Graduation Day (The Testing, #3)(78)

The scars on my arm tingled as I stared into their eyes and wondered if these patients knew the mutated humans I shot during the fourth test. I wish I knew their names, but the newly appointed head of Decatur Colony’s research team, Dreu Owens, does not know the identities of those I killed or whether they were research subjects or natural mutations like the ones scientists are hoping eventually to treat and cure. Dreu told me that after being assigned to Decatur Colony, he wanted to leave when he realized most residents and test subjects were former Testing candidates and Redirected University students. But he didn’t because, now that he understands the work being done, he can’t leave behind those who suffered. Not if there is a chance of curing them. And from the partially cured human and animal mutations Dreu showed us, I believe there really may be a chance.

But not if those in charge continue the practices that have been employed up till now. Because while many former candidates and students are content to be working in labs and helping to discover a cure, there are others who are bitter and angry. Who believe that the methods being used are wrong and who live in fear that they might be chosen as the next subject for experimentation. Dreu has already announced that he will limit research to subjects who have already suffered mutations and that those who are unhappy in their current work will be able to request a transfer to another project.

Over the president’s objections, I insisted on taking two Decatur Colony residents with me—Raffe’s sister Emilie and Will’s twin brother, Gil. Both had been assigned to work in the labs and seem to be undamaged. It appears they had escaped scientific testing. After seeing what they could have been faced with, I am glad they are untouched. Both have been reunited with their brothers. The smile I saw on Will’s face was the same one I remember him wearing the first time we met. He and Gil exchanged jokes and finished each other’s sentences as if they’d never been apart. Seeing their happiness made me hold back the questions I will someday ask. About Dr. Barnes. The bullet holes. The credit Will gave me. But even without hearing the answers, I can see the truth when Will’s smile fades and he thinks no one is watching. He is living with the memories of what he has done. Something his brother and Emilie do not have to do.

All memory of the time spent in Decatur Colony has been removed from them. The president and her advisors believe limiting the memory of those who return from the colony and the public’s information about the research done there is essential to retaining peace. Another secret kept for the good of our country. When I consider the president’s logic, I cannot disagree. And yet, part of me wonders if we can ever truly learn from what we have done if we continue to suppress or erase the past.

And yet, there is hope that we have learned something. Last week, I watched from the Debate Chamber gallery as President Collindar kept her bargain with Dr. Barnes. Standing at the podium, looking out on a filled Chamber and observation area, the president announced the disbanding of the University selection process known as The Testing. Current University students will continue their education under the temporary direction of Professor Douglas Lee—head of Early Studies and professor of history. Meanwhile, the president and her office will work closely with the Education Department to create a new selection system for the University, one that will be the same for both Tosu City and colony students.

The city is buzzing about the traitor who killed Dr. Barnes, Professor Holt, Official Jefferies, and Professor Chen. I know now that only three of them should be dead. In the days following the attack and Dr. Barnes’s death, I learned that Professor Chen was pushing for a reevaluation of The Testing’s purpose and the method of selecting new students. Tomas and Stacia learned of Professor Chen’s true intent when they went to her house. Once she was restrained, Tomas wanted to leave but Stacia refused. A bullet at close range from Stacia’s gun killed Professor Chen. Stacia was determined to follow the president’s instructions. The United Commonwealth president was Stacia’s leader. Not me. Stacia died moments later. Tomas says it was self-defense. I have not pressed him. Perhaps because I can see the real answer in the shadows that fill his eyes. Maybe someday he will tell me why he killed Stacia, but I doubt it. In his mind, what happened is over. It is time to move on.

My name has not been mentioned in conjunction with Dr. Barnes’s death or the elimination of the others. Nor have the names of Tomas, Ian, Raffe, Stacia, and Will, though our friends from our former study group helped us create a marker decorated with the symbol Raffe created to honor Stacia. We placed it next to the one Professor Holt hung for Rawson. A fitting tribute, I hope, for a girl who wanted more than anything to be important. She and I might not have agreed on much in the end, but for better or worse, she was still my friend. I miss her.

Thanks to the president’s official version of events, I can go on with my life without anyone knowing about the task the president gave me and the choices I made. Tomas is grateful. I suppose I am, too, although I have already told the truth to my family around the same kitchen table where I learned how to divide and multiply. I notice my brothers no longer tease me as easily as they used to. My mother tries to pretend nothing is different, but I have seen her watching me. I know she wants me to be the same girl who left home, and I try my best to act like her, but we both know I am not. My father is the only one who truly understands. Perhaps because he too has been Tested.

I stand and look to the west. Far in the distance I see the current boundaries of Five Lakes Colony and the unrevitalized