Five Winters(61)

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I imagined the three of us walking somewhere hand in hand, laughing together—me, Olivia, and Emily. Me offering them something different. Something good they could love me for. But the fantasy never included Jaimie—good old beloved Daddy Jaimie swooping in and taking over, needing to be the centre of his girls’ attention, needing to be needed.

“Looks as if that’s struck a chord,” Jake said.

I nodded. “This time last year I was a stepmother to two girls. It was really hard.”

“Being a stepparent is hard. And unfortunately, it’s an increasingly likely scenario in new relationships as you get older, isn’t it? I’ve been on both sides of the equation—coparented kids that weren’t mine and suffered the pain of a stranger coparenting my kids. It’s a minefield either way. But anyway, enough of the doom and gloom. We’re here.”

We entered the garden and walked together around the paths, admiring the lanterns hanging in the trees and lined up on the walls, Jake pointing out those made at the centre. It was so pretty with all the different colours and the strings of fairy lights. The air was filled with the smell of a bonfire, of burgers and something sweet. I could hear laughter and children’s excited cries. I was really glad I’d come.

Of course, because I worked in the community as I did, it wasn’t long before I was recognised.

“Hello, Beth. What d’you think of the lights?”

“Hello, Mrs. Riches. They’re very pretty, aren’t they? How’s Patch?”

“Sulking ’cause you lot won’t let him have any mince pies, but all right apart from that. We’re sticking to his diet!”

“I’m glad to hear it. See you later.”

“Do you get a lot of that when you come to community events?” Jake asked.

“Yes. You must too, don’t you?”

“Sometimes. Speaking of which, hello, Francis; hi, Ben.”

I recognised two of the kids from the lantern-making activity at the centre.

“Is Beth your girlfriend now, Jake?” Francis asked.

“No, Francis, we only just met. As you well know. See you guys later.”

Jake and I moved on, exchanging a smile.

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. Just kids being kids.”

“Shall we get some food?”

“Great idea.”

We joined the queue and took our spoils to a couple of free chairs beneath the trees.

“Mmm,” I said, biting into my burger hungrily.

Jake smiled. “You look as if you’re enjoying that.”

I smiled back, taking a sip of my beer. “I am. It’s really good.”

“So,” he said. “Adoption, huh? That’s a noble thing to do.”

Was it? I hadn’t thought of it like that.

“Especially adopting an older child. They’re the ones that need it the most.”

I didn’t like to tell him my heart was set on adopting a younger child. That my call to the centre had been a reserve option.

“It can take some of our more troubled kids a while to trust, but when they do, they repay you in spades.”

“How many children have you got yourself?” I asked, thinking of what he’d said about having experienced a stranger being a stepparent to his children.

“Two. A boy of seventeen and a girl of fifteen. They live with their mum. We split up ages ago. Totally my fault. I’ve grown up since then. Or at least, I like to think so.”

“My boss was singing your praises,” I said. “That’s how I heard about you. His kids have been to some of your events. Clive, from Dalston Vets?”

“Oh, Clive. Sure, I know Clive. Always ready with a joke.”

“That’s him.”

“He must be fun to work for.”

“He is.”

Music started up somewhere in the garden. I listened to it while I ate, still enjoying the sight of the coloured lanterns. Then someone called my name, and I looked up to see Naomi holding Bembe’s hand and pushing a buggy containing her new daughter, Precious, with the other.

“Naomi! Hi.”

Bembe broke free from his mother and rushed towards me, hands in the air, demanding to be picked up. “Up, Beth. Up, up, up!”

I pulled him up onto my hip, where he instantly started pointing at the different lights. “Red! Blue!”

“That’s right,” I said. “They’re so pretty, aren’t they?”

“I’d be careful if I were you,” warned Naomi. “He badly needs a nappy change. Actually, since you’re here, d’you mind watching Precious for me while I take him to the toilet?”

“Of course,” I said, turning to her, noticing she was looking at Jake. “Oh, sorry, this is Jake from the East London Youth Centre. Jake, this is my friend Naomi, and this is Bembe and Precious.”

“Nice to meet you, Jake,” said Naomi, the twinkle in her eye telling me she approved of what she saw.

“Hey, Bembe,” Jake said to Bembe, holding his hand up to be high-fived.

Bembe obliged, putting all his strength into it, laughing as Jake pretended to stagger backwards. He was having so much fun he protested when Naomi took him off for his nappy change, his cries causing Precious to stir in her buggy.