Five Ways to Fall (Ten Tiny Breaths, #4)(102)

I heave a sigh. “I don’t know . . .” I smile. “She’s funny. She has me laughing all the time, even at work when I want to slit my wrists with all the files I’m buried under. And she’s smart. Way smarter than me. I told her she should go to law school. She’ll ace all her classes if she doesn’t piss her profs off too bad. She’s really talented, too. Man, you should hear her sing. She has this incredible deep, raspy voice that—”

“I don’t believe it,” Elsie cuts in, turning to look hard at me, her eyes twinkling. “It’s true! My little baby brother’s finally stuck on a girl.”

Oh, Christ. I close my eyes. “Now you’re starting with me?”

Her head bumps up against mine. “Well, you didn’t lead with ‘she’s hot.’ ”

“Well, that’s a given. I was just trying to spare you. You want to hear how hot she is? Fine! She’s got this round, tight ass that I just want to—”

“Ugh, Ben!” Elsie punches my bicep with one of her bony knuckles. It doesn’t hurt but I stop anyway, grinning at her until she starts laughing, curling up next to me again.

There’s another long pause. “Darrin and I broke up. Did Mom tell you that?”

I can hear the sadness in her voice. “No. But I heard her saying something about it to Dad . . . Are you okay?”

She shrugs. “Yes. No. I don’t know. I loved him so much, Ben. And we were so happy most of the time, except for when we weren’t and it was my fault. I couldn’t trust him. I had no reason not to and yet there I was, constantly checking his emails and his phone, accusing him every time he came home late.”

“Of course you couldn’t. Look at what you grew up seeing.”

“That’s just Mom and Dad, not everyone.”

“To a kid who sees that day in, day out, it can be everything.”

“I guess.” She sighs. “I don’t know if I’ll ever understand why Mom didn’t boot his ass out years ago. We all would have been better off. I mean, look at Josh. It’s like he tumbled right out of the mold. Did you know he was seeing that other woman for two months before Karen found out? Thank God she dumped his ass. He deserved it.”

“At least he’s trying to get help for the drinking,” I offer half-heartedly.

She sits up slowly. “The rest of us aren’t much better. Rita wants Jake to propose now that she’s pregnant, and he won’t. I’m a suspicious freak.” She throws a casual hand my way. “And look at you.”

“Look at me, what? Hey, I haven’t lied or cheated on anyone. I’ve made zero commitments.”

“Yeah.” She turns to look at me, the moonlight highlighting the sadness on her face. “And you’re going to miss out on all the wonderful things that come with committing. Just think how nice it would be to have one person that you trust so completely.” More matter-of-factly, she states, “Reese was here on Sunday. She saw it all. She’s a part of this, whether you like it or not. You should ask her to come up for Friday.”

I hold up my phone. “I did. No response and I know she’s read it. Maybe she doesn’t want to come. I wouldn’t blame her. It’s a funeral, Elsie. Not a party.”

“What’d you say to her?” Elsie frowns as I let my phone fall into her hand. Scanning the text message, she groans and then flicks me in the ear. “You’re such a dumbass.” Tossing the phone at my chest, she stands and walks toward the door, shaking her head. “Tell her you barely noticed the girl and that you want her to come. Good night.” The door closes softly behind her.

And I’m left staring at my phone, wondering if Reese is already asleep. Listening to my big sis, I quickly type out:

I didn’t screw around with anyone and I want you to come to the funeral. Please.



And I wait.





Chapter 31




REESE





I stare at the screen of my phone as my brain begins to process what my heart has already figured out.

I have a real thing for Ben.

A thing that made my insides clench up when I read that awful joke he made about women throwing themselves at him; that made disappointment swell when he told me his mother wanted me at the funeral, and then made my entire being melt in relief with this last text.

Friends go to their friends’ parents’ funerals. That’s normal. I’m sure Ben will have lots of friends there to support him. That’s why he’s asking me to come. It’s a f*cking funeral! His father’s funeral!

And I know that I want it to mean more.

Okay. I’ll be there.





I stare.

With my chin resting in the palm of my hand, I stare out the glass, over the cubicles, to the empty, dimmed office, picturing that giant guy with his deep, adorable dimples, walking by my office with that big grin, throwing me a wink.

And I keep losing my train of thought as I picture myself hopping on my bike and going to see him. To see how he’s doing. To make sure he’s not reacquainting himself with the neighborhood’s female population.

“Oh God,” I groan. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” The cool wood feels soothing against my forehead as I gently bang my head against my desk. Jack was right. Here I am, already bringing it into the workplace. What if it means nothing? Then what? What happens when he comes back? What happens when another stripper strolls in? Or I see him flirting with another woman? I feel like I have something to lose here.