Fueled (Driven, #2)(105)

A diminutive smile curls up the corner of his mouth as he breaks his gaze from mine to continue. And that little smile, that little show of arrogance that proves he now knows he still affects me, both pisses me off and overwhelms me. Or is he trying to tell me that I’m the one who matters to him? I’m so confused. I don’t know what to think anymore.

The one thing I am sure of is that I refuse to be that girl. The girl that we all look at and think is stupid because she continually goes back to the guy that is always doing wrong by her―screwing around behind her back, leading her on, telling her one thing while doing the other. I have a backbone, and as much as I want Colton—as much as I do love Colton—I value the things I have to offer someone too much to let him or any guy trample me and my self-esteem. I just have to keep telling myself this as his voice seduces my ears, trying to draw me back in and strengthening his hold over me like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

“And such a phone call came in yesterday to my office. And by no means are we done with our fundraising efforts, but with that unexpected phone call, I am pleased to announce that in addition to the funds already pledged by CD Enterprises, another two million dollars has been confirmed in donations for the completion of your project.”

A collective gasp echoes through the room with Colton’s declaration. Voices buzz with excitement and the knowledge that our project is now fully funded, that all of our hard will work come to fruition.

I hang my head down amidst the commotion and squeeze my eyes shut as the roller coaster soars me up and then yanks me back down. I can’t even begin to process the gamut of emotions coursing through me. On one hand, all of my efforts on behalf of my boys will pay off in a monumental way. More kids will benefit from the program and have the chance to become positive contributors to society. On the other hand, Colton is the one handing me this victory. Talk about irony. I’m being handed everything I’ve dreamed of on a professional level by the one person that I want more than anything in the whole world, but can’t have on a personal level.

As much as I fight the emotions, they are just too much to bear. I’m overwhelmed. The flip-flopping between hurt and anger and misery has exhausted me. A tear slips down my cheek, and I hastily dash it away with the back of my hand as my shoulders tremble from the threat of so many more. The pain of having Colton just within reach and yet so far away from me is just too much. Everything is too fresh. Too raw.

I’ve lost myself so much to my emotions that I’ve forgotten my surroundings. When I come back to myself, the room is silent. I keep my head down, trying to pull myself together when I hear Teddy’s hushed voice. “It’s meant everything to her. She’s put her heart and soul into this…you can’t fault her for being overwhelmed.”

I hear murmurs of agreement, and I’m relieved that my coworkers have mistaken my visible emotion as elation in respects to the good news on the project rather than as a result of my personal heartache. I force a thready smile onto my lips and look up at the room of people despite the tears pooling in my eyes. I meet Teddy’s gaze, warmth and pride reflected on his face, and I smile sheepishly at him, playing into the charade. Anything to escape from Colton. “If you’ll excuse me, I just need a moment,” I murmur.

“Of course.” He smiles softly as does the rest of the room, assuming correctly that I need to go pull myself together but for all of the wrong reasons.

I rise and calmly walk to the door, leaving a wide berth to where Colton stands, and exit the room. I can hear Teddy’s voice congratulating everyone and declaring the meeting over seeing as there is no need to brainstorm how to secure the remainder of the funding anymore. My pace quickens as the distance increases from the conference room. I hold up my hand to Stella, effectively dismissing her, as she calls out my name. I make it to my office and shut the door in the nick of time before the first sob tears from my throat.

I let them roll through me as I lean against the wall opposing the door. I’ve tried to be so strong and hold them in for so many days, but I can’t anymore. I’m disappointed in myself for still caring about him. Upset that I still want him to think about me. Pissed that he can affect me in so many ways. That he still makes my heart swell for him while my head acknowledges that he turned to Tawny when things between us went beyond the mandated Colton dating stipulations.

I ignore the gentle knock on the door, not wanting anyone to see me in such a wrecked state. The person persists and I try to rub away the tears from my cheeks knowing it’s useless. There is no way I can hide my crying jag. I snap my head up as the door opens and Colton slides inside, shutting it behind him and leaning against it.

I’m staggered by his presence in my office. He dominates the small space. It’s one thing to try and get over him when he’s not tangible, but when he is right in front of me—when I can touch him with my fingertips—it’s that much more unbearable. Our eyes lock onto each other’s and my mind whirls with so many things I want to say and so many things I fear to ask. The silence is so loud between us it’s deafening. Colton’s eyes are saying so much to me, asking so much of me, but I’m unable to respond.

He pushes off the door and takes a step toward me. “Rylee…” My name is a plea on his lips.

“No!” I tell him, my quiet yet useless defense against him. “No,” I say again with more resolve as he takes another step. “Don’t do this here, Colton. Please.”