From the Jump(86)

“How can you say that? Apparently, I don’t know anything about you. You have a whole secret life where you’re rich and famous. And sleeping with my best friend.” Her voice wavers in question at the end, making me flinch.

Immediately, I understand how bad it is that I haven’t told her. It’s not the breaking of the pact that will hurt her. It’s that she’s shared her feelings about Mac with me, while I’ve chosen to hold mine back from her. I’ve created an imbalance in our friendship. My silence speaks, and it says I might be the person she tells everything to, but she’s not the same for me.

“I wanted to tell you,” I say quickly. “I should’ve. I know that. It’s just so new, and Simone reacted so badly to it. I was scared it would get ruined if we were forced to defend it this early.”

“Defend it?” Mac’s voice cracks with incredulity. “This is awesome! They broke the pact, Phoebes. It’s over. Now we can date.”

“Seriously?” She looks at him in disbelief. “All they’ve done is proven why we needed the pact. Simone has lost her mind and gone Machiavellian on Deiss’s life. Who knows if our child superstar is ever going to forgive her for that. And we haven’t even gotten to the part where Deiss and the Ice Queen split up. Once that happens, we’ll be lucky if any of us ever speak to each other again.”

“That’s . . .” I start my contradiction without thinking it through. I’d sound idiotic insisting that’s not going to happen to us. Especially now, after I failed him so terribly just hours into our relationship.

“I don’t care about them,” Mac says, filling the silence my nondenial has left behind. “They’re stupid.”

“Nice.” For a moment, Deiss’s mouth curls with genuine amusement, making him look like himself again. Just as quickly as it arrived, the smile disappears.

“I mean it.” Some internal determination causes Mac to straighten to his full six feet four. His shoulders square, making him larger than life. “I don’t care if they break up or if they spend the next ten years holed up in Deiss’s bedroom and we never get to see them again. I just want to be with you, babe.”

For the second time tonight, my mouth drops open. Phoebe doesn’t look nearly as shocked, though, and it occurs to me that she’s been keeping secrets of her own. Her feelings aren’t one-sided, which strikes me as a pretty big omission.

“This isn’t about us,” she says. “It’s about Liv and Deiss.”

I look to Deiss, but he doesn’t meet my gaze.

“It’s always about everyone else.” Mac’s eyes sharpen in a way I’ve never seen. It makes him look like a man instead of a giant boy. “And maybe that was my fault at one point. But that was years ago, Phoebe. It’s not where we are anymore. So, you need to figure out if you’re down to move forward with me or if this is where we choose to go our separate ways.”

As if to illustrate his point, Mac steps around her and walks down the aisle of bins and right out the door. It’s almost as shocking as everything he’s said; I don’t think I’ve ever seen him go anywhere alone.

“Are you happy now?” Phoebe breaks the stunned silence, hissing the words. Her eyes are glassy with unshed tears. “Everything is ruined.”

I feel the accusation like a punch in the gut, because she’s not wrong.

For years, I behaved as I was supposed to, and everything was perfectly fine. Now, in merely a few weeks, I’ve ruined everything. I’ve lost my home and forced Deiss to share his safe space. I’ve destroyed my reputation at work and made Mia and Booker uncomfortable by inserting myself into theirs. I’ve blown up our friend group. I’ve even lost my chance to collaborate with Zoe, which never would’ve happened if I hadn’t broken the pact like I’ve broken every other rule.

This plan of mine to live according to my own instincts has been a failure in every possible way. I have to stop. I’m not going to survive it if I don’t. None of us will.

“I’m so sorry.” I can feel the tears coming, but if I can keep them from breaching the surface, I know I can hide my desolation. “To both of you. I’ve betrayed your trust, and I don’t know how to make up for that. But I can start by moving out of the loft.”

Deiss’s face tightens. “Liv—”

“I heard from the manager of Bears in Captivity on Wednesday,” I say, cutting him off. “They’ve hired me to do their graphics, and I didn’t tell you. I didn’t think you’d want me to stay if I had other options. Because we both knew this was never going to last, didn’t we?”

I brace myself for one of his cavalier responses, but to my surprise, it doesn’t come. Instead, his chin tilts back like he’s taken a hit.

“Thank you for everything you’ve done for me,” I say. “It was a fun couple of weeks.” For Phoebe’s benefit, I add, “I’m sure our time together will only make our friendship stronger.”

Using every ounce of willpower I can muster, I stroll out of the shop and into the night.





CHAPTER 26


I spring for a room at an expensive hotel in Santa Monica while I’m looking for a new place to live. It’s a ridiculous decision, considering my accounts still haven’t been restored and my credit is limited to the one card the bank has issued to me, but it’s the kind of place the old Olivia would’ve been comfortable in, with white walls instead of the smorgasbord of colors that made up Deiss’s loft. It has a king-sized bed that I’ll sleep in alone.