Friends Like These(43)

“Nonjudgmental is good,” I’d said that evening on Frank’s deck, and I’d meant it.

“That’s what I like about you,” he’d said. “People in all those other fucking galleries treat us like garbage. All of them except you. That was a big deal to Griselda. Hope it goes without saying: you ever need anything, you let me know.”

No rational person would have taken Frank Gardello up on this offer. But I’d been flying pretty high that night on Frank’s porch, expensive Scotch on my tongue, the sinking sun setting the sky aflame. And everything had felt like a sign.

“Well,” I’d said, “there is one thing.”

Eighty thousand dollars— enough to pay back the Serpentine Gallery and get Finch’s show up and running. Of course, one thing had led to another, and pretty soon the $80,000 had disappeared, some out the door to keep the lights on, and then there was Jace, who’d been fronting me for months. I couldn’t have him cutting me off for good.

For a while, I even thought— after one glass of Scotch and one painting on his wall— that Frank and I were close enough that he might overlook the debt. That’s what too much Oxy will do— make you believe fucked-up shit that’ll get you killed.

One day late on my first payment, and Frank had already passed me off to his people, the ones texting me now. People for whom I was nothing more than a job that needed to get done.

“This house is so fancy,” Crystal said to me once we were inside Jonathan’s, spinning around the living room, grinning. I felt sad for her. And also for me. “But cozy, too.”

“It is,” I said, trying to smile. I couldn’t really.

Crystal was in worse shape than I’d noticed in the dim bar. Her skin had a grayish tinge, and her bare legs were covered with small bruises. Like an overripe banana rocketing toward rotten. She smiled back at me warmly, though, as she moved on to chat with Stephanie. You could see in Crystal’s smile the girl she used to be. I wondered whether, if you looked hard enough, you could still see me.

Stephanie smiled at Crystal stiffly, then shot a look my way. Stephanie wasn’t nearly as polite as Maeve, especially when she was pissed. And she was pretty obviously pissed at me. What the hell was I— wait, was I actually surprised that I’d brought some random girl home to Jonathan’s house during his bachelor party so that I could use with her? After everything else I’d done, this was the surprising thing?

“Hello?” Jonathan snapped his fingers close to my face. “Keith, are you in there? Who is she?”

“Oh, sorry,” I said, looking around Jonathan’s living room, wondering how long he’d been standing there. But nothing else came— no answers for Jonathan. Inside my mind there was just a screaming blank. So I said the only thing I could think of, my go-to answer for everything: “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

God, I was so fucking sick of being sorry.

Crystal danced into the room then, gone and back from wherever she’d been— she had a bag of chips in one hand, a beer in the other, red baseball hat on.

Jonathan was staring at her. “Wait, where did you get that hat?”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Crystal said, taking it off her head and holding it out to him. “I was just messing around. It was in your kitchen.”

“An Ace Construction hat was in my kitchen?” Jonathan asked, stepping closer but not reaching out for it. “Where?”

“Right on the counter,” Crystal said nervously. “I’m sorry. You want to wear it?”

“No, no,” Jonathan said, forcing a smile. “That’s okay— I just didn’t see it in there before.”

I looked across the room to Finch. He was on the couch now, eyes black and bottomless as he stared at me. I felt an uncomfortable twitch in my spine. Why was Finch looking at me like he wanted me dead?

“Truth or dare!” he called out suddenly, eyes still locked on mine.

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” Jonathan said immediately. “Collective hard pass.”

“Oh, wow,” Maeve said. “I’m sorry, but that does sound very unwise.”

“Idiotic,” Derrick added, already headed for the staircase. “I think we should all go to bed.”

“On the other hand,” Stephanie called after Derrick, “a game would at least keep everyone down here and, you know, otherwise occupied.”

She was talking about me— I did have occasional moments of clarity. And Stephanie was right that Crystal and I couldn’t get down to using until we were alone.

“I think a game sounds fun,” Crystal said, taking a sip of her beer as she sat down on the couch opposite Keith.

Jonathan closed his eyes and dropped his head. “Right, occupied.”

Maeve’s eyes got wide. “Okay, right, let’s do it.”

“So that’s a yes from Keith and Stephanie and Maeve,” Finch called.

“That wasn’t a yes from me,” I said.

“You don’t have to actually say yes, Keith,” Finch said, looking at me again with those black eyes. “Your answer is always yes where I’m concerned. Derrick, I know you’re in, too. Because you’d never let me down, right?”

Derrick’s shoulders sagged as he shook his head and backed away from the stairs.