Garden of Serpents (The Demon Queen Trials #3)(28)

I was holding my breath as I waited for her reply, until her expression shifted again. Becoming more guarded.

“I can tell you want to say something, and you’re holding back,” I said.

“How can you tell that?”

“Your nostrils flare when you’re frustrated.”

“I can’t tell if you’re saying all the right things to try to get me to let down my guard, or if you’re genuine. But assuming you’re being real here…Orion, did you try to make me hate you on purpose? Because you wanted to beat me to the punch before I realized what you were like?”

The accuracy of her words was like a fist to my throat, and all I could do was swallow hard.

She bit her lip. “Because you do love to tell strangers that you’re terrible as soon as you meet them. It’s like you’re constantly trying to warn people.”

My chest tightened. She really could see right through every one of my defenses, and it left me feeling confused, completely without my armor. “I don’t have a lot of experience with people.”

She gave me a sad smile. “I think you’re crushed by the guilt of what happened to you. I still have hope for you. But I’m still going to kick your ass in the trial and become your queen.” She arched an imperious eyebrow. “Then we’ll figure out how to fix you.”

“We’ll see about that, love,” I said, almost to myself.

And maybe—now—it was here before me. The light in the darkness, the new plan.

At some point, I would take the greatest risk of my life: finding out if she still cared for me when she really knew me.

But I was getting ahead of myself. I wouldn’t play too much with the dangerous fire of hope, or I risked letting my last shreds of sanity go up in flames. Letting myself hope that Rowan could love me when she knew what I’d done—that was just about the scariest thing I could imagine. If she truly cared about me, then maybe I was meant for something other than avenging the dead. Maybe I had actual fucking worth.

My heart was about to beat right out of my chest with fear.

“I’ll see you in the morning, Rowan.” I brushed my fingertips over my lips as I crossed back to my room, still replaying the memory of that mind-blowing kiss. I knew I’d be thinking of it until the sun rose over the sea at dawn.

Maybe that last little thread of sanity had already gone up in smoke.





16





ROWAN





Eight days until the trial.

Last night’s conversation had left me so deeply confused that instead of sleeping, I’d simply replayed his words over and over in my mind.

And not just the conversation, of course. That kiss. The way he’d kissed me had been as intense and hot as fucking, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Something had changed in the way he kissed me—a sort of reverence that wasn’t there before.

In the morning, I’d woken early, sneaking out past a sleeping Orion. On my way out, I’d stolen a glance at his muscular back, and I’d briefly met his sweet friend. Amon had sent me off with coffee and scones. I peered out the door cautiously before leaving, surveying the square for any errant assassins. I found nothing amiss, but I kept scanning the streets as I walked.

As long as I was around Orion, I risked getting so distracted that I’d fail the trial. And the depressing truth was, I was still struggling to push him to the back of my mind.

What are you so afraid of?

You.

I sipped my coffee and replayed it for the millionth time. Was he trying to tell me that he was scared I would reject him? That I’d break his heart?

Someone—Mortana, I supposed—had well and truly convinced him that hope was the most dangerous thing of all.

Unless…

Unless, of course, that was all an act.

I blew out a long breath, trying to center myself by focusing on the world around me. My gaze skimmed over the flowers gently blowing in the salty breeze—pink peonies, violet foxglove, lavender…

As I walked through the garden, a fountain burbled gently. I breathed in the humid scent of wildflowers, and my mind cleared at last. Sunlight warmed my cheeks. Another sip of coffee sent a jolt of caffeinated life into my veins.

I pulled my phone from my pocket, relieved to see a text from Kas. Our magical lessons were beginning soon. I really had lucked out with teachers who were so willing to help me.

I crossed the bridge toward the forest, glancing at the sun sparkling off the river. As I approached the wilderness, the humid scent of moss and soil filled my nostrils.

I found Kas and Legion in the oak grove.

Legion stood with a large spell book in his hands, while Kas sat on the mossy forest floor, leaning against a tree trunk. He wore a crown of ivy and blue primroses that rested—crooked—over his delightfully messy blond hair.

I smiled at him. “Looking regal.”

His cheeks dimpled when he smiled. “Not all of us are born royal. Some of us have to make the crowns ourselves from Mother Nature.”

“Where is Shai?” I asked.

“Uh…” Legion’s gaze moved from me to the spell book. His hair was pulled back, but a few strands of black caught in the breeze. “She’s on her way.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Everything okay, Legion?”