Five Feet Apart(54)

She squeezes my hand, nodding, understanding, the snow clinging to our hands and our arms and our jackets. “Do you like warm weather or cold weather?” I ask her.

She bites her lip, thinking. “I like snow. But, aside from that, I think I prefer warm weather.” She looks over at me, curious. “You?”

“I like the cold. Not a huge fan of trudging through it, though,” I reply, fixing my beanie and smirking at her. I bend down, scooping up some snow and packing it together. “But I am a huge fan of snowballs.”

She holds up her hands, shaking her head and giggling as she steps away from me. “Will. Do not.”

Then she scoops up a snowball and with lightning-fast speed pins me right in the chest. I stare at her in shock, dramatically falling to my knees.

“I’ve been hit!”

She tags me with another one in response, hitting me in the arm with a sniperlike aim. I chase after her, the two of us laughing and chucking snow in each other’s direction as we head toward the lights.

Way too soon, we both begin gasping for breath.

I grab her hand in truce as we huff and puff up a hill, turning around to look back at it all when we finally reach the top.

Stella exhales, fog swirling out of her mouth as we look back at the snow and the hospital, far behind us. “Sure looks better behind us.”

I give her a look, watching as the snow falls gently onto her hair and face. “Was this on your to-do list? Break out with Will?”

She laughs, the sound happy, real, despite everything. “No. But my to-do list has changed.”

She spreads her arms wide and falls back onto the hill, the snow giving way around her, puffing softly as she lands in it. I watch as she makes a snow angel, laughing as her arms and legs move back and forth, back and forth. No to-do list, no suffocating hospital, no obsessive regimen, no one else to worry about.

She’s just Stella.

I spread my arms and fall down next to her, the snow molding to my body as I land. I laugh, making a snow angel too, my whole body cold from the snow, but warm from the moment.

We stop and look up at the sky. The stars seem an arm’s length away. Bright enough and close enough for us to just reach out and grab them. I look over at her, frowning when I notice a bulge in the front of her coat, on her chest.

Not that I’ve been looking, but her boobs are nowhere near that big.

“What the hell is that?” I ask, poking at the lump.

She unzips her coat to reveal a stuffed panda, lying limply against her chest. I smirk, looking up to meet her eyes. “I can’t wait to hear this one.”

She pulls the panda out of her jacket, holding it up. “Abby gave this to me for my first hospital trip. I’ve had it with me every time since.”

I can see her, young and small and scared, coming into Saint Grace’s for the first time, clutching that ratty panda bear. I laugh, clearing my throat. “Well, that’s good. ’Cause I didn’t want to have to tell you that a third boob’s a deal breaker.”

She glares at me, but it gives way quickly. She tucks the panda back inside, sitting up to zip the coat back up.

“Let’s go see your lights,” I say, standing. She tries to join me but jerks back to the ground. Kneeling, I see that the strap of her O2 concentrator is caught on a root. I reach out, taking the strap off it, and hold out my hand to help her stand back up. She takes it and I pull, her body swinging up, the motion moving her inches away from me.

I look into her eyes, the air coming out of our mouths intermingling in the small space between us, doing what I know our bodies can’t. Behind her I see our snow angels, a perfect five feet apart. I let go, quickly stepping back before the dizzying urge to kiss her overwhelms me again.

We keep walking, finally making it into the park and to the giant pond, the lights just a little bit farther. I watch as the moonlight glints off the frozen surface, dark and beautiful. Looking back, I see Stella breathing heavily, struggling to catch her breath.

“You okay?” I ask, taking a step closer.

She nods, looking past me and pointing. “Let’s take a breather.”

I glance behind me to see a stone footbridge, turning back to grin at Stella’s pun. We walk slowly toward the small bridge, edging carefully along the shoreline of the pond.

Stella stops short, her foot reaching slowly out to touch the ice, and she gradually puts more and more weight on it, testing it out beneath her shoe.

“Stella, don’t,” I say, picturing her going clean through it into the freezing water beneath.

“It’s frozen solid. C’mon!” She gives me a look. The same look I’ve seen all night tonight: brave, mischievous, daring.

Reckless comes to mind too. But I push that aside.

If this is all we get, then let’s take it.

So I take a deep breath, taking her challenge, and grab her hand as we slide onto the ice together.





CHAPTER 23


STELLA


For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel sick.

I grab on to Will’s hands as we slip across the surface of the ice, laughing as we struggle to keep our balance. I squeal as I lose mine, letting go of his arms so I don’t drag him down with me, and I fall hard on my butt.

“You good?” he asks, laughing harder.

I nod happily. Better than good. I watch as he takes off at a run, whooping as he slides across the ice on his knees. Watching him makes the hurt from Poe less blinding, filling my heart up to the brim, even though it’s still in pieces.