Glory over Everything: Beyond The Kitchen House(35)

“And were you attached to any of them?” she asked.

“I . . . I suppose I was,” I said. “But there were debts.”

“You see, dear,” said Mrs. Burton, turning back to her husband, “there are debts here as well! We must sell the lot and be done with it!”

“But do you not think it unfair to include the two of them in the sale?” Mr. Burton protested.

“Unfair? Unfair!” Mrs. Burton cried, startling me with her level of upset. “For the past thirty years, I have been unable to visit my only brother. He insisted on having that unhealthy and illegal union with a Negress, and if that were not enough, he added an offspring! Imagine! To leave behind a Negro daughter who lays claim to his blood! And now he expects me to decide the future of these two. I will not do it! I will not take responsibility where he did not. They will be sold with the others.”

I was horrified to learn Mrs. Burton’s true feelings and I fumbled with a weak excuse before I hastily left the table. I had come so close to disclosing my own truth. What if they were to find out about me? What might they do? Should I leave before that happened? But where could I go? What would I do to support myself? Now that I finally felt at home, my stomach turned at the thought of leaving.

That night I lay on my bed, overcome with indecision, but by morning I had convinced myself to stay, certain there was no way the Burtons could learn of my past.

My one concern was Delia, for her resentment intensified as the Burtons and I grew closer. I did not trust her, for one day after she returned some laundered shirts to my room, I noted that the sketches and paintbrushes on my desktop were in disarray. On closer inspection, I saw that my top desk drawer had also been gone through.

I religiously kept the key to the bottom drawer of the chest-on-chest with me in the pocket of my waistcoat, but her suspicions alarmed me: not only did that drawer keep safe the jewelry, it also secured the letter I had received from Lavinia at Tall Oaks—one I clung to yet knew I should destroy.

Almost two months after I had posted the letter to Tall Oaks, a reply came. Although I had told myself not to expect a response, I found myself stopping at the post office whenever passing by on an errand. The day I received the letter, I was so stunned that I treated it like a hot coal and pocketed it quickly before hurrying back to the shop. For the remainder of the day, it burned against my chest. That evening, on our arrival home, I meant to go to my room to get cleaned up as usual before our meal, and there planned to read the letter, but Robert met us at the door. “Mrs. Burton had a difficult day and would like you to join her for an early supper.”

“Of course, of course,” agreed Mr. Burton, and since I had no ready excuse, I followed him to her quarters.

In spite of her confinement, or perhaps because of it, Mrs. Burton was in a talkative mood. I hid my distress when, after the meal, she asked that I bring Malcolm to her. The bird was overexcited, and for the first time I reprimanded him when he playfully nipped at my ear.

“Was your day difficult, dear?” Mrs. Burton asked when she sensed my irritable mood.

“No, it was fine,” I answered abruptly, then checked myself. “I didn’t sleep well last night,” I offered as an excuse.

“Then you must have a good rest tonight. Take Malcolm back to his room and later go to Delia for a warm cup of milk before you retire. That always works well for me.”

I thanked her, and when I leaned over to give her cheek my customary kiss for the night, I never felt such a traitor.

Once in my room I sat for a long time, fingering the letter and not daring to break the seal. When I finally did, I held my breath as I read the response that had come from both Miss Lavinia and Belle.

Dear James,

It is difficult to express how happy we were to learn of your safety. Countless times we’ve worried over you. How I wish I had the opportunity to speak with you before you left. I can only imagine your shock in learning the truth about your mother, and I regret my part in the deceit. If the need ever arises for you to have papers drawn up to verify your freedom, you must let me know.

I convinced your mother that you would like to hear from her and her note is included below.

If it is safe, please let us hear from you again.

Lavinia

My legs had gone weak and I sat down at the desk to read on:

Jamie,

Thank you for letting us know that you got there safe. You don’t say in your letter that you is living white but I hope that you is.

I live with Miss Lavinia. The big house got built again and the farm we work is horses not tobacco.

Belle

I went to the fireplace, meaning to destroy the letter, but I could not let go of it. I read the words over and over until I was sobbing. Here was proof that there were people who cared about me. I did have a home, I just dared not return to it.





CHAPTER TWELVE


1814


James


OVER THE NEXT two years, I devoted myself to the Burtons. I applied myself so diligently at work that by my seventeenth birthday, Nicholas had me working on assignments consigned by some of our wealthiest customers. In the evenings, often over supper, Mr. Burton did not hold back his praise, and I basked in his approval. Mrs. Burton was ever warmer toward me, and though I did not forget her revealing words, her devotion was such that I could almost convince myself her feelings for me would not change should she learn the truth about me.