Forget Her Name(92)

I draw back in horror, wondering why the hell I have been brought here, why I’m being shown this dead woman.

But then I see her chest gently rising and falling. She isn’t dead. Merely asleep.

Not a natural sleep, however. I study the machines ranged on either side of the bed, connected to her body via various tubes and wires. A ventilator, I think, and a heart monitor, and other machines I don’t recognise.

‘They keep her alive,’ Dominic says, watching me inscrutably. ‘Until I decide this charade has gone on long enough. That it’s time to let her go.’

‘I don’t understand.’

He draws a slow breath, then lets it out. Controlling himself.

‘Don’t you, Rachel?’

I hate the way he says my name with such deliberate emphasis. As if he’s contrasting me with Cat. My pale shadow. The person I no longer want to be, according to Dr Holbern’s philosophy.

‘I don’t have a clue,’ I say. For once, I don’t know how to play this. I want to scream at him to take me home, but I don’t quite dare. Not when he’s looking at me with such an accusing expression, as if I’ve done something dreadful. Only I have no idea what. ‘Why don’t you tell me what this is about, Dom? Who is she?’

He strokes a finger down the woman’s cheek, gazing at her with real tenderness. ‘This,’ he says, ‘is Felicity.’

I frown. ‘Felicity? Sorry, is that name supposed to mean something to me? Because it’s not ringing any bells.’ I stare at the woman. ‘Who exactly is Felicity?’

‘My half-sister.’

‘Your half-sister.’

‘That’s right,’ he says. ‘Same mum, different dads.’

‘I don’t understand,’ I say again, frowning. ‘You told me you didn’t have any close family still living.’

‘I lied.’

I’m nauseous again. My head buzzes oddly, like there’s a wasp in there, beating against the inside of my head, desperate to be free.

‘Look at her, Rachel,’ he says, and studies his half-sister. ‘Felicity wasn’t just my half-sister. She was my best friend too. We were so close growing up, she always knew what I was thinking. Like she was inside my head. And her laugh . . . God, it was so bubbly, so infectious, you couldn’t hear it and not laugh too. We all loved her madly. I can’t tell you how much I miss her.’ His voice chokes. ‘How much I’ll always miss her.’

I stare at my feet. My high heels are pinching, so I kick them off. The plastic sheet is cool under my feet.

‘Look at her,’ he says through gritted teeth.

‘I’ve looked.’ I shrug. ‘So she’s your half-sister. So what?’

‘Do you recognise her?’

‘No.’ I chew at my fingernail, pretending to be bored now, impatient to leave this vile place. ‘I’m hungry. Can’t we eat yet?’ I bite off a jagged sliver of nail and spit it out like a ten-year-old. ‘Come on, let’s go. I hate the smell of this place.’

‘Don’t you even want to know what happened to her? Why Felicity is here?’ Dominic grabs my wrist and yanks me closer to the bed, his voice angry. ‘Why these machines are the only thing keeping her alive?’

The wasp in my head buzzes violently. Suddenly, I feel like retching.

‘No,’ I say.

‘Liar!’

I don’t see his hand come up until it’s too late. He knocks me backwards with one blow, a slap across my face that leaves me breathless and shocked, staring up at him from the floor.

‘You should want to know,’ he yells, ‘because you did this to her!’

Stunned, I cup my throbbing cheek.

‘Years ago, you lied your way out of taking responsibility for what happened to her. But this is where the lies stop.’ He stands over me, his face dark with emotion. ‘Fuck! I thought that once you were Rachel again, you’d remember for sure.’

‘Remember what?’

‘A wet night. Your dad’s car. He’d left his keys on the kitchen table.’ His eyes are like slits. ‘You took them. Stole the car. Even though you were only a kid, even though you had no idea how to drive.’ His voice thickens, furious. ‘The car was a classic Jaguar. Big, sleek, powerful. Automatic transmission. A lethal weapon in the wrong hands.’

He takes a step towards me and I fear he’s going to kill me.

I reach out blindly, scrabbling about, and find one of my shoes. I throw it at him, but it just bounces off his thigh.

‘Felicity had gone out to train at the leisure centre that evening. She often trained late, then walked home.’ He glances back at the woman on the bed, and his eyes well with tears. ‘She was a promising swimmer. Regional champion. There was talk of her working towards Olympic selection.’ His voice cracks. ‘Until you came round the corner too fast, and lost control.’

‘Me?’

‘It was raining. The Jag skidded, mounted the pavement.’ His voice becomes a howl as he stalks towards me, and I can tell he means to do me harm. ‘She was crushed against a wall. She didn’t stand a chance.’

I start to crawl away on hands and knees, but Dominic follows close behind. Grabs me by my short hair, dragging me back to my feet.