Envy(106)

On the beach, they passed the bottle back and forth between them, toasting the sunset, then the twilight, finally the night sky. They continued to toast the heavens until individual stars began to blur and bob and the universe became a little fuzzy around the edges.

“Starlight, star bright, first star… et cetera. Make a wish, Roark.”

“I wish you’d pass me the whisky.”

Todd handed him the bottle. Roark drank, handed it back, then stretched out on the sand and stacked his hands beneath his head. He began to laugh.

“What?” Todd asked as he used his butt to grind a more comfortable depression into the sand.

“Wishes,” Roark replied. “Reminds me of a genie joke.”

“There are hundreds. Which one?”

“This guy finds a magic lamp, rubs it, genie pops out, grants him three wishes. The guy wishes for a Ferrari, and poof! Next morning there’s a shiny new Ferrari parked in his driveway. He rubs the lamp again, genie pops out, says he’s got two more wishes. The guy wishes for ten million dollars and poof! Next morning ten million dollars is neatly stacked on his nightstand. He rubs the lamp again, genie pops out, says he’s got one last wish. The guy wishes for a penis that would reach the ground, and poof! Next morning he wakes up and his legs are three inches long.”

When their laughter subsided, Roark added, “Moral of the story, be careful what you wish for.”

Todd grumbled, “I wish Hadley’s dick would shrivel to nothing and then drop off. If he’s even got one. Which I doubt.”

“Which manuscript did you send him?”

“The historical.”

“You’ve been working your ass off on that book. What’d he say?”

Todd took another swig from the bottle. “The plot stretches plausibility. My dialogue sucks.”

“Hadley said ‘sucks’?”

“Words to that effect.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“He said my dialogue was crisp and well paced, but my plot is predictable and needs punch.” He looked over at Todd. “Maybe we should collaborate.”

“Shit, no. No sharing. I’ve put in a two-year apprenticeship without any remuneration.”

“You sold a short story,” Roark reminded him.

“One lousy short story to a local magazine for twenty-five bucks. It’ll be read in the crapper if at all.” He pitched a seashell back into the surf. “I’m living in an apartment where the roaches are carnivorous and the tenants downstairs are armed and dangerous.”

“But you can’t beat the view. You can, however, beat your meat while taking in the view.”

“There is that,” Todd replied solemnly. “I’ve never jerked off so much in my life.”

“The palm of your hand isn’t sprouting hair, is it?”

“Here’s to nude sunbathing among exotic dancers.”

He raised the bottle in salute, but Roark took it from him and helped himself to another swallow.

“I’m broke all the friggin’ time,” Todd continued morosely. “My car’s got over a hundred and sixty thousand miles on it.”

“Meanwhile, you’re parking Porsches and BMWs.”

“A job you could train a chimpanzee to do.”

“A chimp is cuter. Would probably get better tips.”

Todd glared at Roark. “Are you gonna let me finish this or what?”

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt your pity party.” Roark passed the bottle back to him. “Have another drink.”

“Thank you.” Todd drank and belched a loud, gurgling burp. “When all this hardship pays off, I want the glory to go to me, myself, and I. No offense.”

“None taken. I don’t want to collaborate with you, either. I was joking.”

“Oh.” Todd flopped down onto his back in the sand. “So what did Hadley really say in his notes to you?”

“I told you.”

“Was it the truth?”

“Why would I lie?”

“To make me feel better.”

Roark snorted. “I’m not that charitable.”

“Right, right, you’re a son of a bitch. So maybe you would lie for another reason.”

Roark sat up. “Something on your mind, Todd? If so, why don’t you just say it?”

“You always downplay Hadley’s critiques.”

“I’m not gonna wear a hair shirt over one man’s opinion, which is all his critiques are. I don’t let myself get depressed over them the way you do.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe what?”

“Maybe that explains why you downplay them. On the other hand, you might be trying to throw me off track.”

Roark shook his head in bafflement. “What the f*ck are you talking about?”

“Forget it.”

“Like hell I will. First you accused me of lying and then you provided me with a shitty motivation for it. I take exception to both.”

“And I take exception to your thinking you’re a better writer than me.”

“Than I,” Roark corrected.

“Fuck you!” Todd surged to his feet, but the earth tilted drastically and threw him off balance. He landed back in the sand.