I grabbed my bag. I was at the top of the stairs when she answered.

“I’m going out,” I told her before she could say a word.

“I’ll meet you at the elevator.”

And she was there, quick as a flash.

The rest of the security was waiting in the lobby for us. They hadn’t replaced Johnny, and I was fine with that. I figured if this many people couldn’t protect me, it was a lost cause, anyway.

No one asked me where we were going until we were all in the large black SUV that had been designated for my use.

“The Cavendish Hotel,” I said. It was only a guess on my part, but I could see him going to his office if he was upset.

Security escorted me to the office suites, and I thought I must have been right as I saw that his receptionist was still on duty. She nodded for me to enter his office, as though she’d been instructed just to let me in.

No one followed me as I opened his door tentatively.

James was there, sitting at his desk, staring blankly at his computer, his hand unmoving on his mouse.

I stepped inside and shut the door softly behind me. I walked to him, but he didn’t look at me.

Still, I saw something wounded and vulnerable move behind those tarnished eyes of his as I approached.

“James,” I said softly.