Finding Grace(80)

Her parents had gone very quiet. They’d looked at each other in the strangest way and Olivia saw the fear in their eyes. And then she’d felt afraid, too.

Now Grace’s mum, had arrived and Olivia felt sick.

The living room door was slightly open and she could hear Lucie crying in there. They were talking in low voices and it seemed Lucie was thanking Olivia’s mum for doing something.

‘I’m so sorry it caused problems between you and Mike,’ Lucie said.

This must be something to do with why her parents had been arguing so much recently. Everything was suddenly such a mystery. The adults were keeping secrets from each other and it seemed that was allowed. But when children kept secrets, that was frowned upon. It was confusing and annoying, too.

They were whispering again but Olivia couldn’t catch much of it. And then her mum raised her voice slightly.

‘I don’t know what got into her, hiding it under her bed like that. I’m so sorry, Lucie.’

She hadn’t hidden it under the bed. Grace had! And sworn her to secrecy, too.

Olivia had said nothing about Grace’s rucksack for all the right reasons – she’d thought at the time, anyway – but now she’d managed to make Grace’s mum feel even sadder and she felt very sorry about that.

She pushed open the door and both mums sat up a bit straighter in that way adults do when a kid walks in; as if they haven’t been talking about anything interesting.

‘Hi, Livvy,’ Lucie said in a funny bright voice that seemed at odds with her blotchy, wet face.

‘Hello.’ Olivia’s voice came out so quiet, so small, she felt like a bad little mouse in one of the picture books she had when she was little. There had always been a happy ending back then.

‘I think you have something to say to Lucie, don’t you, Olivia?’ her mum said in her kind but stern voice. ‘I think you have something to give to her.’

‘Sorry I didn’t tell you I had this.’ Olivia stepped forward and held out the rucksack. Her heart hammered inside her chest like it was desperate to escape Lucie’s sad face.

‘Thank you, Livvy,’ she said, taking the bag. ‘Can I ask why you didn’t tell us before now that you had the bag?’

‘Grace told me to keep it a secret,’ Olivia said quickly. ‘She said she didn’t want anyone to read her diary.’

Lucie didn’t reply. She opened the rucksack and took out the things inside. She held the T-shirt up to her face and breathed in. She did it again and again. Then she took out the diary and looked at the fastening.

Olivia slid her fingers into the tiny pocket of her jeans that hardly held anything at all. She pulled out the tiny key she’d found in the corner of her desk drawer and she gave it to Lucie.

‘I think Grace might’ve written about a secret she had,’ Olivia said.





Fifty-Eight





Lucie





As Livvy hands me the tiny key that will unlock Grace’s diary, our hands touch and I have to fight the urge to grasp her small, cool fingers and pull her to me.

Just to feel her in my arms, so similar to my Grace… to hold her close and bury my face in her silky hair. My heart is cracking open…

I don’t pull her to me, of course I don’t. The last thing I want to do is scare Livvy.

She must have been nervous and confused. Not wanting to betray her best friend and yet feel a building sense of worry about the contents of the rucksack.

I don’t open the diary here. I stand up to leave but before I go, I confide in Bev.

‘Please don’t mention this to anyone, at least for a couple of hours. Now I’m out of the house I’m going to drive to a quiet place to look at the diary. I need a little peace, that’s all. Away from Blake, my dad… Fiona.’

‘I understand, course I do,’ Bev says. ‘But don’t leave it too long, Luce. The police need to know you’ve got her bag. It could be important.’

I nod, but I know what’s important is to get to the park.

Back at the car, I feel sick with nerves at seeing Stefan again, but also an unmistakable excitement and relentless hope that I’ll be seeing Grace. Whatever it takes, I’m bringing her back with me today. I have to.

I slide into the driver’s seat and lock the doors. As I pull away from the desperate faces at the kerbside, I allow myself a sigh of relief.

It doesn’t take long for the tension to return.

What will Stefan want from me in return for the safe delivery of my daughter? I know him well enough to fully expect that he’ll lay out demands. And I’ll agree to all of them. I will. If he’s crazy enough to think we could get back together, I’ll indulge him in that, too.

I’ll say exactly what I need to to ensure my daughter is back in her own bed tonight and I’ll deal with the aftermath when it comes.

The traffic is light and I arrive at the park ten minutes before our scheduled meeting. I park on the street, just down from the entrance and take Grace’s backpack from the passenger street.

I hold it to my chest to try in vain to get a sense of her. I grip the straps where her fingers would have held it on Sunday afternoon.

I pull out the T-shirt and breathe the scent of my daughter in again. Then I force myself to lay it aside and I reach for the diary. I take the tiny key Livvy gave me out of my pocket and unlock it.