Five Ways to Fall (Ten Tiny Breaths, #4)(109)

“Hey!”

“Payback’s a bitch.”

I smile, a hazy memory of Cancún flashing through my mind. “Have you been drinking margaritas? Because I think that’s one of those times where two wrongs definitely don’t make a right.” I wonder, had I not thrown up on him, had we actually slept together that night, would I be standing here right now, wondering how on earth you tell a guy who avoids commitment that you’ve fallen for him, hard?

He reaches out to grab my hand and pull me toward him, until he’s able to push me onto the bed, his fingers deftly unfastening my belt. “Your clothes are wet. You need to get out of them and quick.” The guy has undressing women down to an art because somehow he manages to pull every last stitch of clothing off of me in record time and with no help on my part, until I find myself lying naked across the bed with his eyes grazing over my body.

“The attic needs reinsulating,” he confirms as a shiver courses through my body. I honestly don’t think it’s from the cold.

“I’m naked, again. And you’re not, again.”

Ben yanks the back of his sodden black T-shirt up and over his head before letting it slide down his arms, uncovering the smooth ridges of his muscles. As lightning zigzags through the sky in frequent bursts, filling the attic room with flashes of white light, I watch him undo his jeans and let them fall, pushing his boxer briefs off with them. I find myself lying on a bed and staring at a very naked, very appealing, and very aroused Ben in front of me. My breath hitches with the sight.

“You seem to have a problem,” I muse, replaying the old Cancún tape as I prop myself up on my elbows and, though self-conscious, let my legs fall apart for him. Ben’s a guy who truly appreciates a woman’s body. Not just a woman’s body. My body, it would seem. My plump ass, my soft curves. My biggest insecurities seem to be his biggest turn-ons.

“You have no f*cking idea.” The sudden tension in his square jaw makes him all the more handsome as he dives into the bed, finding a resting spot between my thighs, his elbows digging into the mattress on either side of my shoulders. The heat radiating from his large body will no doubt counter the chill in the air.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about this all week.” One of his hands finds its way to my piercing to play with it gently, much more gently than I ever imagined him capable of. “Did you know I turned down a beauty queen?”

A tightness instantly fills my stomach. “Remember that filter you need to work on?” What happens when he doesn’t turn the beauty queen down? Or the Twinkie? What will that do to me? To us? To this? We’ll lose this forever! That’s what will happen.

I stare up at him and bite my tongue, terrified that my own filter is going to fail me. “Why?”

Curious blue eyes take in my features. It’s impossible not to notice the speed and intensity of his heart beating against my chest. Leaning down to graze his lips against mine, he answers simply, “Wasn’t into her.”

“Not into a beauty queen? Impossible.” I take a deep, calming breath. I could read so much into this. The fact that I want to read only one thing into it is telling. And terrifying. Why am I doing this to myself? I can’t pretend not to care when I do. That would be like throwing all of my emotions into a jar and sealing it. Anyone who knows me can predict the guaranteed explosion, the devastating aftermath.

“I know. Shocking, isn’t it?” I catch the twinkle in his eye. It fades quickly. “What’s going on with you? You seem off.”

“I saw Jared tonight,” I suddenly blurt out. I guess that’s as good a place as any to start.

Ben’s hand, now cupping a breast, freezes. I catch the bob of his Adam’s apple with a hard swallow. “And?”

“He told me that he loves me. He regrets ever breaking up and he wants me back.”

Ben’s forehead dips to rest against mine. We lie like that, in complete silence, as the thunder rolls on outside, the storm still increasing in intensity. It’s either the slowest or the longest storm I’ve ever witnessed, most in Florida hitting hard and fast before moving on quickly.

Finally, he heaves a sigh and lifts his head to look out the window, the light stubble dusting his jaw visible with the flashes of bright light. “I should have known this would happen,” he mumbles, his head shake almost indiscernible. “Serves me f*cking right, doesn’t it?”

I frown as he rolls off me, taking all his warmth and affection, and lands on his back. One hand slides behind his head. “Did I just miss something?”

Ben’s soft laughter fills the dimly lit attic. “Talk about irony. You know, when Mama and Elsie started riding my ass about me having feelings for you, I kept brushing them off.” His head lolls to the side, sad eyes on mine. “Now that I’ve finally admitted to myself that I want more, I have no chance. Do I?”

My heart feels like it just swelled two sizes. What? Did I just hear that right?

Ben wants something more? I prop myself up on my elbows as a swirl of confusion and exhilaration rips through me like a tornado. But then . . . “What the f*ck are you talking about?”

He throws a hand up and states matter-of-factly, “You’re here to tell me that you’re getting back together with that asshat, right? That’s why you came up here tonight?”

“If I were getting back together with Jared, do you think I’d be lying here, naked, with you?” I can’t help but sound annoyed with him.