Five Winters(37)

“God only knows why you agreed to it in the first place,” Rosie said. “Just because naturism’s Jaimie’s hobby doesn’t mean you have to take it up.”

I couldn’t explain, not with Mark there, and Rosie probably wouldn’t have understood anyway. I’d just felt so grateful to Jaimie when I’d moved to Ely. So aware that if it wasn’t for him, I’d probably still be moping about my flat, longing hopelessly for something I could never have. Jaimie had brought me back to life. I’d wanted to please him.

“I didn’t start my naturism journey with the naked walk. I eased myself into it at first by taking my clothes off when we were in the garden.”

“The garden isn’t overlooked, then?” Mark asked.

“No. It’s very private. Anyway, I got used to that. Liked it, actually. It was freeing. And then the next step was going for a drink at the club bar.”

I hadn’t liked to refuse when Jaimie had suggested that either. Deep down, I hadn’t wanted to go at all. Well, not even deep down, I suppose. But just as he’d done later on with the naked walk, Jaimie had somehow managed to persuade me it would be a life-affirming experience.

“What was that like?” Mark asked.

I shrugged. “It turns out a glass of chardonnay tastes the same whether you’re wearing clothes or not. And pub bores are pretty much the same whether they’re naked or dressed. Except, if they’re naked, you have to make eye contact with them a bit more than you probably would do normally.”

Once again Mark laughed, then sat there, staring into the flames, shaking his head. Probably imagining me naked. God.

“To get back to my original point,” persisted Rosie, “in my opinion, both of you have sold out. You’ve changed yourselves to try and suit your partners, and I’m not sure that’s a good thing. They ought to love you just as you are.”

I looked down at my dress, suddenly feeling a bit bleak, then noticed Mark sit up a little straighter in his seat.

“Relationships are all about compromise, though, aren’t they? Perhaps your inability to accept that is the reason you and Giorgio keep splitting up.”

There was silence for a moment. Because I knew why she and Giorgio had split up, I felt really bad for Rosie.

“You know nothing about it.”

“You don’t know anything about my and Beth’s relationships, but that doesn’t stop you voicing an opinion, does it?”

“Actually, Giorgio and I keep splitting up, as you put it, because he wants to get married and have babies.”

She sounded quite upset, but Mark, brother-like, didn’t seem to notice. “Well, what’s so wrong with that? You’re good together. He’s a great guy . . .”

Rosie stood up, her hands clenched at her sides. “Nothing’s wrong with it if being a parent happens to be what you want,” she shouted. “I just don’t happen to want that. And he does. Okay? Now, excuse me, I’m going to the loo.”

She strode off, and then it was just me and Mark.

“Oh dear,” he said. “I’ve upset her, haven’t I?”

“Yes,” I said sadly. “She’s hurting at the moment. But you weren’t to know.”

He sighed. “Giorgio’s a really nice guy. It’s such a shame.”

“I know.”

He looked at me. “I’m right about compromise, though, aren’t I? I mean, Grace compromises. She does. I’m allowed to eat Pot Noodles for my lunch on Saturdays now.”

We exchanged glances. Smiled. I noticed the planes of his face in the firelight. Jaimie’s face was all curves, but with Mark it was the jawline and cheekbones you noticed.

“I suppose there’s no way to compromise about having kids, though, is there?” he went on. “You either want them or you don’t.”

Oh God. I looked away, focussing my gaze on the flames in the wood burner. “Men often say they don’t want children. But then their partner gets pregnant, and the man ends up thinking it’s the best thing that ever happened to them.” It was what I secretly hoped would happen with me and Jaimie.

Mark nodded. “Yes, I know a few guys like that. But then I suppose men don’t actually have to carry the kid for nine months, do they? Or give birth to them. Rosie never has been the maternal type. I’m an idiot.”

I reached across the space between us to squeeze his hand. “She’ll be all right.”

He took my hand in his, and we smiled at each other. Then, just as I was afraid he might ask something about me and Jaimie and children, Rosie returned, her slightly pink eyes a giveaway to the fact that she’d been crying.

Mark let go of my hand to pull her in for a hug. “Sorry, sis. I’m a complete idiot. Grace is always telling me so.”

“You’ve finally managed to find something Grace and I actually agree on, then,” Rosie said with a sniff. “For your information, just because I don’t want to do all that grown-up stuff, it doesn’t mean I don’t care. I do. It’s Giorgio who’s changed, not me. I told him right from the get-go that I wanted to keep it light.”

“Things change, though, don’t they?” Mark said, but he spoke softly, still hugging her close. “People fall in love.”

“They do,” she agreed, crying a little more.