Enchanted (The Accidental Billionaires #4)(19)

“Did I insinuate that what you do isn’t valuable?” I thought maybe I had.

“Pretty much,” she answered as she laughed.

“I guess I was judgmental because I really don’t travel.”

“You should,” she suggested. “You’ve spent the last decade or two completely dedicated to your family and their well-being. Maybe it’s time for you to find yourself.”

Find myself?

Find myself?

“I know who I am,” I argued.

“Tell me who you are, then,” she challenged, her bright-blue eyes flashing as she pinned me with an inquisitive stare.

I hesitated. “Noah Sinclair,” I finally replied. “I’m a father figure, a big brother, and a techy business guy. What else is there to know?” It wasn’t like I was a mysterious kind of guy.

She snorted. “That’s what you are to everyone else. I asked you who you are. You have your own identity.”

I wanted to tell her more. I wasn’t hiding anything. Problem was, I had no idea who I was anymore. “It’s not something I really think about,” I said defensively. “I’ve never exactly had time to contemplate who I was outside of raising the family, keeping my head down, and working to make sure they were going to be okay.”

“I get that.” She sat up in her lounger and swung her feet to the ground beside me. “But your time is now, Noah. You don’t have to worry about any of your siblings. I understand that you’re pretty much programmed to put everything else aside for them. But you don’t have to do that anymore. None of them want you to do that, because they’re adults and in control of their own lives. It’s time for you to think about your own life. Your family wants you to feel like you’re free to do whatever you want now.”

I opened my mouth to defend myself, and then closed it again to really think about what she was saying.

“I don’t know how to do anything else,” I finally admitted in a hoarse voice.

Hell, I hadn’t thought about hobbies or where my life was going since I was a kid myself.

Keep your head down, work hard, and your brothers and sisters will survive.

I’d lived by that mantra my entire life, and it had worked. I’d never really thought about doing anything else.

I looked at Andie, and nearly fell into her gorgeous eyes. She was staring at me like I was a lost soul, and I wasn’t sure I actually liked that particular expression. I didn’t want her sympathy. At all. I needed something else entirely from her.

“I don’t require saving,” I said, my voice guttural. “I’m okay the way that I am. I made my mother a promise almost two decades ago, and I’m keeping it.”

She reached out and laid a hand on my bicep as she questioned, “What promise did you make?”

“I told her I’d keep my head down and work so that my siblings would survive. I had to take over. I had no other choice. I needed to keep my word. She was dying in the hospital. There was nobody else but me. I was the only adult.” My tone sounded desperate, even to my own ears.

I savored the feel of her hand on my body. Granted, I’d rather feel it in other locations, but it was good to feel . . . connected to her.

“Oh, Noah,” she said softly, her eyes growing dewy and empathetic. “You’ve already kept your promise. I’m sure your mother never expected you to dedicate your entire being to them. Or your entire life. Your job is done. Your siblings are grown. All of you are wealthier than your mother could have ever dreamed about. I think your mom expected you to eventually look up and make yourself happy.”

Had my mother expected me to eventually let go? I wasn’t sure what her plan had been. “She died before we ever got to making a long-term plan,” I told Andie. “Everything happened so fast. Her cancer was so damn aggressive. She was gone before I ever had a chance to ask any more questions. But she was right. I’ve kept my head down and worked all these years, and all of my siblings turned out okay. They all survived.”

Her hand dropped to the arm of the lounger, and I had to admit that I missed that feeling of physical connection with her.

“They aren’t just surviving,” she mused. “They’re thriving. And not just because of the money they inherited, either. You prepared them to live their own lives, chase their own dreams. Owen would have never been able to become a doctor if it wasn’t for your emotional and financial support, and your sisters wouldn’t have been able to go to college, either. All of them would have been just fine without becoming billionaires. The added family and the money were nice for everyone, I’m sure, but not essential to their happiness.”

I shrugged. “I guess the whole billionaire thing has never been all that real to me. I bought a nice waterfront home so I’d be close to everybody, but then I just went back to work.”

She smiled warmly, and that sweet smile made my entire body ache for a whole lot more.

“Let’s make it real,” she insisted as she hopped up. “Let me get your computer, and we’ll look at your portfolio.”

“Now you decide to hand back my computer,” I griped.

The mischievous look she shot me as she sauntered back into the suite through the sliding glass doors made my dick stand up and take notice.

What the hell?