Five Winters(45)

“Oh, and for the record, no, I definitely don’t think you should have stayed with him.”

I smiled. “Thanks.”

The Introduction to Adoption Information Session run by Adoption East London was a bus ride away. As I hurried towards the bus stop at the end of my road, I wondered why I’d made myself potentially late by calling Rosie. And why I’d asked her about Jaimie. Why was I even thinking about Jaimie right now? God, if he knew I was doing this, he’d laugh out loud. He wouldn’t be able to believe it. But so what? It had been eleven months since our split. What Jaimie thought and didn’t think about anything connected to my life was completely irrelevant. Thank goodness.



My departure from Jaimie’s life had been a messy affair. Let’s just say he didn’t take the news that I wanted to break up with him at all well. In fact, it took a while to convince him I really meant it. And after I had, he wanted me gone as soon as possible.

“I’m going to work,” he’d said. “I’ll be back by four. I want you and your belongings gone by the time I get back. Understood?”

But it wasn’t as simple as that, because even though I’d let out my flat furnished, I still had all my other belongings in Ely—most of them crammed into Jaimie’s attic. He’d hired a van when I moved in, but obviously I couldn’t expect him to do that this time. So I decided there was nothing for it but to have a ruthless cull of my belongings. That way, everything would fit into my ancient car.

Only, on the way to the dump, my car died.

Ely isn’t exactly a thriving metropolis, but my car happened to choose a roundabout for its final demise, and a queue soon built up behind me. As I tried fruitlessly to turn the engine over, wishing I hadn’t ignored the knocking sound that had started up the previous week, people started sounding their horns angrily.

Finally, I got out, and a man helped me to push my car to the side of the road. Then I rang roadside assistance.

As I stood at the side of the road, waiting, I stared bleakly through the car windows at the belongings I’d been going to dump—boxes of books I’d wanted to read again, my old college folders, a little armchair in need of renovation that had belonged to my grandmother. I didn’t really want to throw any of it out. At least, not hastily like this.

Tears filled my eyes—stupid tears that soon had doubt and panic raging inside me. The next few weeks were going to be so bloody hard. Why had I done this to myself? Jaimie was a perfectly good man. Decent. Attractive. Good in bed. Okay, so he always put his girls before me, but that made him a good father, not a bad partner. And he hadn’t definitely said no to us having a baby together. I hadn’t given him the chance to, had I? The six months weren’t up yet. God, what if I never met anyone as nice as him ever again?

Craving comfort, I phoned Rosie.

“Ah, kid,” she said after I’d explained the situation. “I’m so sorry. But it was the right thing to do if you weren’t happy, wasn’t it? And the important thing now is to sort out how to get your stuff back here. Look, Mark’s just popped round for a cup of tea. I’ll put him on, shall I? He can help you out.”

“Oh, no,” I said hastily, but too late—Rosie had gone, and I could hear a rumble of voices as she spoke to him.

Then Mark was on the line. “Beth? Jeez, I’m so sorry. Look, where exactly are you? I’ll hire a van and come straight over. But it’ll take me three hours or so to get there, at a guess.”

Hearing his calm, concerned voice made me promptly burst into tears. He’d sounded like Richard—kind and practical. And I knew that, had he still been alive, Richard would have been the first person I’d have called to get me out of this dilemma.

As I swiped the tears away, the flashing lights of the recovery vehicle headed towards me along the road. Suddenly I wanted Mark and his hired van more than I could say.

“Thanks, Mark. Thanks so much. The recovery services are just arriving.”

“Have them tow the car to a garage, then let me know where you are. I’ll come straight to the garage to get the stuff from the car, and then we can go on to Jaimie’s for the rest, okay? And try not to worry, okay? Everything will be all right.”

The garage people were lovely to me, making me a cup of coffee and offering several more, letting me wait in their cosy reception area. Even so, I had never been so glad to see anyone as I was to see Mark when he finally turned up.

“Sorry it’s taken so long. I got here as fast as I could.”

I hadn’t seen Mark since the funeral a few weeks previously. His eyes were dark shadowed, tired looking. It didn’t look as if he’d slept much since then either. Now, here he was, having to drive up to Ely to rescue me.

“I’m sure this is the very last thing you wanted to do today. Thanks so much.”

“I don’t imagine it’s the best day of your life either,” he said. “Come on, let’s just get it over with. Everything’ll seem better when you’re back in Dalston.”

“Think so?”

“I know so.”

We got on with transferring everything from my poor broken car. Mark frowned when he saw my grandmother’s chair.

“Your gran’s chair,” he said, loading it up. “You weren’t going to take that to the dump?”

“I was in a panic.”