Fallen Too Far (Too Far, #1)(38)

Blaire turned back around, and I could tell I had startled her. I just wanted Bethy to shut up. I didn’t want to hear any secrets she knew. I reached over and slipped a hand over Blaire’s. I needed to reassure her, but I couldn’t look at her right now. The panic in my throat was taking over.

Bethy couldn’t know. Could she? No one knew. Had Nan told someone? Fuck. I couldn’t let this get out. I had to make this right. Blaire needed me. I couldn’t lose her.

“That was the best time ever. I like blue-collar fellas. They’re so much fun.” Bethy started babbling again. “You should have looked around some more, Blaire. It would have been smarter on your part. Rush is a bad idea. ’Cause there is always Nan.”

Motherf*ckinghell!

She knew something. No. She couldn’t know. Not the truth. I moved my hand from Blaire’s to grip the steering wheel. I needed to think, and throwing Bethy’s drunk ass out of the car wasn’t an option. Blaire would never forgive me for that.

“Is Nan your sister?” Blaire asked. The confusion in her voice made me wince. She was questioning my relationship with Nan. If she only knew the truth. I wouldn’t have her. She wouldn’t be here.

I just nodded. I couldn’t say anything else. My throat was thick.

“What did Bethy mean, then? How would us sleeping together affect Nan?”

How did I respond to that? I didn’t know what Bethy knew exactly, but I couldn’t tell Blaire the truth. I hadn’t figured out how to make the past OK. How to make Blaire not leave me when she found out the truth.

She was going to keep asking me questions. I had to stop her. I couldn’t tell her anything. Not now.

“Nan is my younger sister. I won’t . . . I can’t talk about her with you.”

Blaire’s body was rigid. The tension in the car was over-powering. There had to be a way out of this. Blaire trusted me. I wanted that trust. I wanted to deserve it. Bethy couldn’t know. She wouldn’t know. Nan had never said anything to anyone. It was a secret she held close. I was overreacting.

Bethy’s snoring filled the car, and Blaire fixed her gaze on the road. Neither of us said anything. I didn’t want Bethy to wake up and say anything. She was better off passed out. I was safer that way. My secrets were safer.

The distance between Blaire and me seemed to grow by the second, and I hated it. I wanted her in my arms again. I wanted her crying out my name. I didn’t want this wall between us.

When I pulled up to the office, I didn’t ask Blaire if this was where we needed to leave Bethy. I couldn’t say anything to her. I was terrified she’d know. Had she sat there and figured it all out?

I shook Bethy enough to wake her up and help her out of the car. She began mumbling that her dad would kill her and she wanted to sleep in the office. I was pretty sure her aunt Darla would kick her ass in the morning, but that wasn’t my problem. I fished out the key from Bethy’s purse and unlocked the door, then got her inside.

The large leather sofa was close to the door, thank God, because Bethy reeked of cheap tequila, and I didn’t want to be the one holding her up when she started puking. I dropped her onto the sofa. “Lie down,” I instructed her. I grabbed the nearest trash can and set it beside her head. “Vomit in this. You get that shit on the floor, and Darla will be even more pissed.”

Bethy groaned and rolled over.

I went to leave. Just as I opened the door, Bethy’s voice stopped me.

“I won’t tell her about Nan’s daddy. But you need to.” She looked sad as her glassy eyes met mine. She knew who Nan’s daddy was. Shit.

“I will. When it’s time,” I told her.

“Don’t wait too long,” she said, then closed her eyes. Her mouth fell open with a soft snore.

I locked the door and closed it tightly behind me. She was right. I had to fix this before it was too late.





CHAPTER NINETEEN


Your room is upstairs now,” I reminded her once we had stepped inside the house and she headed for the kitchen. We still hadn’t spoken. I wasn’t sure what to say to her or even how to talk to her now.

She paused, then turned and headed for the stairs. I couldn’t just let her go like this.

“I tried to stay away from you,” I said.

She stopped and turned to look down at me. The hurt in her eyes was too much. I didn’t want to hurt her. Yet I would be her biggest heartbreak. I hated myself. I hated what I was, who I was.

“That first night, I tried to get rid of you. Not because I disliked you.” I laughed bitterly at the truth. “But because I knew. I knew you’d get under my skin. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay away. Maybe I hated you a little bit then because of the weakness you’d be able to find in me.” I had known from the first moment that she was trouble. She’d break me. But I hadn’t known she’d own me.

“What is so wrong with you being attracted to me?” she asked, a tear glistening in the corner of her eye. Shit. I hated knowing she didn’t understand.

“Because you don’t know everything, and I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you Nan’s secrets. They’re hers. I love her, Blaire. I’ve loved her and protected her all my life. She’s my little sister. It’s what I do. Even though I want you like I’ve never wanted anything in my life, I can’t tell you Nan’s secrets.” If she could just take that as her answer and give me time. All the things I’d done had to be fixed. There had to be a way to right the wrongs.