Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock(59)
12 Maybe you think I’m an *, making smoking more affordable for an old man with shot lungs? I’m not a big fan of smoking, for the record, even though I’m about to commit suicide. Irony? But Walt pretty much has old-time movies, cigarettes, scotch, and me. Cigarettes are 25 percent of his life. So I don’t judge him for smoking. Why should he want to extend his life longer? He started before they even knew it was bad for you, so maybe his addiction isn’t really his fault anyway. Maybe if I were born eighty-some years ago, I’d be addicted to cigarettes too.
13 Seventy-inch flat-screen TV; Oriental rugs; garage-kept brand-new Mercedes-Benz, which he never even drives; professionally landscaped yard; in-ground sprinkler system; original Norman Rockwell painting in the hallway—you get the picture.
14 If you took away all his wrinkles and rogue white hair, he’d look like a seasoned George Clooney.
15 He’s talking about my Bogart hat, which is too big and even covers my eyebrows. It’s kind of ridiculous.
16 Maybe you’re wondering why a teenager in 2011 likes watching Bogart films with an old man? Good question. At first, it was just something to do, somewhere to be where I felt wanted, because Walt’s pretty lonely. But I really grew to get, understand, and love Bogart Hollywood land. Walt says the movies were for men who came home from World War II disoriented, trying to make sense of the new postwar world, trying to relearn how to be men in a new domesticated life with women. There were no women around during the fighting overseas, just men supporting men, which is the reason for the Lauren Bacall–type femme fatales. During the war, men forgot how to interact with and trust women. And I like the fact that Walt takes me to a place none of my classmates even know exists. I admire Bogart because he does what’s right regardless of consequences—even when the consequences are stacked high against him—unlike just about everyone else in my life.
17 Turtleneck sweater. Missing-tooth smile. Bowl cut. Cute kid.
18 Who is, ironically, dying.
19 Like Linda, who claims to LOVE LOVE LOVE designing clothing but never misses a chance to complain about and stress over her work. How can she love something that makes her so unhappy—that keeps her away from her only son? Maybe being stressed about work and complaining all the time are a welcome respite from being Leonard Peacock’s mom? I don’t know. But thinking about that makes me sad. Especially since she became a fashion designer right after I tried to tell her about the bad stuff that happened with Asher. It was like my failed confession drove her away from me—made me repugnant.
20 Who probably screws hundreds of other women behind your back, because he’s a powerful player in the fashion business, so he definitely can. And people who value fashion first and foremost are not usually humanitarians or Nobel Peace Prize candidates, after all.
21 Herr Silverman said that the Jewish women in the Nazi death camps were often forced to have sex with Nazi officers (maybe like the one who owned my P-38?) just to stay alive and get privileges for themselves and family members. And hearing that made me wonder if Linda has to perform sex acts for Jean-Luc to keep her fashion career alive. (Herr Silverman also said that some sex slaves were teenage kids just like us.)
22 Interesting that businesses in the city have security guards but my high school doesn’t. Maybe it will after today. But why protect adults and not children?
23 All adults.
24 Answering machine in 2011? What? Sad but true. Linda doesn’t like to give out her cell number to “non-industry people,” like the office workers at my high school, because she thinks she’s Donatella Versace.
25 How does a teenage boy know the word camisoles ? Three words: Fashion designer mother.
26 Herr Silverman says Ahmadinejad is a Holocaust denier. Walt Disney was accused of being a Nazi sympathizer too, according to Herr Silverman. Walt Disney actually went to Nazi meetings, put anti-Semitic images in his cartoons, and joined a group that discriminated against Jews in the entertainment industry. Walt Disney! It’s amazing how many people are secretly racist. I mean, millions of good little kids from all over the world go to Disney World and have this really nice family time—all orchestrated by an alleged Nazi sympathizer. Why don’t more people talk about this? Herr Silverman says Disney wanted to create a utopia that was so alluring, so convincing that no one would dare oppose it. “Who does that remind you of?” Herr Silverman asked, and we all understood the answer was Hitler. That made a bunch of people in my class angry. Lori Sleeper said, “Why are you trying to ruin our childhood?” And Herr Silverman said, “You’d rather not know that Walt Disney is often accused of being a Nazi sympathizer?” And Lori Sleeper said, “YES!” That bit depressed me because I could tell she really meant it. Head-in-the-sand logic is so popular here at my high school. It’s like even if Disney World were run on power generated by secret underground slaves from Africa, people who were chained and forced to ride stationary bikes hooked up to generators, people who were whipped and lived in cages at night and weren’t properly fed—people all over America would still take their children to Disney World. Just as long as no one saw the slaves being whipped. Hide the horrors and most Americans will be happy as hell. Depressing.
27 There were a few kids who looked just as sickened as I was by the übermorons’ behavior but they didn’t let Asher see their disgust. No one wanted to be the next target, and that’s just how übermorons like it—the secret to their power.