Finlay Donovan Knocks 'Em Dead(Finlay Donovan #2)(74)

He answered on the first ring. “You okay?” He sounded wide-awake. Exhausted.

“Yeah. I made it home.”

“I heard.” The line was quiet too long.

“What else did you hear?”

“Enough to know it wasn’t the whole story. Want to come over and tell me what really happened?”

I walked to the window and pulled back the edge of the blinds, craning my neck to see the dark outline of Officer Roddy’s sedan down the block. I settled onto my bed and lay back on my pillows, one arm thrown over my head, staring at the ceiling. “I can’t.”

“Then I’ll come to you.”

“Please don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because there’s an unmarked police car watching my house.”

“Detective Anthony’s?” There was a little flint in his tone, a friction I’d never felt from him before.

“No. One of his friends is parked down the street.”

“Finlay, what’s going on?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Getting caught sneaking into a jail isn’t nothing. Neither is police surveillance on your house. Who were you there to see tonight? Was it Zhirov?” I pressed my lips tight. Nick and I had agreed not to tell anyone. Too many people’s jobs were on the line, not to mention Julian’s future if anyone found out he’d helped me, knowingly or not. “That call you made to me earlier … the questions you asked me. You weren’t at the jail to research a book. You went there to talk to him. Why?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“I thought we were being honest with each other.”

“Plausible deniability. The less you know, the less you have to hide.”

“I already told you, I’m not hiding anything. And you don’t have to hide from me. Just, damnit, Finlay, don’t lie.”

Those words hit me like a punch to the gut. “I’m not lying. I just can’t tell you everything. And believe me, you don’t want me to.”

“Don’t tell me what I want.”

I bristled at the sharpness of his tone. “My life isn’t some cute, curated Instagram page, Julian! You’re right, it’s a hot freaking mess! It comes with baby gates and childproof locks. It comes with car seats and diapers, and a controlling ex-husband, and a meddling, nosy, opinionated mother, and a sister who’s a cop! It comes with things I’ve done that you probably don’t want to know about. And maybe it’s better that there are parts of it you can’t see right now. Because if you were really being honest with yourself, you’d admit that it all scares you and you don’t want to be tagged in a frame with any of that.”

The line went silent. “What is it you think I want from you?”

“That’s what I keep asking myself.” I blew out a shaky sigh and slung an arm over my face. “I’m a single mom in my thirties, Julian. I’ve got two kids and a questionable job. You’re a gorgeous, young bachelor with a promising career and your whole life ahead of you. I don’t even have health insurance.” I squeezed my eyes shut against the burn building behind them.

“Is that it?” His quiet voice was rough with emotion. “You don’t think you’re good enough, so you’re just going to write us off?” I couldn’t make myself speak past the lump in my throat. “You’re right. You’ve got a lot you need to sort out, Finlay, but not the things you’re worried about. Maybe I’m not the only one who isn’t being honest with myself.”

After a long pause, the call disconnected. I held the phone to my ear, wishing I could take so many things back.

There was a soft knock as Vero cracked open my door. She poked her head in, her dark ponytail swishing through the opening. “Want some company?”

She didn’t wait for an answer before creeping into my room in her fuzzy slippers and flannel pajama robe and setting a hot mug of cocoa in my hands. It was filled to the brim with marshmallows. She climbed into my bed and pushed herself back against the headrest beside me. I took a sip of my drink and coughed, a trail of liquor burning fire down my throat.

Vero laughed quietly into her mug. “Figured you could use it. Want to talk about it?”

“I think we just broke up. But I’m not sure which one of us did the breaking.” I filled Vero in on everything that had happened after Nick caught me leaving the jail, up through the part where Parker showed up to represent me.

“Well,” she said, wiping marshmallow from her lip, “that explains why Julian was so upset.”

“Because I used him for information so I could do something illegal?”

“No, because he’s jealous.”

“He’s not jealous. He’s pissed.”

“He’s frustrated, Finn, because he couldn’t be the one to rescue you and Nick was. He sent Parker thinking he was going to be your hero, and she probably turned around and told him Nick had you covered. And now you’re not telling Julian what really happened, so he’s feeling helpless to do anything about it.”

“Just because I ask for help doesn’t mean I want to be saved.”

She shrugged. “What can I say? Men are fragile. Give him some time. He’ll come around.” She pulled a half-pint of bourbon from the pocket of her robe and poured another finger of it into my hot chocolate before putting another splash in her own. “You think Feliks is going to hold up his end of the bargain?”