Glory over Everything: Beyond The Kitchen House(9)

“Give me some work,” I say, afraid that if they don’t get me goin’, Mr. Burton send me off. So Molly gets me to carry in wood and sweep the floor. When it’s time to eat, she hands me a plate with two eggs and some warm biscuits that got butter drippin’ off. I eat it all, even though my stomach rumblin’ ’cause it don’ know what to do with all this food, then she sets me up to help her wash the pots an’ pans.





CHAPTER THREE


1830


James


IT WAS DARK after Henry left, and in my dressing room Robert had already put flame to the candle sconces on my tall cheval mirror. I slipped off my day coat and draped it carefully over the back of the tapestry-covered armchair, yet another fine piece of furniture that I inherited after Mrs. Burton died. But this night, appreciation for what my adopted parents had given me was overridden by my worry. In fact, I was so filled with concern that I, a man who is always punctual, sat down in the chair knowing full well I was already behind schedule and that tonight a late entry would not do.

To blend into this aristocratic society, through the years I had painstakingly studied the unwritten rules. Knowing when to arrive and, as important, when to take leave, was only the beginning. Whom to greet, whose hand to take, the clothes to wear, the gift to send, all reflected back, and that, for me, left no room for error.

But tonight, for the first time in a long while, I questioned if I could meet the challenge. This evening’s event, hosted at the home of leading society members, Mr. and Mrs. Cardon, was meant as a celebration for artists awarded grants from the Peale Museum. Most of the attention would fall on known artists, and though I was one of the minor recipients, my appearance was required. I should have been eager to attend, yet I sat, head in hands: Pan’s disappearance and Henry’s visit had raised buried fears.

When the museum offered to fund an art excursion, I leaped at the opportunity. Their support was given so I might travel south along the coastline to study the natural habitat of birds native to that region. If, on my return, my work was approved, it would result in a small book for print, meant for travelers to better identify bird species. Now, after Henry’s visit, I questioned my quick decision to accept. In the twenty years since I had escaped Virginia, time had dulled my fears, but when faced with Henry’s alarm about Pan’s disappearance, I was reminded of the dangers that might await me in those Southern slave states. Might I be recognized? Was it possible that patrollers were still searching for me? Why hadn’t I considered my safety more carefully? Yet these worries came too late, for I was committed, and there was no turning back.

My anxiety about the evening only increased when I considered another concern, one as troubling as my first. It was Caroline. I was torn, for seeing her again would mean an end to the agony of our separation. But in what state would I find her? She had every right to be furious that I had stayed away.

I heard the clock strike and forced myself to my feet. Quickly, I removed my clothes, then shivered as I lowered myself into the bath, for though there was heat from the fireplace, the water had already cooled in the metal tub. I had no sooner soaped myself than Robert entered, bearing a large bucket of steaming water. “I was hoping you would wait,” he said.

“I am already late.”

“Yes, sir,” he replied, slowly and carefully pouring in the hot water so I could rinse myself clean. I stepped out to catch hold of the bath blanket that Robert held, then dried myself while he stood by, ready with a fresh white shirt. As I pulled on my clean drawers and my dress pants, then tucked in my shirt, Robert clicked his tongue. “Sir, we have not done your manicure.”

I glanced at my hands. “It will have to do,” I said, buttoning my trousers. From behind, he fastened my galluses, then placed them over my shoulders so I could button them in the front. As Robert expertly tied my cravat, I took in some deep breaths. “I would cancel the whole trip,” I said, “if I were not obligated to go.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And now I’ve promised Henry that I will search for Pan.”

“I understand,” he said, “though the boy was warned not to go down to the shipyards.”

“Then why would he have gone?”

Robert hesitated while buttoning my blue satin waistcoat.

“What is it?” I asked. “Tell me.”

“Molly said that he came to her requesting money,” Robert said.

“For what purpose?”

“The boy said that he wanted to buy you a parrot.”

“What? Why would he want to do that?”

“He told Molly that he wanted to see you happy again.”

My chest thumped. Only Pan would have considered me in this way. That foolish, foolish boy! I had a sudden chill. Until that moment I had held out hope that he might safely resurface, but I knew that to find a bird, he would have gone down to the docks.

“Didn’t Molly warn him?”

“She didn’t consider that he might go to the shipyards. She thought that all birds were sold down in the market.” Robert held up my black tailcoat, indicating that he needed me to hold on to my shirtsleeves. “If we hurry, you will not be that late,” he said.

I held out my arms as Robert slipped my coat up and over my shoulders. He fooled with the collar until, impatient, I turned around to see myself reflected in the mirror. I stepped closer, using my fingers to pull my damp brown hair forward in loose curls, while Robert used a hairbrush to smooth the close-cut hair at the back of my head. I slipped on the black satin eye patch, though tonight I gave my useless eye little thought when I saw the lines of concern on my face. Those must be erased. This evening was meant to be a celebration, and I was expected to look the part of a joyous recipient.