Fractured Freedom(32)
When he met my gaze, his was hard, cold, and unrelenting. “I seem to remember you getting a pretty damn good Christmas present, but that’s about all.”
“Wow.” My jaw dropped. “If you wanted an explanation so bad, maybe you should have stayed. You were gone after Christmas Eve. Then my brothers said you left the bar with a woman.” I poked him in the shoulder and then sat up, furious at myself for letting my hurt show.
“Lilah, you didn’t ask me to stay. You specifically said we were better off as friends. So I found someone who wanted to be more than that. You didn’t, right?”
I chewed on my cheek so I didn’t let my jealousy unfurl. “I didn’t.” I threw the words out fast. I couldn’t let him know that I still thought about his hands on my skin or how his eyes traveled up and down my body with a heat I’d never experienced since. I got off the bed fast, knowing that if I checked my panties right then and there, they’d be wet. “I don’t want more. I’m just saying it wasn’t as easy as me fluttering off to school where I was having so much fun.”
“Why not?” he pried.
I bit my lower lip and glanced out the window at a different view of Puerto Rico to the one I was used to. It showed the beach and the sun and a life of beauty and freedom. I came here to be free of my obligations back home, to be free of what everybody thought I was—perfect … when I wasn’t.
“Because my life changed.”
“Did I do something wrong?” He sat up and stared at me, really assessed everything about me in that moment.
“You couldn’t do something wrong to me even if you tried,” I whispered, and I felt it through my whole soul.
“So something happened that I don’t know about,” he concluded.
I did the stupid thing and ran my hand through my hair.
“You’re nervous and about to lie.” He pointed to my hand, which I dropped immediately. He sighed, and his jaw ticked. “Don’t bother. Tell me when you’re ready.”
I went to the window and said, “This is much more complicated than it should be. Izzy was only supposed to be here for a few days, Dante, and this is supposed to be the place where I—”
“Eat Pray Love, I know. What’s that mean, exactly?”
“It means I do things for myself. It’s the ultimate self-exploration trip. My therapist …” I hesitated on the word. It felt good to admit I had one, but I knew people often recoiled when they heard it. Dante didn’t flinch or even lift a brow. “My therapist said I should make a list of things I want to do. Not worry about anyone else. So I did. And now I’m doing them.”
“Where’s the list?”
I pulled at a dark wave of my hair before I answered. “In my head.”
“Want me to dig through your suitcases? You were valedictorian and are the most organized, driven person I know. Let me see it.”
I couldn’t remember all the stuff I had on it. Well, I could. And it was embarrassing. “It’s not important.”
He got off the bed and went toward my suitcase. “It’s important enough that last night you told me you had to do it.”
I hustled up behind him and tried to get around him as he rummaged, but the man was fast and much better at finding hidden objects than I would ever have imagined. He checked the exact pocket I’d put the notebook in first and sidestepped me as I tried to grab it from him.
“This is a complete invasion of privacy,” I whined.
Instead of responding, he read it out loud:
Lilah’s Eat Pray Love List
1. Leave home
2. Do something crazy
3. Explore food here and EAT
4. Explore places here and PRAY
5. Explore men and LOVE
6. Find peace
“Care to elaborate on number five?” he grumbled and tilted his head, staring at me with those emerald eyes of his.
“No.” I straightened my back.
“It’s not safe to go dating people you don’t know in a place you’re not comfortable in. Your brothers would—”
“I’m an adult, Dante.” I snatched my book from him and spun around to put it back in my bag. “My brothers sleep with women all the time.”
“Your brothers can take care of themselves.”
“As can I.”
He growled at my statement and used the notebook to point my way. “This Eat Pray Love stuff is only you looking for trouble.”
“You have to take risks to know your limits and yourself. I know you know that. You were in the army. Did you not take risks there?”
His strong jaw worked up and down, up and down. “You don’t want my life.”
“I want a better one than I have. I’ve done nothing but wallow in what everyone expects of me so far.”
“That’s a good life,” he bellowed. “We expected great things.”
I shook my head. No one understood. “Well, lower your expectations.”
He pulled at his neck and stared at the ceiling. “Just remember not to get on your knees and eat, pray, and love with the wrong man.”
“Did you just … I’m not dignifying that with a response, Dante. I’m going to get dressed.” With that, I hurried to my luggage and grabbed my swimsuit and a sundress.