Frankly in Love (Frankly in Love, #1)(86)

—Maybe. I want to. Miles says I should.

—You could meet Mom-n-Dad at The Store or like someplace neutral.

—You know what I hate, Frankerchief?

—What.

—I hate that I miss home. And Mom-n-Dad too. I fucking hate that I feel that.

—So just come the fuck home, then.

—It’s way more simplicated than that.

—I miss you. Does that help unsimplicate things?

—But you don’t know. You’re still in the high school bubble. Out here, love strikes whenever it wants.

—Love chooses you.

—What?

—Hanna, just come home, say your piece, and let Mom-n-Dad deal with it, the sooner the better so they have more time to get over their brainlock before—you know—before— —I’m just saying it’s extremely, extremely simplicated is all.

—Tell me about it. Me and Joy have to lie low.

—How come?

—There’s enough tension between the parents already.

—Right, right.

—Kinda sucks the fun out of things.

—I wish this whole shitty world were different.

—This sounds weird, but sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on Mom-n-Dad by sneaking around with Joy. Does that make sense?

—Unfortunately, yes.

—You gonna make it home before I head up to college?

—I’ll try. I don’t know. Just gotta work up to it.

—Okay.

—Okay.

—Do you guys have any baby names picked out?

—Shit, my T’s here. Probably gonna lose you.

—What’s a T?

—My train. I love you, Frankie.

—Hello?

—

—Hanna?

—

—





chapter 31


oobleck




When we were little, we used to make oobleck.

You know oobleck: one part water, two parts cornstarch, green coloring for flair. This mixture creates a substance known as a non-Newtonian fluid. It’s named after a substance in a children’s book by Dr. Seuss. The Oobleck is a big ball of ruinous, sticky goo that arrives and almost destroys everything after a king, bored with his too-perfect realm, fervently wishes for something—anything—new.

It’s a careful-what-you-wish-for story.

It’s also an appreciate-what-you-have-before-it-turns-into-what-you-had story.

Isaac Newton was a groundbreaking scientist from the seventeenth century. But he was also super into the occult, and wrote a lot about creationism and how there must be some way to turn lead into gold.

Dr. Seuss was a groundbreaking children’s book author beloved for his antifascist humanism. But in his early career, he drew a lot of racist cartoons depicting black people as savages and mocking Japanese-American internment victims. He was full of remorse for this earlier version of himself for his entire life.

Nothing is just any one single thing. In fact, what starts out as one thing can turn out to be something completely different.

If you press hard on oobleck, it feels like a solid. Same if you strike it. You can even run across a big trough of oobleck, if for some reason you (a) have a big trough lying around and (b) enough oobleck to fill it.

But here’s the weird thing about oobleck: if you gently pass your fingertips through, it yields just like liquid.

SO . . .

If walls of oobleck block your way,

don’t punch and slap and kick all day.

Just hold your breath and close your eyes

and simply ease yourself inside.

Walk slowly through the dark, don’t fear

For someday you’ll be far from here.



* * *



? ? ?

Dad’s getting worse.

I always wondered what his last day at The Store would be like, but that day just came and went before I even really noticed. One minute he was sitting on his still-new stool at the cash register, and the next minute he got the spins so bad he had to lie down right on the floor.

At the emergency room it was determined that his white blood cell count was dangerously low from the chemo. This means his immune system is extremely weak. This means he can no longer work or be among people.

This is the trade-off. Chemo means Dad will live longer. But it also means he lives worse.

I guess it’s good that Palomino High School has been brought to a standstill because of widespread inflammation of the senior, because it frees me up to do things like help Mom shuttle Dad back and forth from the hospital, help train Luis (the ex-con once jailed for a carjacking gone wrong) as a store assistant, and just sit with Dad at home, to build whatever jeong we can while we still can.

I sneak a selfie with Dad while he’s asleep—he’s asleep a lot—and send it to Hanna. Hanna starts to respond but never does.

I spend a lot of time at The Store with Luis while Mom mans the register. I like Luis. We put on our hoodies and move shit around in the walk-in cooler. He’s openly remorseful about his mistake, and loathes himself for carjacking someone just to get approval from his gang friends. Like most human beings he was desperate for validation. Now he gets daily validation by the armload from his wife and baby. He prays before every meal, at the end of every day, and every time he gets behind the wheel of his car to go home, for forgiveness.