Game On: Tempting Twenty-Eight (Stephanie Plum #28)(18)

Bags were the least of it. Lula had hair that was straight out of a horror movie. It was like her head had exploded but her hair was still attached to her skull. She was wearing an orange tank top, camouflage sweatpants, and two different-colored spike-heeled pumps.

“Your heels don’t match,” I said.

“Say what?”

“You’re wearing two different shoes. One of them is neutral and the other is black.”

Lula looked down at her feet. “Damn.”

“Where’s Melvin now?” I asked.

“He’s in my car. You gotta take him back. He isn’t even a good time, if you know what I mean. He takes geek to a whole new level.”

I looked over at Connie.

“Don’t even think about it,” Connie said. “Bad enough I have to live with my mother.”

“What are we doing today besides eating doughnuts?” Lula asked.

“I thought we would track down the duck roaster,” I said. I pulled his file out of my messenger bag. “Andy Smutter. Age fifty-six. Homeless. Hangs out at Victory Park.”

“That’s by the college,” Lula said. “It’s a nice park. They got a jogging trail that goes through some woods. I tried it once.”

“Only once?” Connie asked.

“I couldn’t get into the whole pointless running thing,” Lula said. “There should be something at the end of the run… like a deli or a shoe sale, you see what I’m saying? I bet if someone put up a running route that led to barbecue ribs it would be a big hit.”

I put the file back in my bag. “Your car or mine?” I asked Lula.

“I’m not putting no homeless duck roaster in my baby. I just had her detailed. It would be better to take your car,” Lula said. “Only thing is I’m not leaving Melvin in my car. He’s gonna have to get transferred to someone else’s car. Like, maybe yours. And I’m thinking he should ride in the trunk, so I don’t have to listen to him.”

“I have a hatchback,” I said. “I don’t have a trunk.”

“So put him in your hatchback and turn the radio up,” Lula said. “You got a radio, right?”

“Right.”

Here’s the thing, all the key tapping and clicking was to my benefit. Melvin was in overdrive working to find Oswald. I didn’t want to live with Melvin, but I also couldn’t just kick him to the curb.

A half hour later we were at the park.

“The pond is down the path,” Lula said, getting out of the Focus. “There’s usually not a lot of people there on account of the goose poop. You gotta be careful where you walk.”

“I thought this was just a duck pond,” I said.

“Nope,” Lula said. “There’s a bunch of nasty geese here, too.”

Melvin was in the backseat with his computer, oblivious to what was going on around him.

“Hey, Melvin,” I said. “You need to come with us. I don’t want to leave you alone here in the parking lot.”

He closed his computer and looked around. “What’s going on?”

“We’re looking for someone who missed his court appearance. He has to reschedule.”

“And he’s in the park?”

“He’s homeless. He spends a lot of time here.”

We walked down the path, reached the pond, and stopped to look around. There were a couple of geese in the water and several more waddling around on land. The ducks were on the far side of the pond. It was a nice Saturday and there were people in other parts of the park, but there weren’t any people by the duck pond.

We followed the path around the pond and found Andy sitting in a camp chair, reading a book.

“Andy Smutter?” I asked.

“Yep,” he said. “That’s me.”

“I represent Vincent Plum Bail Bonds. You missed your court date. We need to get you rescheduled.”

“Sure,” he said. “You go ahead and do that.”

Melvin looked down at Andy. “You’re reading Hemingway.”

“He’s a hoot,” Andy said. “I’ve read everything he’s written about a hundred times.”

“Me, too!” Melvin said. “What’s your favorite?”

“It depends on my mood. I’m reading The Sun Also Rises today because I woke up wanting to be vicariously decadent.”

“I hear you,” Melvin said. “You have a nice spot here by the pond.”

“My pied-à-terre is a short distance away,” Andy said. “I find it gets too damp by the pond at night.”

“I used to live in a loft,” Melvin said, “but it got too dangerous to stay there.”

“Goodness,” Andy said. “What sort of danger?”

“Someone might want to kill me.”

“That’s very dramatic,” Andy said. “Hemingway would drink to it.”

“Hemingway wasn’t afraid of anything,” Melvin said. “Although he had his demons.”

“It made him even more interesting, don’t you think?”

“Absolutely,” Melvin said.

“Of course, he also had several concussions that might have affected his mental condition.”