Everything You Are(68)

“You wouldn’t be here if you really didn’t want to come,” Jean says. She’s wearing a long sweater, her hands completely disappeared inside the sleeves, but she holds eye contact with Braden for a long moment, reading him. Jean always can see things that everybody else misses.

“Let’s talk adventures. Braden, as our newest member, you are on the hot seat.” Len uncaps his marker, ready to write down adventure points.

“I didn’t take anybody on an adventure. I thought about it, for about half a second. The checker at the grocery store looked like she needed one. Are there points for good intentions?”

“Yep. A zero,” Len says good-naturedly.

“Technically, we took each other on an adventure,” Phee interjects, trying to lighten his mood, ease his way. “Just a picnic in the rain. So split it up, half for each of us.”

Braden meets her eyes across the table. “I won’t let you do it, Phee.”

“It’s true! Technically.”

“It’s not true,” he says, carefully and deliberately. “I was on the edge of drinking. Phee advised that I lock myself out of the house, which I did. And then she took me to the park.”

“Sounds like an adventure to me,” Dennis says. “Letting Phee whisk you off is bound to be unpredictable. Was Celestine involved?”

Braden takes a breath. “He was. And despite an enormous amount of dog slobber and getting drenched in the rain, I returned home and drank half a bottle.”

Phee realizes she’s been holding her breath. He’s fessed up to his relapse, that’s the important thing. He’s also completely left out the bits that helped drive him to drink, namely Phee badgering him about curses and oaths and playing the cello.

“You were able to stop at half? That’s pretty impressive control,” Dennis says. “I sure didn’t manage that.”

“Only because I got a call to come pick up my drunk and underage daughter from a party.” He’s tight as an over-tuned string, ready to snap, waiting for judgment from the group.

Katie pours a mug of coffee and sets it in front of Braden. “Black, right?” is all she says, but her fingers graze the back of his hand.

Jean smiles at him. Not pity, not judgment, just pure understanding.

“Sorry to hear it, man. What set you off?” Oscar asks.

Braden grimaces, an attempt at a smile that doesn’t make it past good intentions.

“Guilt. Grief. I abandoned my kids when they were little. My ex and my son were killed a few weeks ago, and now my surviving daughter hates me. It all got too big.”

“How’s she coping?” Jean asks.

“She’s not. Former 4.0 GPA apparently, and she hasn’t been to school since the accident. Skated away from an MIP at the party. Hanging out with a boy who is . . . I don’t like him. And then Phee found her in the graveyard the other day, in the rain. Grass stained and soaked, and I just—” His voice breaks.

Tears gather behind Phee’s eyes and a lump grows in her throat. She wants to comfort him but doesn’t have any comfort to offer. She won’t spout lies, won’t tell him it will be all right when there’s no reason to believe it to be true.

All of them are silent for a little too long.

“Wow. That’s fucked up.” Trust Katie to find the perfect words.

“I’ve tried to make things right with her, but I’m getting nowhere. She knows I’ve been drinking, which doesn’t help at all.”

“Look, man.” Dennis leans forward. “You’re in a touchy situation. Maybe a counselor. I mean, that’s a lot of shit for a kid to manage.”

The cello, Phee thinks at him. The cello is at the center of this. Allie needs her music. And she needs your music.

“You’re not expected to be a superhero,” Len says.

“But you’re a good man,” Jean whispers.

Braden laughs, short and sharp. “I left my family for booze. I hardly think that counts as good.”

“You’re here, right?” Oscar says. “Here and sober.”

“More or less. I’ve been drinking.”

“Are you sober now?” Jean asks.

“All you have to do is stay,” Katie says. “She’s pissed right now. And horribly wounded. But she wants you to stay, so the most important thing is that you can’t run off.”

A missing word hangs in the air. Braden says it.

“Again, Katie. Can’t run off again. I’m not sure she can forgive me for the last time.”

“If my dad ever came back? Like, even now? I’d treat him like shit. But I’d hope that he’d stick around and prove me wrong.” Katie’s voice cracks. She sniffles, hides her face in her hands. “Oh fuck. Now look what you made me do.”

Phee feels the tears on her own cheeks. Len’s eyes are wet. All of them know better than to offer Katie sympathy. They all just sit with the emotion, trusting that she’s strong enough to handle it, that they all are.

Katie drags her sleeve across her eyes and sits up straight, a fierce expression on her face. “Braden relapsed. He needs consequences.”

“You’re kidding,” Braden says. “I mean, I get the adventure thing, but—”

“She’s right. Come on, man. Out in the hall with you.” Oscar pushes back his chair.