Finale (Caraval #3)(44)

People didn’t really matter to Legend. People were game pieces inside of his world. He’d even turned the witch who’d created him into a sacrificed pawn so that he could go on. And yet, despite every thing, Tella wanted to believe he didn’t see her that way. Rather than preserve herself, she wanted to persevere. She wanted to believe he wouldn’t break her heart again. She wanted to believe he wasn’t manipulating her, that she was his one exception. But maybe Legend didn’t know how to make exceptions. Maybe he deceived everyone.

He said he’d never had feelings like this before, and he’d never offered to make anyone immortal, but he’d not bothered to mention the one weakness she’d learned about last night.

Immortals cannot love. Love is poison to us. Love and immortality cannot coexist.

On very rare occasions we come across humans who tempt us to love.… If an immortal feels love for even a minute, they become human for that minute. If the feeling lasts too long, their mortality becomes permanent.

Suddenly everything became clear. Tella understood why Legend showed up in her dreams but kept his distance, refusing to touch her until tonight, right before making an offer to change her. Last night she’d thought Legend had real feelings for her—that he could love her. But it was the opposite. Legend wasn’t changing—he was hoping to change her.

And she didn’t believe it was so that she wouldn’t die. Legend wanted to make her immortal so that he wouldn’t die.

He didn’t love her. He was afraid of falling in love with her, because love was his one weakness. If Legend loved her, he’d lose his immortality and become human. But he wouldn’t have to worry about it if she was immortal, because immortals couldn’t love each other.

Immortals felt obsession, fixation, lust, possession. And Legend was clearly experiencing those things. Tella sensed it with each press of his fingers, as he continued to toy with the ribbons of her bodice and brush hot touches against her skin.

She jolted back, eyes opening as she ripped free from his arms.

Legend blazed brighter, the bronze light around him making everything glow. He usually looked human, but for an instant he looked painfully immortal as his perfect lips pulled into a frown. “What’s wrong?”

“Last night, I found out what your weakness is.”

His shoulders stiffened. “What were you told?”

“That if you come across a human who makes you feel love, then you become mortal, and if the feeling lasts too long, then the change becomes permanent. Which makes me think that you don’t want to change me to keep me alive, you only want to change me to keep yourself alive.”

“No.” His answer was unyielding and immediate. “That’s not why I want to do this. I want you to be immortal so that you won’t die.”

“But I don’t want your immortality, Legend. I want your love.”

He took a step back. She didn’t even think he realized he was doing it. “I can’t give you that.”

“Yes, you can. You just refuse to choose love over immortality.”

The light in his eyes went out and the world became a little darker. “Even if that was true, could you blame me?”

“No,” Tella said honestly. “But I don’t want to be like you. That’s why I can’t let you make me immortal.”

His eyes met hers again. The light was still gone but they shimmered in a way that reminded her of all the magical things he could offer. “You’ll feel differently if you let me change you.”

“But I don’t want to feel differently. I want to feel love in its every form. I used to be so scared of it, but now I think love is another type of magic. It makes everything brighter, it makes people who have it stronger, it breaks rules that aren’t supposed to exist, it’s infinitely valuable. I can’t imagine my life without it. And if you felt any love in your heart, you would understand.”

Tella met his darkened eyes.

A flicker of pain fell over his face. But whether it was real or to convince her to go along with what he wanted, Tella couldn’t tell. “You’ll die, Donatella.”

“I already have.”

“But you won’t come back this time.”

“Most people don’t, but that’s not why you’re offering me this. This makes things easier for you. You don’t want to love me and lose your immortality.”

His mouth parted and closed and parted again, and for a brief moment before he spoke he looked entirely lost. “It’s not that I don’t want to love you, Tella. I can’t love you.” His voice was flat and empty and utterly sincere. It didn’t just sound as if he was saying this because he was an immortal, but because he truly believed that he was incapable of the feeling. If that was true, if he really thought himself heartless, then maybe he hadn’t actually been tempted to love her. Maybe he just wanted to possess her. I want to keep you.

“You’re not thinking this through.” Legend reached for her hand.

A week ago, her heart would have soared because he wanted to touch her. But she forced herself to take another step back. She wasn’t tempted by immortality, but she was tempted by him. She couldn’t touch him again if she was going to do this. “I don’t need to think about it. Sometimes you just know. And I know that I can’t imagine spending an eternity with someone who will never love me.”