Forever with Me (With Me in Seattle, #8)(70)

“Okay.” She sounds confused. “What’s the problem?”

“I’m not that for Dominic. And I deserve that, Jules. I need it.”

“Everyone deserves it, but I don’t understand why you think you’re not a priority for Dom. Hold on.” She pulls the phone away from her face and murmurs to someone quietly before returning.

“Please don’t tell the family about this.”

“That was my dad. He’s just making sure everything is okay. He won’t say anything.”

“I hope you’ll still think of me when events come up.”

“Girl, you’re doing Jax and Logan’s wedding. We won’t take no for an answer.”

I bite my lip as longing fills me. I love working with this family. It’s not just because of the money, but because they’re fun and my best clients. I don’t want to give them up.

And why should I have to? I didn’t do anything wrong!

“Okay. I’ll call you next week. I’m out of town right now.”

“Where are you?”

“San Francisco. I have some demons to put to rest.”

“Alecia, I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t be. I’ll be fine. I’ll talk to you next week.”

She sighs in my ear. “Fine. We’ll talk next week. And I mean talk, Alecia.”

“I’ll see you soon.”

***

When I arrive at the Alley Cat, the diner that Jonathan and I had Sunday morning breakfast at every week during our entire marriage, he’s already sitting in our booth, near the back, looking nervous as he stares down into his coffee mug. I take a minute to soak in the sight of him. His mink-brown hair is longer than he used to wear it, almost shaggy. He’s still thin, just this side of too thin, with no muscle definition on his arms. He’s wearing his usual metal band T-shirt and baggy jeans.

He looks young. Carefree.

I sit opposite from him, unlike when we were married.

“You used to sit beside me,” he says with a half-smile and sits back in the booth arrogantly.

I don’t return it.

Instead, I sit back and say the first thing that comes to mind.

“You should be ashamed of the way you treated me.”

His eyes widen, but I see I’ve struck him dumb, so I continue.

“The way you used to belittle my job? Not okay.” My voice is perfectly calm, but my eyes are pinned to his. “The way you’d give me the silent treatment when I disappointed you? Definitely not okay. Making me feel small, or that your shortcomings were my fault, was not okay.”

The waitress appears to take my drink order, but I simply shake my head, sending her on her way.

“You pushed me away when I tried to give you affection. You made sure I knew that I was the last person on your priority list. You had inappropriate relationships with women that you weren’t married to.” I lean forward, bracing myself on my elbows. His face has paled, but his mouth is tight, and I can see I’m pissing him off. “And making me feel like a piece of shit because my sexual appetites weren’t the same as yours was not f*cking okay.”

He swallows hard. “Are you done?”

I tip my head back and forth, giving it some thought. “For now.”

“It’s good to see you too. You look beautiful, by the way.”

I blink and frown at him. “I’m out of here.”

“Wait.” His hand covers mine before I can slide out of the booth. “Don’t go. You’re right. None of that was okay.”

“Okay.” I pull my hand out of his and watch him quietly. “Since we agree on that, now I get to ask you why.”

He laughs and shakes his head. “Why was I a douche?”

“You were an *, Jonathan. And I want to know why. What was it about me that was so unlovable? What gave you the right to make me feel less than, especially knowing my past with my parents.”

“Oh, Alecia, you are not unlovable. I’ll apologize first and foremost if I ever made you feel that way.”

My eyebrows lift in surprise.

“I was so in love with you I couldn’t see straight. You were beautiful and smart and so f*cking talented.”

My jaw drops, and then I recover and simply scowl at him.

“If that’s how you treat someone you love, I really don’t want to know how you’d treat someone you can’t stand.”

“I was never good enough for you, Alecia. I knew that. I didn’t know why you were with me. And when you started your business and it became successful, I was worried.”

“Worried?”

“That you’d figure out that I wasn’t good enough for you. I dumbed it down, made it seem insignificant, because I was too much of a * to simply be proud of you. And the rest?” He shrugs and shakes his head. “I’ve been going through some therapy to figure it out. I knew I was hurting you, and I hated it, but I couldn’t stop.”

“What’s the verdict?”

“I’m a selfish jerk.”

“Pretty close,” I reply with a nod. “You do realize that being a complete * to someone that you’re afraid of losing is not the way to keep them.”

“Hey, no one said I was smart.”