From the Ashes (The Elder Blood Chronicles, #3)(36)

An incline in the path sent her against the front of the saddle again and she had to hold her breath to keep from heaving her stomach’s contents over the side of the horse. Closing her eyes, she took several short breaths, and had to fight to keep from bursting into tears. What the hell am I doing here? How am I supposed to win Finn back when I can’t even ride a damned horse at a slow walk? At this rate, the most I will be able to do to Death is vomit on her. She exhaled slowly, her breath coming in shaky bursts, and tried to compose herself once more.

Fiona was still walking silently ahead and showed no indication that she had witnessed any of Jala’s distress. For that minor miracle, Jala found herself overwhelmingly grateful. The dead woman was full of scathing remarks and would have no doubt had one at the ready had she noticed Jala’s eyes growing glassy.

Jala let out another slow breath and felt herself growing more steady as the horse slowed to a stop. Glancing over her shoulder she looked at Valor in question. Fiona had shown no indication that anything was wrong and the expression on Valor’s face seemed calm enough.

“I’m going to walk.” Valor whispered.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s your horse. If anyone should walk, it’s me.” Jala snapped, and instantly regretted her tone. It wasn’t fair to take her misery out on Valor and she knew it. “I’m sorry. It’s just, well I’m wickedly over-emotional today, I suppose,” she sighed, and felt the tears welling again as she let out a shaky sob or laugh, she wasn’t really sure which it was.

“I’ll walk,” Valor said cautiously and started to swing down from the horse.

“Bullshit,” Jala snapped and kicked Valorous hard in the ribs sending the horse into a trot. Valor shifted quickly behind her, taking the reins up once more and slowing the speed, but not before her stomach had managed at least three flips toward her throat. “Oh, why did I do that?” she moaned softly and bent forward over the saddle resting her forehead against Valorous’s thick mane.

“Because you are stubborn and insane right now,” Valor replied with a sigh.

“Insane?” Jala snapped, whirling her head to look at him once more all tears forgotten.

“Oh, for the love of the Aspects. You were calling yourself insane not too long ago. My sister was the same way when she was pregnant. Mood swings, sickness, strange food cravings, pain in the back and legs. Honestly I don’t why anyone calls pregnancy beautiful. From what I’ve seen, it turns perfectly sane women into vomiting tortured loonies with a penchant for eating things that normally aren’t edible,” Valor said softly in an exasperated tone that somehow still held sympathy. Shifting the reins to where they were resting on the front of the saddle he leaned back away from her and began to undo the buckles on his gauntlet and bracer.

“I’m sorry. I know this must be difficult for you.” Jala sniffed and let out another shaky breath. “What are you doing?” she asked as he placed the pieces of armor into his saddle bag.

“Hush loony, and try to focus on something pleasant for a bit. I know it’s rather difficult given where we are, why we are here, and what we are going to do, but try it anyway. It’s called mind over matter. Think positive, focus on things like I will not vomit on Valor; he is filthy enough,” Valor said with a sigh and took the reins up once again in the hand that still bore armor. Moving the other hand carefully he placed it between her stomach and the hard leather of the saddle. “At least you won’t be bumping him this way. I’d hate to see Finn’s firstborn come into this world with a dented head.”

“I’m so sorry, Valor,” Jala said softly, her head bowed forward once more. She felt the first of the tears trace a path down her face and squeezed her eyes shut tightly as if she could trap the rest before they fell.

“Do you remember what I said about this place feeding despair into you, Jala? It’s hitting you double because of your heightened emotions. You have nothing to apologize to me for. You have done nothing wrong,” Valor assured her.

“How can you constantly stay so calm?” Jala asked through sniffles, glancing back at him through blurry eyes.

“I try to keep a constant picture in my mind of Finn back and you smiling again. When that image starts to blur in my thoughts, I ask myself would I rather tell your son stories about his father or watch his father tell him stories. For that, all the gloom, darkness, and pain is a trivial cost,” Valor answered, as he carefully steered the horse around another incline.

“Do you two even have the faintest clue what stealth is?” Fiona hissed from ahead of them. The fury on the dead woman’s face was enough to silence Jala of words and sniffles. Fiona had warned them that morning that they were drawing close to Trystan’s domain and stealth would be essential once they were there.

“Are we in Veyetta’s domain then?” Valor asked softly.

“Not yet but by afternoon we will be,” Fiona replied, her eyes scanning the area behind them.

“Then bugger off, Fiona, she is having a rough day. When we must be silent we will be. Do remember however that while you have existed for centuries in silence, we have not, and the living still find comfort in the spoken word,” Valor said in a louder voice, though not loud enough to carry far.

“It’s OK, Valor. I can go back to silence now. I’m starting to feel a bit more rational,” Jala assured him, her voice barely a whisper.