Golden Boys (Golden Boys, #1)(64)

He laughs and looks away. “I wanted to reinvent myself, like you said. I was at the table on the first day, making my name tag, and I thought about who I wanted to be. And that person was … the person you see me as.”

“Is that Matt guy your boyfriend?” I ask tentatively. I don’t want to mess up anything he has, but his closeness, his scent, brings me so much comfort that I can’t not ask.

Gabe swallows hard, then shakes his head. “He’s … not.”

My hand climbs up his back, lightly gracing his neck, until the back of his head fits in my palm. I hear his breath, I feel my heartbeat. I lean into him, and I push him back onto the bed. Our lips lock, and it’s just like before.

And for one moment—with his tongue on mine, and my body pressed into him—everything is back to normal again.





? iMessage ?

DIANA + REESE





CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

HEATH

It’s about nine thirty, and Diana and Jeanie are still asleep, so I take a walk. I think about going down to the beach, since the beach is never so peaceful as it is before ten. But we certainly got enough of it last night, watching the sunrise while the last of the fireworks were shot off down the coast.

I’m extremely tired, but not hungover. When we got back, Diana was militant about us taking ibuprofen, vitamin B3 (a hangover life hack, according to her, and probably not science), and chugging a Gatorade each before we got into bed.

The only problem was that I stopped drinking once Cole and I started making out, and Diana did not. I was drunk, but she was in rare form. For some reason, she just kept drunkenly apologizing to me all night. There’s no amount of B3 that is going to prevent that hangover.

I can still taste Cole’s lips, and when I think about it, it’s like a blush takes over my entire body. I have no frame of reference, but that felt so good. I’ve never felt free enough to pull someone into my arms like that. I’m almost giddy, but I can’t say the feelings I have for him changed much overnight. Turns out he’s a great kisser, but I’m not looking for anything more with him.

There’s this regret I feel, though. And I wonder if things will be weird between us now. The feeling seizes my chest every time I think back to last night, though so much of it is fuzzy, and it feels like how Gabriel describes his panic attacks. Sudden, gripping pain, then this sheer embarrassment like I can feel the color dripping from my face.

But then I think about the smile on Cole’s face, and feel the smile on my own, and think that whatever happened last night couldn’t have been that bad.

REESE

I can’t stop thinking about that guy. To Diana’s credit, making me see it was a complete accident, and she seemed to know that Heath and I had something special going on. Even if she didn’t name what it was, and even if I couldn’t name it, she made it known. She turned off the FaceTime as soon as she could (too late), then I suddenly got iMessages from a number I didn’t recognize, all saying more or less the same thing: that wasn’t real.

But god, did it seem real.

I’ve been a zombie all day, just going through the motions in class. I can’t even tell you what we learned in any of them, and even Philip seemed to get the hint that I wasn’t up for it today. After the third time he asked me if I was okay, I snapped at him to leave me alone, which was unfair.

Which is why I’m outside his door right now. Hesitating before knocking, because I don’t know if he’ll want to see me. But I have to try.

“Hey, Reese,” he says. “Two visitors in one day. What are the chances?”

He opens the door and gives me a cautious smile as I enter. A girl’s sitting on his bed. She looks disheveled in a slightly purposeful way and is wearing an oversized T-shirt and torn jean shorts, with her flats resting on a suitcase just to the side of the bed.

“Oh wow, hi!” I say, suddenly caught off guard by seeing anyone else in his room. “You must be Emily. I’ve heard so much about you!”

I don’t say that the things I’ve heard about her aren’t exactly the best—her insecurities about Philip’s pansexuality, her hesitations about him studying in school here. But I feel like what Philip needs most is for me to act like everything is normal. So I do that.

“I didn’t realize you were here. Why don’t I come back later?”

“Is everything okay?” he asks, and I hesitate slightly before nodding. “You’ve been weird all day. I was excited to tell you Emily was arriving today, but you seemed a little out of it. Not to mention, you were late to just about every class.”

My facade breaks, slightly. “I just had a bad morning. But I really don’t want to bother you guys. It looks like she just got here.”

“Oh, no, I got in this morning.” Emily laughs. “I took a quick tour of the city while you were in class, and I’ve been avoiding unpacking ever since.”

Philip hops onto the bed with Emily, and I take his desk chair. We talk a bit about Emily’s flight, the cooking classes she’s been taking over the summer, and the conversation flips to our designs.

“It’s amazing how much Philip’s designs have improved since he got here.” She shakes her head. “And you letting him borrow your illustration tablet was key—have you seen his final project?”