From the Desk of Zoe Washington(23)

“During the summer, it’s always the two of us. But when school starts, you go back to Jasmine and Maya, and it’s like I don’t matter to you anymore.”

Wow. Was that really how Trevor felt? I did spend a lot of time with Jasmine and Maya during the school year, since we didn’t see each other during the summer, but that didn’t mean I didn’t care about Trevor. “You still mattered,” I mumbled.

“It didn’t feel like it,” Trevor said.

“Well, what about you?” I asked, remembering why I was out there in the first place. “You’ve been pretending to be my friend this whole time.”

Trevor looked up at me, his face a big question mark. He had no idea what I was talking about.

I took another deep breath. “I heard you guys. Last month.”

“Heard who?”

“You, Sean, and Lincoln. You were here on the porch after school. I was sick, so I stayed home all day. I was in the living room and the window was open, so I could hear everything. You guys couldn’t see me because I was lying on the couch.”

I remembered the huge pile of used tissues that littered the coffee table, and how Butternut stayed near me the whole day, like he knew I was sick and needed a friend. I was in a cold-medicine haze when Trevor’s and the other boys’ voices woke me up. But I heard them loud and clear.

“Zoe Washington lives on the other side of this house, right?” It was Sean’s voice, which I recognized right away since he had a thick Boston accent. When he said my name, it sounded like “Waaah-shington.”

I didn’t dare move from my position on the couch, so they wouldn’t know I was right on the other side of the window from them.

“Yeah,” Trevor said.

“What’s with her?” Sean asked. I couldn’t see his face, but I could picture him scowling.

“What do you mean?” Trevor asked.

“Why’d she have to tell Mr. Peters that I started that fight with Will?” Sean asked. “I didn’t even start it.”

Trevor didn’t say a word.

“Yeah, why’d she have to open her big mouth about it?” Lincoln asked. “Nobody asked her.”

“Exactly,” Sean said. “She thinks she’s better than everyone, but she’s really a loser.”

Then Lincoln asked, “Did you hear what she did in gym class one time? She fell when we were playing basketball. I was there. She tripped over nothing—her own feet. She looked ridiculous. But then later I tripped her on purpose and she fell again.”

“Oh yeah, that was wicked funny!” Sean said.

I heard laughter. There were definitely more than two voices in the mix, and Trevor’s laugh was unmistakable.

My eyes stung with tears, and there was no holding them back.

“It sucks that you have to live right next to her,” Sean said. “It’s gotta be so annoying to hear her whiny voice every day, right?”

“Uh . . .” Trevor paused for a second and I waited for him to say no, and that I was his best friend.

But instead, he said, “Yeah, I guess.” There was a pause, and then he said, “We’re not really friends. We hang out sometimes during the summer, when I have nothing better to do.”

It was a punch to my gut. I got up and ran to my room, burying myself under my covers while I sobbed.

All this time, I thought Trevor was one of my best friends. But I’d been wrong.

I recapped all of this to Trevor, who now stared at me with a pained expression on his face. “I had no idea you heard that,” he said. “I didn’t mean it, any of it. I was mad at you because you were always with Jasmine and Maya. And I didn’t know what to say when those guys asked. But it’s not true.”

“I only told Mr. Peters about the fight because he asked me what I saw,” I said. “I didn’t want to lie to him.”

Trevor nodded.

“Nobody forced you to hang out with me,” I said, my voice cracking. “You didn’t have to do me any favors.”

“I didn’t,” Trevor said. “I like hanging out with you. A lot. The summer is always my favorite. You’re my best friend. I’m really sorry.”

“If that’s true, why would you let those guys say that stuff about me?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” Trevor paused and glanced down at his sneakers. “I wanted to fit in, I guess. It was wrong.”

I wanted to accept his apology and forget it all happened. Get back to our friendship and summer adventures like nothing had changed.

But it was like when you drew something in pencil and then tried to erase it—the pencil lines would mostly go away, but sometimes the indent would still be there, so you could still sort of see what had been erased. That’s how Trevor’s apology felt—like he was trying to erase my pain by saying he was sorry, but he couldn’t make it all disappear.

“Do you believe me?” Trevor swallowed hard.

“I keep remembering what you said.” We’re not really friends. “I need more time to get over it.”

Trevor nodded.

“Guess I’ll see you later.” I got up from the porch steps.

“Later,” Trevor said. His mouth turned up in a small smile.

Maybe the pencil marks couldn’t be erased, but at some point, you could decide to turn to a new page.