Fractured Freedom(69)
7. Find heaven (you with me)
Love sneaks up and snatches a heart from its owner so fast they don’t seem to know it’s gone for days, weeks, sometimes months. I think Dante had my heart all along. Even when I tried to protect it from the disaster that could happen between us, I never really had a chance.
The wolf gets what he wants, and I was just the lamb, too overpowered by who he was to do anything else.
He came back to the room not much later with all my favorite foods, dressed in sweats and a T-shirt like he didn’t have anywhere else to be.
“A new list?” I held it up, a small smile on my face.
“Sure. You needed some help.” He shrugged, completely unfazed. The man didn’t embarrass easily, didn’t think he overstepped, and definitely didn’t question himself.
I loved it all.
“I have a whole phone full of ideas to help me. I even bought a book to read on it.”
“Should we read it together?” He handed a quesito over to me, and a smirk teased my lips at the way he catered to me.
“No, Dante. I have to go to work, and I have to do these things on my own.” I sighed around the food as I took a bite. The flakiness of the pastry rivaled some of the best things in the world.
“Without sharing the experience, the joy is lost,” he murmured.
“Who told you that?”
“Just a switch up of the Into the Wild story.”
“What was that story?”
“He went searching for meaning in the wild and found that ‘happiness is only real when shared.’”
Dante sat next to me and took a big bite out of his own quesito while we mulled over the quote. I wiped my mouth as I stared at his, hypnotized by how his lips wrapped around each piece of food.
“Maybe I’m being selfish with my happiness, and you should come along for some.”
“Maybe.” He nodded, but he didn’t push me.
“Well, I want to see bioluminescent water. Have you heard of it? The water lights up this magnificent blue.”
“Blue?”
“Yes, but you have to ferry out to a small island. Oh, and there’s a sculpture that my book said I have to visit before I’m done here.”
He grabbed the list from where it was lying on the bed and started to scribble notes. Then he pocketed it.
“You’re keeping the list you made me?”
“I made the list for us.”
My heart fluttered at just that one word, and I bit my lip, glancing away from him and trying my best not to feel more than I already did for my childhood crush.
“When do you plan to be done here, Lamb?”
“With my food?”
“No.” He chuckled. “With your trip. With Puerto Rico.”
I hesitated with my answer, knowing exactly when my contract with the hospital ended but not at all sure if I would be ready to go home by then. “My contract was for three months.”
“That wasn’t my question.” He popped the rest of the pastry into his mouth and wiped his hands on his sweats before rising to stand right over me. Then he placed both hands on either side of my hips on the bed. “When do you plan to settle down, Lilah? When does my lamb turn into a sheep?”
I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t think I ever want to be a sheep.”
He hummed and dragged his nose across my neck. “You ever want to settle? To be happy with the good girl you are?”
I bit my lip as he nipped at my collarbone. “I don’t know. I feel different here. Happy.” I took a deep breath. “I’m scared to go back to feeling … not that. And I’m scared my happiness might be tied to you.”
“Why are you so scared you need me, Lamb?” He cupped my cheeks. “Why not share your happiness with me?”
“I don’t want my happiness to depend on you.” I took a shaky breath, and his lips descended on mine. He coaxed me to open up to him. Then he took my love, happiness, and desire for him. I knew he tasted it all—I felt the smile on his lips like he had me.
And he did.
He had all of me, and my heart beat fast with the idea that he could continue to massage and nurture and cater to all my needs.
Except, if happiness only existed when it was shared, what happened when the person you shared it with had to go? What happened if you couldn’t give them what they wanted? Or if you couldn’t make what you wanted together?
Would our families accept this? Would I be able to accept this between us, knowing that we’d lost the one thing a family was supposed to make? For some reason, my body didn’t carry a child of ours well. He could have that with someone else. He could have a totally uncomplicated relationship with a stranger, one outside of our families, one where my brothers wouldn’t grill him, where my mother wouldn’t insist on grandkids, where my sister wasn’t his colleague.
I pulled away. “I need to get ready for work.”
His jade eyes squinted at me, trying to cut through the wall he could probably see me building. His jaw worked before he pushed away and nodded. “I need to work too.”
“What exactly do you work on?” I sat forward in the bed and winced from the ravaging of the night before.
“You’re sore,” he murmured, immediately back in my face, staring me down, running his gaze slowly over me. He sat next to me on the bed, his big hands searching my hips and stomach and all parts of my skin for marks. When he came across a reddened mark, I saw the way his jaw worked. “I’m proud and appalled at the same time, Lamb.”