Fake It 'Til You Break It(64)

I’m showered and lying on my bed within minutes, left with nothing but my thoughts to further ruin the day.

The light knock on my door a couple hours later has me pushing up on my elbow.

My mom opens the door and walks in, her lips pursed in an unpleasant smile.

At this point, I’m already emotionally spent. I’m prepared for her words, whatever they might be, another trip announcement probably, but when her mouth smooths out, concern lining her forehead as much as the Botox allows, my bottom lip begins to tremble.

“Demi...” she whispers, a softness I haven’t heard from her in... I don’t even remember when, but she hasn’t seen me like this... ever.

She steps closer.

And I break.

I cry for no real reason other than fear of what hasn’t even happened yet.

Surprising me even further, my mom doesn’t say what she came in here for, but instead sits on the edge of my bed.

She doesn’t speak, doesn’t touch me like a normal mother would feel comfortable enough to, but she doesn’t get up either.

She’s there when I fall asleep but gone when I wake.

It was enough.

I push to my feet and move toward the closet to grab some clothes.

I take my time getting ready, having no intention of getting to school early today. My mind is overworked and an anxious mess.

How I allowed myself to get to this point, I don’t know, but if I’m sure of one thing, it’s that I should give myself some room to breathe.

I need to distance myself from Nico because...

When he says it’s time to break, I just might.

He and I, we’re nothing.

Fake as the smile I’ll wear today.

Apparently, I even lie to myself now.

Once I’m ready to go, I grab my phone and my backpack and make my way downstairs, and sitting there, beside a slightly melted iced coffee is a note.

Prep for finals begins today.

But the words aren’t where my focus lies, it’s on the little pill that sits on top of the paper.

I take the stupid thing.





I left my phone at home and went to all my classes without a word to anyone in between, but then when it was time for chemistry, my nerves were through the roof. So, instead of going to class, I walked up to the office and cashed in on my performance card for the first time since freshman year. I used the class pass, went into the open study hall room and worked on reviewing in there.

I’m pretty sure the office staff caught on to my off day, though, when I suddenly had a stomachache during my lunch period, one that was miraculously better when the following class began.

Thankfully, my last one of the day is teacher’s aide, so I’m already allowed to leave five minutes prior to the bell every day, but I decide to slip out a few early. All so I can jump in my car and take off before anyone spots me.

I know the girls, and they’ll sense something is off the second they lay eyes on me and I can’t exactly explain what’s going on without giving up mine and Nico’s secret and I’m not ready for that.

So, to kill time and make sure they can’t seek me out, I drive to the coffee shop across town and study until my eyes begin to burn.

It’s almost six-thirty when I look at my watch, and I know the girls have called me at least a half dozen times by now with it being game night.

Other than the few away games the girls’ squad didn’t travel to over the years, there hasn’t been a single game I’ve missed. Carley and I are always around to cheer them on. Now, if you add in my boyfriend being on the team, I’m expected even more to be loud and proud and present.

I won’t be today. At least, not where they can see.

Not when I know Miranda will be there trying to get attention.

She said she needed to get a better idea of space for proper placement since the gym is more wide than narrow like the field and apparently being there with her handy little GoPro for cheer’s halftime performance will help with that.

I let out a heavy exhale.

The last thing I need right now is to be angry with an instructor of mine. Of course she’s hot for Nico.

He’s an eighteen-year-old high school senior with the body of an NFL star and the allure of Hollywood’s finest.

Still, I want to tell her to fuck off and find a new center who can do what I can. I have my normal dance studio and team, and if I didn’t need this on my college applications, I might not even go back.

Shaking off the annoyance, I park on the backside of the school so I can walk the long way around the building and slip into the library.

I take the stairs Nico led me up when he shared his spot with me, not bothering to move toward the edge of the rooftop this time but drop into the chair Nico sat in the day we were up here together.

I drop my Gatorade and survey the sky as the sun begins to set while I wait for the game to start.

Sure enough, right when the wind blows in, and the summer night’s air hits, I can only faintly hear Mr. Freeman’s voice float across the field as he announces the game.

Thankfully, I have perfect vision, so when I move closer, I can make out each jersey.

Not that number 24 allows himself to be missed.

After the National Anthem ends, the team captains take the field for the coin toss, and then it’s game time – Spartans set to receive.

I stay there, on the edge of the roof, my eyes trailing Nico’s every move. Before I realize it, it’s halftime, and the team gathers at the far right of their endzone.