Give the Dark My Love(23)

The amputation had become an autopsy.





TWELVE


    Nedra



The ferry was quieter on the return to Blackdocks than it had been this morning when we left. The wind had died down, too, and the waves were more like gentle hills than choppy cliffs. I let the boat rock away all my dark thoughts. This must be what wealth is like, I thought, being able to slip away from the bad things others can’t escape.

As we drew farther and farther away from the quarantine hospital, I could see the worry sliding from my fellow students’ faces. Their shoulders straightened. They looked toward Northface Harbor, not the hospital.

They talked about what they were going to get for lunch.

Grey and I were among the last to disembark from the ferry. He held his hand out for me to steady myself as I stepped onto the dock. His face turned toward the street winding up to Yūgen Academy. But I looked back.

I wanted to go home.

The longing of it hit me like a punch in the stomach. I missed my family, my friends. I missed being in a place and knowing that I was a part of it. I missed the church hall, I missed singing. I missed belonging.

“Ned?” Grey asked when I didn’t move.

I turned around, my eyes searching past the small island where the quarantine hospital was, farther, across the bay, to the northern shore. The coastline curved in a crescent, and I imagined picking out the spot where my village was.

Grey tugged at my arm, and I reluctantly turned to follow him. But another boat a few slips down caught my eye, and I pulled free and raced over to it.

Carso had told me when he dropped me off at Blackdocks that I could go back home on his boat at any time. I knew I couldn’t really leave—there was too much work to be done at Yūgen, but it would still be nice to see Carso. Maybe he had news from home.

Only Carso wasn’t there. “Hello?” I called. I was certain it was his boat.

“Interested?” a girl’s voice asked. I turned as Carso’s sister, Dilada, approached. “Oh,” she said, surprised. “Nedra. I didn’t recognize you.”

“Where’s Carso?” I asked. I’d thought Dilada was going back to her family’s farm after her job in the forest.

Grey moved beside me. I knew I should introduce him, but I was more focused on Carso’s absence.

Dilada nodded toward the bay. “Remember when I went to the forest?” she asked. “I helped clear the trees. D’you know what it was for?”

I shook my head.

“Pauper’s grave.” Her eyes grew distant. “The whole field.”

“Dilada,” I said, sorrow sinking in my belly like a stone thrown in the water. “Where is Carso?”

She stared in the direction of the forest. “Sold the farm. Selling the boat.”

For the first time, I noticed which dock we were standing on. A small section specifically for people to line up their boats in the hope of a quick sale.

“I’ve got another job lined up,” she added. “Berrywine’s factory. Furniture making.”

I tasted bitterness on my tongue. This was exactly the fate Carso hadn’t wanted for his sister. But what were her other options? She was about my age. What would I do if my entire family died and I had nothing left but my wits? Factory jobs were hard, but they came with a bed to sleep in and two meals a day. It was something, at least.

“How did he . . . ?” I started.

Dilada looked at the ground. “Blackness in his feet first,” she said. “He hid it from me for a while, till he couldn’t walk. We paid an alchemist to take away some of his pain.” A corner of her mouth lifted up. “There was that at least.”

The Wasting Death. The same disease that had taken Dilada’s parents.

Worry twisted up inside me. Dilada’s village wasn’t that far from my family’s. And Papa traveled through it, selling his books.

“Are you looking to go back to your village?” Dilada asked me. “I can take you, if you need to go now.”

Grey stiffened beside me, but didn’t speak. I wondered—if I decided to leave, would he ask me to stay?

“No,” I said. “I can’t. I have work to do here.”

The words gave me courage I didn’t know I had. This was why I’d come to Northface Harbor, to Yūgen. This was why I spent my days in the library and the labs, my nights working with Master Ostrum. I wanted to go home—I wanted it so much that it hurt—but I was useless in the north. Here, maybe I could help find a cure.



* * *



? ? ?

“Go away.” Master Ostrum didn’t even look up at me as he pointed to the door.

“There’s still work to do,” I protested.

“Not today.”

I ignored him and tried to maneuver around the desk to the small door behind it. But Master Ostrum shifted his chair, blocking the entry to the laboratory.

“Nedra,” he said, his voice kinder this time. “You just did some excellent alchemical work. I’d debate on whether or not it was needed, given the girl’s condition, but nevertheless, you transferred her pain away. Not many fully trained alchemists could handle that.”

“Are you saying the amputations in the quarantine hospital are done without any kind of pain reduction for the patient?” I asked, horrified.