Gameboard of the Gods (Age of X, #1)(118)

She’d let him inside, hoping the gesture might allow a civilized conversation, though she should’ve known better. His accusations always varied, and that day he’d decided she must have refused his proposal because she was cheating on him.

“Who are you f*cking?” he’d yelled. “Who are you f*cking?”

No protest of hers could’ve gotten through to him, and her silence infuriated him. In fact, his reaction had been similar to Kavi’s at the funeral. Once again, she became a Nordic bitch, a heartless one who was incapable of any real feelings.

Porfirio, however, had had no shortage of emotions as his rant continued. “What does it take? What does it take for you to feel anything?”

And that was when the familiar refrain had ended. Mae’s reflexes and instincts had failed because she’d never dreamed that Porfirio, even in the throes of his grief and rage, would attack. He’d thrown her to the floor, pinning her wrists and holding her down with his greater weight. The screaming stopped, and the sudden lowering of his voice was actually more menacing. “You will feel something,” he’d told her. “You’re still mine, and I will make you feel.”

Mae had felt something. Fear. She’d never given rape a second thought in her life until that moment. Her status had kept her too sheltered on the Nordic grant, and a few fights after joining the military had caused both men and women to tread lightly around her. She’d lived confidently with her own skills and strength. But there on the floor, Porfirio’s were superior. Maybe in a canne match, her speed would’ve compensated. Her implant provided extra strength, but his did the same for him. Ultimately, his natural edge in strength had dominated.

Pr?torians joked about ripping each other’s clothes off, but Mae had never had it literally happen. It had occurred to her that there’d probably be no repercussions either. The fast and furious nature of pr?torian sex danced on such a dangerous line that it’d be hard to differentiate between that and rape. It was entirely possible that she’d be accused of using makeup sex as some sort of revenge. As he struggled to get his own pants off while still restraining her, she saw none of the amped-up desire that usually characterized pr?torian men. Sure, there was lust, but it wasn’t born of affection or even friendly attraction. There was rage in it, a need to punish and possess.

She’d used every weapon she had to fight what he wanted to do—kicking, clawing, screaming. It shouldn’t have worked. It shouldn’t have. Even now she believed that. But somehow, she’d managed a burst of strength that threw him off enough for her to crawl toward her coffee table. He’d caught hold of her leg, but not before she grabbed her gun.

Even while churning with chemicals, Porfirio wasn’t so far gone that he would foolishly challenge that. He’d scrambled back as she stood up and screamed at him to leave. He’d tried to stammer out something that sounded more like an excuse than an apology as he fumbled with his pants. Mae wouldn’t listen to any of it and had advanced on him with enough confidence that he’d finally taken off. She’d never seen him again.

She’d never told anyone what happened, though Val and Dag had noticed the bruises on her wrists. They probably hadn’t believed the story she’d given them, but they had no way to argue against it. If they’d had proof of what he’d tried to do, Porfirio wouldn’t have lived long enough to die in an explosion.

As she stood there in Kavi’s room, holding on to that strained smile, Mae had a startling revelation. She’d never focused too much on what she’d been thinking during the attack, mostly because there hadn’t been a lot of coherent thought. She’d been all instinct and reaction, her only goal being escape. But now, she realized there had been more than just fear and the need to fight back.

With brilliant clarity, she now remembered another set of feelings that she’d buried with everything else. Outrage. Indignation. Even a sense of sacrilege. Who was he to think he could force her into submission? She was no man’s possession. Her body was a gift she bestowed on those who earned her desire. It could not be taken.

Maybe those weren’t such weird sentiments. Not wanting to be possessed was certainly a valid response. But there had been something more to her haughty reaction, a sense that she was glorious and sacred, making his attempted violation that much more shocking. At the time, she hadn’t recognized it as anything more than out-of-control emotions. She’d always assumed that burst of strength came from her implant’s response to fear being greater than his implant’s response to rage.

But no. She knew now that she’d thrown him off her because of that dark otherness that kept seizing her. That same powerful presence had fueled her thoughts of holiness and profanity. And thinking back to his terrified face as he’d backed away, she wasn’t sure if he’d been afraid of the gun or the divine power that had surrounded her. Had he seen what Justin claimed was with her in moments of action and violence? A deity trying to possess her? It was absurd.

To Kavi, Mae simply said, “I should go.”

Kavi nodded, still with that dreamy smile. “Of course. I hope you’ll visit again. I’d like for us to be friends. I’m sure Porfirio would’ve wanted that.”

“Yes,” murmured Mae, turning toward the door. “I’m sure he would have.”





[page]CHAPTER 26