Fallen Too Far (Too Far, #1)(64)

I had started to move toward him when Blaire moved out from behind him. “It’s OK, Cain. This is my stepbrother, Rush Finlay. He already knows who you are. He wants to talk. So we are going to talk. You can leave. I’ll be fine,” she said over her shoulder, before unlocking room 4A.

She had just called me her stepbrother. What the f*ck?

“Stepbrother? Wait . . . Rush Finlay? As in Dean Finlay’s only child? Shit, B, you’re related to a rock celebrity,” Cain said, his mouth going slack as he stared at me.

Just what I needed, a big enough Slacker Demon fan to know Dean’s son’s name.

“Go, Cain,” she said sternly, then stepped inside the room.





CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE


Blaire walked into the room and went to the farthest corner before turning around. “Talk. Hurry. I want you gone,” she said in a tight voice. you.” I should have told her already. I should have told her yesterday. I should have f*cking told her the moment I realized it, but I hadn’t.

She started shaking her head. She wasn’t going to listen to me. I was going to have to f*cking beg. I would fight enough for both of us.

“I know my actions don’t appear to back that up, but if you’d just let me explain. God, baby, I can’t stand seeing you in so much pain,” I said, pleading.

“Nothing you can say will fix this. She was my mother, Rush. The one memory that holds anything good in my life. She is the center of every happy childhood moment I had. And you . . .” She paused and closed her eyes. “And you, and . . . and them. Y’all disgraced her. The ugly lies that you spoke as if they were the truth.”

I hated myself. I hated the lies. I hated my mother and Abe.

“I’m so sorry you found out this way. I wanted to tell you. At first, you were just a problem that would hurt Nan. I thought you’d cause her more pain. The trouble was that you fascinated me. I’ll admit I was immediately drawn to you because you’re gorgeous. Breathtaking. I hated you because of it. I didn’t want to be attracted to you. But I was. I wanted you badly that very first night. Just to be near you. God, I made up reasons to find you. Then . . . then I got to know you. I was hypnotized by your laugh. It was the most amazing sound I’d ever heard. You were so honest and determined. You didn’t whine or complain. You took what life handed you and worked with it. I wasn’t used to that. Every time I watched you, every time I was near you, I fell a little more.”

I took a step toward her, and she held up her hands as if to keep me back. I had to keep talking. I needed her to believe me.

“Then that night at the honky-tonk. You owned me after that. You may not have realized it, but I was hooked. There was no going back for me. I had so much to make up for. I’d put you through hell since you’d arrived, and I hated myself for it. I wanted to give you the world. But I knew . . . I knew who you were. When I let myself remember exactly who you were, I would pull back. How could I be so completely wrapped up in the girl who represented my sister’s pain?”

Blaire covered her ears. “No. I won’t listen to this. Leave, Rush. Leave now!” she yelled.

“The day Mom came home from the hospital with her, I was three. I remember it, though. She was so small, and I remember worrying that something would happen to her. My mom cried a lot. So did Nan. I grew up fast. By the time Nan was three, I was doing everything from fixing her breakfast to tucking her in at night. Our mom had married, and now we had Grant. There was never any stability. I actually looked forward to the times my dad would come get me, because I wouldn’t be responsible for Nan for a few days. I’d get a break. Then she began asking why I had a daddy and she didn’t.” I needed Blaire to understand why I did what I did. It had been wrong, but she had to understand.

“Stop!” she yelled, moving back farther against the wall.

“Blaire, I need you to hear me. This is the only way you’ll understand,” I begged. The sob in my throat caused my voice to crack, but I wasn’t stopping. She had to listen to me. “Mom would tell her she didn’t have one because she was special. That didn’t work for very long. I demanded that Mom tell me who Nan’s dad was. I wanted it to be mine. I knew my dad would take her places. Mom told me that Nan’s dad had another family. He had two little girls he loved more than Nan. He wanted those girls, but he didn’t want Nan. I couldn’t understand how anyone couldn’t want Nan. She was my little sister. Sure, at times I wanted to kill her, but I loved her fiercely. Then came the day Mom took her to see the family her father had chosen. Nan cried for months afterward.”

I stopped talking, and Blaire sank down onto the bed. She was giving in and listening to me. I felt a small glimmer of hope.

“I hated those girls. I hated that family Nan’s dad had chosen over her. I swore that one day, I’d make him pay. Nan would always say that maybe one day, he’d come see her. She daydreamed about him wanting to see her. I listened to these daydreams for years. When I was nineteen I went looking for him. I knew his name. I found him. I left him a picture of Nan with our address on the back. I told him he had another daughter who was special, and she just wanted to meet him. To talk to him.”

I could see her do the math in her head. She’d lost her sister less than a year before I’d found Abe. But I hadn’t known. God, I’d had no idea. I had been trying to help my sister, not destroy Blaire’s life. I hadn’t known Blaire.