Faking Ms. Right (Dirty Martini Running Club #1)(6)

“It was exactly as bad as it sounds. Even I can’t sugar coat it. I was stuck at a stranger’s wedding two hours from home where basically everyone was drunk. My date ditched me because I wouldn’t go to a hotel for a threesome. And I didn’t even get any cake because they ruined it with the food fight.”

“Honey, I am so sorry.” Nora put my phone down and squeezed my hand. “This is all my fault.”

“No, it’s not. I know he was your pick, but it was just a guy on a dating app. It’s not like you could have known.”

“How did you get home?” Hazel asked.

“Oh, well, that’s the good part, actually. I met the family that owns the winery. They’re the sweetest people. They offered me a guest cottage for the night and I ended up having dinner with them. I would have called one of you to come get me, but they insisted on driving me home yesterday. And before you freak out because I’d just met them, they’re all married adults and most of them have kids. I drove back yesterday with two of the couples. Honestly, they were all so great, it was hard to say goodbye.”

“I’m glad for that, at least,” Hazel said.

“Can I have that photo?” Nora asked.

“Why?”

“Because I want to plaster it all over social media.”

I snatched my phone off the table. “No.”

“Come on, Everly. I hate him for what he did to you, and it’s my fault because I chose him. I still don’t know how my instincts were so off.”

“I don’t think it’s you, I think it’s me,” I said. “We tried to fool my bad luck and it didn’t work. I’m cursed.”

“There’s really no such thing as luck,” Hazel said. “Or curses.”

“Disagree,” Nora said. She tossed back the rest of her drink and waved her empty glass at Jake for another, tapping mine with her other hand. “Everly does have terrible luck with men.”

“Luck has no basis in reality,” Hazel said. “You can’t predict or prove its existence.”

“Exhibit A, Gunnar,” Nora said. “I don’t even need to explain how he proves my point.”

“I agree, that was bad,” Hazel said.

“Exhibit B, the guy who interviewed her, including questions about her medical history to determine whether she could deliver healthy babies. And his mom showed up to review his notes.”

I winced. “Jerry. Yeah, that was pretty bad.”

“Exhibit C, the gay guy who’d been through a recent breakup and was trying to get out of a rut by taking a woman on a date.”

“To be fair, that was his friend’s idea,” I said. “And despite not being compatible, we had a nice time.”

“I don’t think additional evidence is needed,” Nora said. “Although I could go on and on. Do you remember Nick from a few years ago?”

I groaned.

“She dated him for a few months until she found out he was dealing stolen prescription narcotics.”

Jake brought a fresh round of drinks and I took a long swallow of mine. “That police raid was so stressful.”

“See? Bad luck,” Nora said. “Terrible, actually. It’s not like you could have predicted any of it. We all have things we watch out for in men, but no one has their radar tuned to the kinds of men you seem to attract.”

“There’s something wrong with me,” I said. “Do I have a sign on my back that says desperate?”

“Of course not,” Nora said. “That’s what I mean about bad luck. It’s not your fault.”

“I guess not,” I said. “But look at me. I’m thirty years old and still single. I might as well get a cat.”

“I have a cat,” Hazel said. “What’s wrong with cats?”

“Nothing; cats are fine. I just mean I’m pretty sure I’ll be single forever. I might as well get used to it.”

“Single has a lot of advantages,” Nora said. “But I know you want to find the right guy. He’s out there, sweetie. And one of these days, he’s going to look into your big, blue eyes and see that sunshine smile and fall desperately in love with you. In fact, he’ll wonder how he ever lived without you. And then you’ll make me wear an ugly dress at your wedding and I’ll fuck one of the hot single groomsmen to make up for it.”

“I don’t see the connection between someone falling in love with Everly and an ugly dress,” Hazel said. “Bridesmaid dresses aren’t all unattractive. Everly has good taste. She could choose something—”

“Kidding, Hazel,” Nora said with a smile. “I was just making a joke.”

Hazel’s confused expression softened. “Oh, I see. In that case, I also hope you find the right man and it results in bridesmaid dresses and… whatever else.”

“Thanks,” I said. “But I think I need to join you on your dating hiatus. Maybe some time away from men will break my curse.”

“It pains me to agree with you,” Nora said. “But maybe you’re right. Have you considered whether you’re gay? Should we try a woman?”

“I asked my sister about that once.” My sister, Annie, was happily married to a woman, Miranda. “She described how she feels and I didn’t identify with any of it. I’m not gay. I like men. I just keep dating terrible ones.”