Four Seconds to Lose (Ten Tiny Breaths, #3)(98)

There’s a long pause, during which she reaches up to wipe away some tears. “I don’t know.”

“China.” Playing clueless has never suited her.

“I just thought you needed it.”

I heave a sigh and curse my f*cking dick for starting this. The girl makes her money sniffing out hard-up guys with cash to burn. Hell, she’s got erection radar.

“What I need, ” I say as I pull China away from me to look directly into her pleading green eyes, “is for you to accept that I will never use you like that.”

She drops her gaze to my chest and nods. With pursed lips, she whispers, “Do you love her?”

Of course. I should have known that this is what it was about. I don’t avert my gaze as I say very slowly, “I don’t know yet. Maybe.”

She can’t keep the tears from welling in her eyes. “Why her, Cain? Why not me?”

Ahh . . . f*ck me . . . I’m still angry with her but my pity trumps it. “I don’t know. These things are beyond our control, sometimes.” Pulling her to my body as she starts crying again, I mutter to myself, “I’m not sure it’s going to matter either way, now.”

I give her ten more minutes of my time.

And then I hand her off to Nate—who is not too happy about the prospect of a sobbing China on him—and I go after Charlie.





chapter thirty-four


■ ■ ■

CHARLIE

I so badly want to pick up that phone.

My hand falters, picturing the other end pressed up against Cain’s stubble.

The slow but heavy rhythmic beat of my heart speeds up with thoughts of him, of what happened between us, of seeing him with China. He claimed it wasn’t what it looked like—and it looked like China was giving him a lap dance while her tongue was down his throat. I almost buckled, the sight like a punch to my stomach.

I feel like a fool.

Has that happened before, between them? Has that happened since he’s been with me? My arms curl tightly around my body at the crushing thought. Has he been lying to me this entire time?

Do I have a right to be angry with him, given all the ways in which I’ve lied to him?

Maybe Cain would be better off with China. Or a woman like China. Or anyone other than me, really. Anyone who wouldn’t be putting him in danger as I have, by being so selfish, and so stupid as to believe I could have a future with him. My cluster-f*ck of a life feels ready to explode, right here in this gas-station parking lot.

I didn’t go home. I couldn’t. Cain would track me down and then I’d fall apart into a mess of sobs. Maybe I’d even be brainless enough to tell him everything.

And that would put him in real danger.

I don’t know how much more of this I can take.





chapter thirty-five


■ ■ ■

CAIN

“I hope you enjoy it,” the young woman behind the counter offers, flashing me a teasing smile as she hands the key lime pie to me, intentionally grazing my fingers. She’s pretty, but she can’t be more than eighteen years old and that’s way too young for me. Plus, I highly doubt I’m what she’s looking for, unless she has daddy issues.

“Thank you,” I offer politely. I don’t recognize her, but I haven’t been to this café in months. It has the best key lime pie in the city and I’m on my way to see Storm. I don’t know what to do. Charlie’s not at her apartment, she’s not at my condo. She’s not answering her phone. I’m going out of my f*cking mind.

As I walk out the front door and pass by the patio, I note the newly occupied tables.

A pretty doll face catches my eyes.

It’s Charlie’s twin.

She has the same nose, the same big brown eyes, the same wide mouth. Only her hair isn’t blond and curly, it’s jet black and long, like China’s. My feet slow of their own accord as I blink several times. I’ve finally lost it. I’ve finally become so obsessed with Charlie that I’m seeing her everywhere.

She’s hunched over at a table, sipping a lemonade, opposite a large graying man in a red golf shirt. I can’t see his face, but whatever he said must be funny because she tips her head back and laughs.

Just like Charlie does.

I know I should move on, but I stand there and watch as she slides that straw into her mouth for another drink, letting her eyes skitter over the tables around her, to a television up in the corner, to the walkway.

To me.

All the color drains from her face. Her jaw drops as recognition flashes in her eyes.

And I instantly know that I’m staring at Charlie.





chapter thirty-six


■ ■ ■

CHARLIE

This can’t be happening.

Of all the places in the world for Cain to be right now, the goddamn café where I’m meeting Jimmy should not be one of them. This is beyond bad. The only thing that could make this worse is . . .

This.

My pulse begins pounding in my ears as I watch Cain step onto the covered patio. It takes everything in my willpower not to squeeze my eyes shut and pray. Pray that he’ll keep walking. That this is all an illusion. That Cain’s not really here. That I’ve finally gone crazy.

“Charlie, how are you?” His tone is so smooth, as if there’s nothing at all unusual about this situation. That I’m not at a café, wearing a wig, clearly trying to disguise myself, instead of at home with a hot water bag and a bottle of Midol. He’s used my name and there’s no inflection, so there’s no question. He recognizes me.